2006-09-07 04:55:24 · 14 answers · asked by phoenix 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas shopping, and sees a parrot for sale.
He asks the clerk what the parrot's name is and the clerk tells him it's Chet. He also tells the man that this is one amazing parrot. If you put a match under his left foot, it sings “Jingle Bells,” and if you put a match under its right foot, it sings “Deck the Halls.”
The man thinks that is the coolest thing he's ever seen, so he decides to buy it for his wife. So he gets home, and puts it away.
Then he wonders what will happen if he puts it a match between its legs, so he tries it, and the parrot starts singing “Chet's nuts roasting over an open fire...”
Best joke
2006-09-07 06:33:43 · answer #1 · answered by Scooby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my personal favorite.....find many, many more on my Yahoo 360* page
One day an Indian boy asked his father why they have such long names? The dad answers, "Well son whenever a Indian baby is born the father would go outside and name the baby after the first thing he sees... Why do you ask 'Two Dogs Doing It'? "
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
In San Diego in the late 1980's, a man named Tony visited an old people's home and began speaking with an elderly lady. As he talked, he helped himself to peanuts from a jar at the side of the old woman's chair. After some time, he asked the woman if she would like a peanut. She replied, "Oh, I can't eat the things dear. I just suck the chocolate off and drop them in a jar beside my chair."
2006-09-07 07:08:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Two federal judges who were brothers from San Antonio,Texas had gone up to Austin to visit their elderly mother for the day. On the way back,they stopped of at this small diner to get something to eat. The waitress instantly recognized them and greeted them. "Hello your Honors. Please take a seat and I'll be with you in a moment". The waitress bring over two menus and asks what they want to order. Both judges just want a couple of donuts each and a cup of coffee each.
The waitress brings them their order and they also decide to order a couple of burgers and fries to eat on the road going home. From where they're sitting,they can see the cook preparing their food. He takes a chunk of ground beef,forms it into a ball in his hands,then sticks it under his armpit to flatten it out and places it on the grill. Both judges are shocked at what they just saw. The cook repeats the process.
The waitress brings their order to the table. One of the judges says,ma'am,we saw how that guy prepared our food. You don't think we're going to eat that? The waitress leans over and and whispers," I know sir. But if you think that's bad,you should see how he makes the donuts".
2006-09-07 05:25:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Britney Spears having children
2006-09-07 04:56:59 · answer #4 · answered by PUDDIN 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
mine...
There was a blonde cop that pulled over a blonde lady that had been speeding on the highway, the blonde cop walked up to the window and asked to see her license and registration. The blonde driver finds her registration but cannot find her license. So the blonde driver asks the blonde cop, "What does it look like?" The blonde cop replied, "It's kind of square and has a picture of you on it..." So the blonde driver fumbles around a little bit more in her car to find it... she finally came across a square compact, opened it and saw that it was her! She handed the compact to the blonde cop as her license, when the blonde cop opened it she said "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am... I didn't know you were a cop...!"
and the one i have posted on my questions....
http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog/posts/blond_joke/
go to my question and tell me what you think about this... thanks...
2006-09-07 04:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by Fatty McButterpants 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Who is the most popular guy at a nudist camp?
The guy who can carry two mugs of coffee and a dozen donuts at once!
Who is the most popular girl at a nudist camp?
The girl who can eat that last donut!
I hope milk shot out your nose when you read these.
2006-09-07 07:09:38 · answer #6 · answered by Besmirched Tea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best jokes are like Phoenix, they rise from the dust......
2006-09-07 04:57:57 · answer #7 · answered by Electric 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
characteristics of a good joke:
1. makes your back and your stomach hurt while you laugh
2.makes you pee you skin
3.you cannot catch your breath
4. days have passed and you still crack up when you remember it.
2006-09-07 04:59:23 · answer #8 · answered by katz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q:how do chinese pick their childs name?
A: they throw a fork down a flight of stairs....ching ching chong chong... the sound they hear and thats the new name.
2006-09-07 05:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by ny_butterfly_princess 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
the one about nelson mandella
2006-09-07 04:57:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋