My daughter is a honor roll 8th grader, who has attended the same magnet school since 6th grade.Her school divides the 1600 students into teams to create a smaller school within the school,my daughtet is on a team where she knows NO ONE. She is miserable!!! I have spoke to her counselor and to the principle and they refuse to switch her. There is room for her to be on the team where her friends are, their reply to me was "It would cause too much grief" What about my daughters grief. She is so worked up ,she is getting sick,she has headaches and is vomiting. Where do I go next?
2006-09-07 04:50:31 · 19 answers · asked by karena 2 in Health ➔ Other - Health
Do not take their answer as final, go to the School BR.,see your elected member (Trustee),get a medical certificate from your family doctor to prove your daughters' symptom's, talk in person to your MPP or whoever your Trustee is responsible to. Never give up - this is your child,show her your strength of conviction. Whoever used the phrase "it would cause too much grief", has no conception of the word! and I hope this person is NOT a teacher. Go for it mom!
2006-09-07 05:10:43 · answer #1 · answered by peaches 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to either the school counselor or a therapist in the community if you do not care for the school counselor. You probably want to get treatment for your daughter.
There will be many times in life where you daughter will know no one such as when she goes away to college, takes on a new job or moves to a new community. She will need to develop the ability to deal with these situations without getting headaches and vomiting.
To learn how to get to know people and to get along with all kinds of people are great learning experiences. There are many students of every grade level who attend new schools each year and don't recognize a single face at the beginning of the year and who have to navigate that path of making new friends.
Your daughter has the advantage of having attended this school for two years, so while she isn't friends with the people on her team, she at least knows of them.
Life isn't perfect or fair and we all can't get everything we want. To have to deal with a situation that isn't perfect is another good learning experience. The school can't move every child that would rather be in a different group.
There may be ways around this problem. One would be to go back to the principal and ask if you bring a doctor's notice and make a major purchase for the school or do several hours of volunteer work, would she/he consider moving your daughter. You would bring in the doctor's notice so that they wouldn't have to move several children who are aware of your daughter's situation and who want to move. You would do the volunteer work to offset their grief.
2006-09-07 12:10:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a delicate place.
On the one hand, by 8th grade, she should be able to handle this herself. It is only the first ferw weeks of school- she'll adapt. She'll make new friends, learn to deal, and learn a good life lesson in the process.
On the other hand, she is indeed probably miserable right now, and getting a ton of attention because of it. She is working herself into a state and this will just make things tough.
Your job is to let her get hurt. I know this is tough, but if you rescue her you will fall into a pattern of rescuing her and she won't learn anything.
Commiserate ('yeah, this is tough, but it will work out OK'), but do not let her out of homework or housework. Stop trying to fix it for her. Also, don't feed into the misery. She does not need a special supper or new clothes or anything to help her feel better.
Also consider taking a class in 'Love and Logic'- great stuff for parents!
2006-09-07 12:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by Madkins007 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was in Middle School, 5 years ago, we were on teams also. It was TEAM A and TEAM B. Most of my friends from Elementary School were on TEAM B, and I was put on TEAM A. It was very traumatic, the first couple of weeks, but eventually, this allows you to meet new people and you still can meet with friends on the other team: during lunch or during Study Hall. If the counselors wont change her to the other team, just explain to your daughter that life is not always fair, but she will get to meet new people and experience new experiences. IN MIDDLE SCHOOL, THE TEAM THAT I WAS ON HAD BETTER GRADES AND STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES THAN THE OTHER ONE.
2006-09-07 11:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by The Ultimate Answerer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
School hasn't been going on very long. she isn't giving her new class mates a chance .. Everyone sometime in there lives go through drastic changes and they will adjust to the change.
you are going to have to give it a chance. You have already tried to get her changed to the other bunch of kids. and they told you no. i don't think that there is anything else that you can do about it..
she will make new friends if she would just try. you are going to have to sit her down and talk to her.. and just tell her to give it a chance.. and if she can't adjust take her to a therapist. she needs someone to talk to..
things really will be fine..
The next step is giving her time to adjust on her own..
Don't try to interfer with decisions made any more that just makes her think that mom will get me moved to where i want to be if i act up enough.
The headaches will go away and so will the vomiting.. she is making her self sick to get you to make the changes for her..
good luck and just give it some time..
2006-09-07 12:00:26 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keeping her grades up should be paramount. If she is becoming sick at the prospect of going to school then its problematic and needs attention. I would personally take a few steps. First, go above the principle and counselor and speak to the head of the board. If that didn't work, I would consult a therapist and see if there is anything that can be given to your daughter to calm her nerves.
2006-09-07 12:04:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being over protective. She needs to make new friends. It's just a fact of life, you go to a new job, you make new friends, you move to a new house, you make new friends. It's a life lesson and you are causing her to fail by being over protective.
She needs to face this and deal with it.
There is no reason why she should be getting sick about it. She is over reacting. Once she starts making new friends, she will be fine. She's 11 or 12? She's old enough to deal with it.
Stop sheltering her. She is probably absorbing this anxiety from you. Unintentional, but yes, it does happen.
2006-09-07 11:59:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The school is trying to prepare her for life.
In real life, she has to learn to cope with making new friends, being her true self on her own, and dealing with change. If she doesn't learn to do this now, when will she?
Her best friend should be herself.
I changed schools completely in the 7th Grade, went from Public to Catholic Schools, met all new people, and liked it a lot.
2006-09-07 11:57:46 · answer #8 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is having some anxiety. Maybe a different counselor will work with her to help her get through it. The idea of having a party or get together with her new team sounds great.
2006-09-07 11:57:13 · answer #9 · answered by belladonna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is to give her all the support that you, as a parent, can give. What do I mean by that? Well, in life, as you and everyone knows, there are times when there is a situation that we definitely do not want to to be in. Encourage her to mix around and even if she do not know anyone in her team, what better reason to get to know them. How did she or anyone for that matter know their 1st friend?
It's good training ground to get accustom to the dynamics of this world that we live in. Imagine, when she gets her 1st job, no one knows who she is, maybe except for those who met her during the interview process.
Therefore it's best to encourage her give it a chance and see what happens. Well, you did try to talk to her school.
Support her and stand by her side, emotionally and in spirit. It will build character and toughen her to meet the many challenges awaiting her.
A butterfly needs to struggle and get itself out of the cocoon and in doing so, pushes the necessary bodily fluid to the edges of it wings. Making it strong and self suffient.
Good luck and send my deepest and best wishes to your lovely daughter.
2006-09-07 12:09:00 · answer #10 · answered by ♪♫♪Isaac♪♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋