my father in law has bowel cancer which has spread to the liver, after doing much research and asking questions, i have discovered that things don't look good. My Husband however does not know this and i have not told him what i have found out.
My dilema is this, do i tell him or shall i just carry on as if i don't know, i am worried that if i don't tell him he might be angry if he ever finds out, but i also think that maybe if he doesnt know at least he won't worry anymore than he already is. Please help, i am not a bad person or secretive i am just confused.
2006-09-07 04:50:15 · 25 answers · asked by BRICK 3 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
Having just lost a Mother to cancer 3 months ago I can tell you what I think from my perspective. I think you must tell your husband what you have learned. Then, I think you should confirm this with an oncologist.
There are things that people need opportunity to say and do when a parent is dying. There needs to be honesty and no secrets in a time like that. Also, if your husband found you kept the truth from him, even if it was to "protect" him, he would probably end up angry and resentful. Besides, overall I believe people would rather know the truth in any given situation rather than be led around in a fog of untruth. By learning the truth your husband can and will be able to prepare for what may come.
Are you and your husband born-again Christians? Is your husbands Father? Do not miss the opportunity to minister the need for Jesus to your Father-in-law. If your husband does not know the truth about his fathers health he may not know the urgent need to do all he can to help his Father learn of Jesus.
This is just a few of my thoughts on this. Truth is always best!!!
God bless you as you grow and learn in this difficult time.
2006-09-07 05:13:59 · answer #1 · answered by Noor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I responded to your other question at length, so I'll keep this one brief.
Sometimes when we hold back information from people it's because we don't want to have to deal with their reaction. That motivation is inherently selfish.
Your husband isn't the patient. He's the son of the patient. As such, the ethics of information sharing really don't apply. However, I can say two things. First, this is bothering you enough to ask strangers what to do, and a better idea would be to talk to your husband about it. Second, it's entirely possible that he knows more than you think, and he's just as silly as you are, trying to protect you from the information at the same time.
Talk... you're married... that's what you took the vows about. This is the "in sickness..." part.
The real question is, "ARE YOU TALKING TO THE PATIENT???" Thats the person that probably needs a hand dealing with all this!!
2006-09-07 07:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by bellydoc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can't do nothing. This is obviously upsetting you, and your husband is soon going to work that out, so you need to talk to someone.
Where did you do your research? Make sure you check it with a medical professional before you do anything, because you really can't trust some of the internet sites that have medical info on them.
Does your father in law know youve been researching? maybe hes the one to talk to?
At the end of the day, you need to talk to someone about this (and us on Answers doesnt count im afraid!) You said you wanted Christian perspectives on this, but I dont really think there is one. What I would say is that your husband I think would want to know. He'll support you, and then you can also support him.
I really hope things work out.
2006-09-07 07:32:42 · answer #3 · answered by clairelouise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend going back over your research and find the best web site on the subject you can. Print it out. Give it to your husband telling him something like "I am also worried about dad and found this on the Internet."
Let your husband take it from there. I think death is easier if anticipated. As your father in laws date of death approaches, he will know it and will probably try to it from you and your husband. Follow your father in laws lead on this. Let him decide how he wants to go home. I am quite sure "dad" already knows.
Vaya con DIOS
2006-09-07 05:00:50 · answer #4 · answered by chrisbrown_222 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him know that you think things could be serious. Then I'd give him a few web sites to go on & read for himself. This way you aren't the one telling him as 2nd hand news. He's actually reading for himself 1st hand the seriousness of this cancer.
He will know then what his father is up against mean while he won't hold any grudges against you. He won't be able to direct his anger towards you for being the one that brought him the reality, the truth about his fathers condition.
Hope all turns out well for your father in law!
2006-09-07 04:58:04 · answer #5 · answered by paintressa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is my two cents worth; take it for what you will: Don't say anything to your husband. Chances are he'll find out what the prognosis is from someone else. Besides, even though it doesn't look good, there's always a chance that they'll be able to treat it successfully. You don't want your husband to borrow trouble thinking about what MIGHT happen. That might make the next few days/weeks/months miserble for him AND you. Just be as supportive as you can.
2006-09-07 04:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by sarge927 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best but the hardest thing to do is to tell a person you love is that they have cancer!!You do need to let them know so they can plan for; and let you know;what their wishes for the final days and thoughts!! You need to have a Physician;and ;or a Minister;to tell him!! You should be there when he is told and see if he needs you immediately for morally support;you will need to give him a little alone time also!! I would really myself want to know;so I could get myself ready;Spiritually;mentally;even physically!!
He will go through all types of emotions at first;do not takes these personally;this is only natural !! Goodluck;My prayers are with you!!!
2006-09-07 05:04:41 · answer #7 · answered by rednkal2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must tell him. After all, he's an adult, and we must all face up to the difficulties of life. He is not a child and you are not his mother!
By telling your husband about this, he will be able to spend quality time with his father before he dies. Of course your husband will be angry if he finds out and you haven't told him.. you will have deprived him of the opportunities to talk about things with his father which otherwise he wouldn't do. And you husband will feel controlled and manipulated by you, it won't do your marriage any good whatsoever.
So tell him.. prepare yourself and go and tell him NOW!!
2006-09-07 05:11:05 · answer #8 · answered by Rude4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest to your husband that you try to speak to your father-in-laws doctor. Also try speaking to your father-in-law to see what he knows about his condition. He probably knows more about it than he's said. As you have found, cancers that spread to the liver usually have very poor outcomes. The whole family is going to need a great deal of support, including you
Good Luck
2006-09-07 05:00:55 · answer #9 · answered by crissylizb06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You MUST tell him, it is his right to know, as well as if you don't he will most likly hate the sight of you forever and you cannot blame him, how would you feel if he knew that about your mother or father, would you not waqnt to know, telling is the right thing to do, noit telling is certainly wrong. Ask God he wqill tell you TELL HIM> Give him a chance to say goodbye and deal with the emotions while he still can do not regret this for the rest of yuour life
God Bless
2006-09-07 05:05:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋