My brother is nicer to his friends than to his family?

Question

Hi, I love my brother who just graduated from college and is working on his first job. He dated his first serious girlfriend (I think) and has changed a lot since. He and I were raised in a conservative Christian family (though intellectually a little more liberal) but he's started going to pubs and doing lots of outdoor sports that he hadn't used to love so much. He's a very decent guy but seems to be affected a lot by his moods. For a long time I felt that he is rude to our parents and sometimes to me. The thing is, I feel he's way nicer to his friends than to us. He has a pretty good social life outside of the home but once he gets home sometimes he even ignores me on his way from tha entrance to his bedroom. Am I overreacting? To make things worst I have a disability that makes my life slightly more mundane/limited. Maybe that's mainly why I feel that the little bits of anger and the resistance I put up to stop any boiling over are just too much. HELP ME!!!!!

Answer 1

You're forgetting that we get to chose our friends not our family. He's getting older, and while he still loves you (and probably doesn't ignore you on purpose) he's got more interactions going on. He feels comfortable enough with his family that he's not worried about what kind of mood he's in and trying to alter it to make anybody happy. You didn't mention how old you are. I'll assume you're younger, and perhaps he's the only brother you have. I think you might be feeling a little left out and jealous.... here he is, going out and doing things, while you're stuck at home.... just relax.. your time will come.... you'll get out there and come in and out of the house just as much as him one of these days... your poor parents will be convinced your BOTH ignoring them... but it's not that.. it's a part of life.... it's growing up.. it's taking on more responsibilities... besides, you may get to pick your friends, but it's your family that's always going to be around

Answer 2

There is a time for everything. In his life, right now; this is how he is. He is more into friends and socializing to work and girlfriend at the time being. These periods in life change all the time. Maybe there will be a time in your life too - later - when you will live your life this way.

On one hand, you can talk to him and tell him what you observe and how this is making you feel. That you miss him and that you need him. That you wish for him to participate more in your life. Let your parents talk for themselves. You can listen to what he has to say to this; "Oh, I'm sorry - I wasn't aware..." or "Oh, don't give me that now....!" before you decide on what you will do next.

On the other hand, you can accept the fact that this is his life right now. When he settles down a bit more, he'll come around. When he moves on to his next period in his life. You know it actually is important to manage socially when working yourself into a new job, a new environment, a new boss or whatever. It is probably taking some of his energy to be alert for other people all the time. Adjusting to this new life, his girlfriend's needs or such things. Be nice to him when you meet. Don't ruin dialogue with complaining; "you are not around much..." or "you dont care as much as you used to..." These demands will make him feel less worth and will make the distance greater.

Good luck and best wishes to you :-)

Answer 3

I feel the same way, My mother (who raised us in a conservative Christian way) is very lenient with everybody at Church. There is nothing wrong this people could do. Not even the Pastor he is a man of God. When it comes to her kids, there is no patience or tolerance. She gets mad at my dad for the most idiotic things and stays mad or with a frown for days. I do not understand her point either. I believe she should be the most understanding with her love ones and not with acquaintances. There is no way to change others behavior. The only thing I can tell you is do not let it get to you. You know he acts this way, accept it and move on. Let him know how you feel and learn to live with it.. Good Luck

Answer 4

how old is he? he looks like he growing up, which is natural for guys, if he is ever gonna have a family in the future, he need to learn to be independent. finding he own identity & making a mark for himself out there also unconsciously make him to draw away from his family. Leaving the nest mentality. his priority has changed.

however on a darker side, he might have bad influence from his friends& workmate, eroding his values & morals. questioning his beliefs. this causes confusion & even enmity towards your family values. check it out.

hope this is of some help. peace, lady

Answer 5

Have you talking to him? Maybe he's going thru something. He could be having a problem you don't know about. Talk to him, tell him how you feel and how his actions effect you and your family. Maybe he just doesn't realize what he's doing.

Answer 6

so what's your question? quite than you telling him to knock it off, why would not your fiance say some thing? finally, that's her butt and he would take the entire component extra heavily if she instructed him to knock it off. there is no reason to make any such large deal about it. that's ur fiance's butt and in no way yours. if she doesnt like him putting forward such stuff then she ought to ask him to resign, no longer you.