This has been going on for over a year. Sometimes its just a $1, sometimes its $20. Other than this she is a great kid. We now keep all our money hidden away but she still seems to "find" money at school and such. What makes a child do this? She gets an allowence and always has birthday/Christmas money. Her Father always stole things when we were married, is something like that in the genes?
2006-09-07 04:31:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm sure she is not in any other trouble. She is very active at school and with after school activities. I'm usually with her when she is not at cheerleading so she never has a chance to get involved with drinking, drugs or smoking. She is fun and popular at school and hangs out with a good group of girls. Everyone would be very shocked by this behavior.
2006-09-07 04:45:27 · update #1
If she's stealing things, and that doesn't "mesh" with the rest of who she is, I'd begin to suspect about two things. One, she's using the money for things that cost a lot, that she doesn't want you to know about, or she doesn't want the expense to interfere with her having spending money. Drugs come to mind but that might not be the case.
The other that comes to mind is, she's having some problems dealing with life, and the way she's expressing that something's wrong is by stealing. This is a common problem, in my support group for parents of abused and otherwise-hurt children. Kids who do stuff like that, it's often not about the money. It's more about control, hoarding, proving that they can take care of themselves, being terminally afraid of running out of money (or food, or whatever they steal). It can be a way of securing friends, doing something the not-so-great kids wish they could do. It can be a way to express self-loathing, or a sense of not being as good and nice as people think/expect. Or it could be some new twist I haven't heard of.
Either way, you know you've got a serious problem. If she keeps it up, she could get into legal trouble, which would affect her ability to get into the college of her choice, get a job, or even get her license in some places. Talk to her doctor about finding a mental health professional for her. On the hunch that the stealing may be related to emotional pain, you may wish to find a counselor who's known for working with foster children, or post-orphanage adopted children, because these kids are the most likely to have these kinds of hurts and struggles, and you want somebody who can deal with the underlying hurts, and not just the symptom of stealing.
2006-09-07 05:42:14 · answer #1 · answered by Gen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may be all of those wonderful things that you say and Im sure she is, but are you positive she is not into some sort of drug behavior....
She doesnt drink, or smoke, but thats not to say she's not taking pills and that may be why she is stealing the money??? Just one possible scenario... (I have a neice who was doing the same thing)
As for this being in her genes I dont think so, but im no doctor... Im just guessin on that one!!
Have you confronted her about this??? Or have you spoke to someone at school about it since now she is "finding" money at school??? Kids make mistakes, but when it becomes a habit it is no longer a mistake.... It can also lead to worse things.... I would talk to the school, and I would sit her down and discuss with her that what she has done is wrong, maybe go in her room and take something of hers that is really important to her, so she knows how it feels???
If that doesnt work, use some sort of scare tactic like telling her you will call the police.... Every child is different, so its hard to say what would or wouldnt work with your daughter.... These are just ideas, and if you dont agree with them, please dont be offended or angry... I just watched my niece end up in a LOT of trouble because she was not properly disciplined!!!!
Im a mom too, but my little girl is 9..... Im dreading the teenage years.. My heart goes out to you...
Good Luck, and God Bless!!!!
2006-09-07 12:01:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cleptomaniac....
When I was 14, I stole a lot of stuff to... not so much money, but I stole things out of peoples lockers at school while everyone was in class... dont ask me how, but my friend had almost all the locker combinations and we would go through peoples lockers trying to find intresting stuff. I found a silk shirt one time with dragons printed on it that apparently cost $100... I took it... the next day, the police guy at school came and talked to everyone about someone stealing from peoples lockers... lets just say, I haven't stolen anything like that again... (the last thing I stole was a candy bar from work... lol I was hungry...)
Scare tactics really do work.
I wanted to add to the posters who say she may be into drugs.... that is not always true. I stole plenty... BUT I have NEVER in my entire life EVER touched drugs. I don't drink and I don't smoke. I had a 3.7 GPA in school and I was one of the last people anyone would have suspected to steal things. So, just because you steal, doesn't make automatically make you a horrible brain dead idiot.
2006-09-07 11:41:20 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an idea for you. Check it out. If she steals, arrest her. I know it sounds harsh, but if she steals something from you, call the police. Tell them you want to press charges. She will go through it all, and learn what will happen in the real world if she steals. Once she has learned her lesson, drop the charges. Keep her in jail for maybe a night or a few hours. Now very important: if you take her to jail for stealing SOMEONE ELSE'S stuff, they might choose to keep charges pressed against her. For this little 'lesson' just do it if she steals from you. That way you can drop the charges at any time. This would be a very good lesson in my opinion. Stealing IS against the law, and people DO go to jail for it in the real world. Good luck with this little problem!
2006-09-07 11:47:05 · answer #4 · answered by Koneko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I definitely think you need to enforce a fairly severe punishment for that. Like someone else said, a 2 week grounding would not be unreasonable. The last thing you want is for this to get escalate.
Are you sure there aren't other things going on as well? I mean stealing is very dishonest, is she possibly lying to you about other behaviour??
2006-09-07 11:41:07 · answer #5 · answered by ontario ashley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not in someones genes to steal or behave badly. When a person is born they are born with no sense of right or wrong everything is taught. Maybe she sees her dad steal and thinks if my dad does it than it can't be that bad. Talk to her about it and tell her that there will be consequences for her actions. Make sure you make a punishment reasonable and stick with it. If you say your daughter will be grounded for 2 weeks than keep her grounded for 2 weeks.
2006-09-07 11:35:57 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she copy the father, the father has set an example that it's ok. if the father has stop, he need to have good talk to your kid. your kid got to realize stealing hurt people, cause guilt, cause mistrust between u & her, encourage lying. she need to see all the con about it.
also check the root cause. is she stealing to buy things thinking things can satisfy her, things to flaunt to her freind for acceptance, look cool. buy things to give to friend or to bully to gain acceptance. check it out.
peace, lady
2006-09-07 11:50:53 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make some of her things dissapear and see what her reaction is. If she complains, tell her that is probly how other people feel that she has stolen from. Tell her that everytime she steals, something of hers will get stolen.
2006-09-07 11:37:51 · answer #8 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is just a ideal.next time she does this let her confront the person at school ,and tell them she stole their money.or tell her you gave the school permission to press charges,and ask her is it worth it,maybe she is a kleptomaniac.
2006-09-07 12:52:34 · answer #9 · answered by timmsr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
boot camp boot camp or read him stories about people who steals and lose their hands
2006-09-07 11:37:53 · answer #10 · answered by icac83 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋