I've been engaged to my fiance for a year and our wedding is in October. My older brother (by 2 years) proposed to his long-time girlfriend just a few months ago and have decided on a September wedding, exactly a month before ours. My fiance and I have taken extreme offense to this but have not made our feelings clear to any of my family. Their wedding will be very large and expensive, and almost like a mini family reunion, while ours has always been intended to be small and exclusive. We feel that they have put our special day in the shadows while stealing the light for themselves. I feel embarrased when I have to explain why people going to their wedding are not invited to ours. The logistics and madness of two weddings is overwhelming too.
My fiance and I have fought over this, have cried over it, and worry that this will have a lasting negative impact on the relationships of our new families. What can I do? Awkwardly we are eachothers "best man", but I feel anything but right now.
2006-09-07 03:58:42 · 7 answers · asked by joe black 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
A similar thing happened to me. It is very awkward to deal with. In the end, it turned out that although the wedding was constantly on our minds and the dates felt so close together, our families thought of the weddings as "an entire month apart" like that was a long time. By the time your wedding comes along, people are going to be very much done with his wedding. They won't be thinking about it anymore.
As for the guest list, just tell people that you always planned on keeping your wedding very small, and you can't wait to see them at your brother's wedding. They shouldn't be asking you about that, so just be polite and brief.
Best of luck. Weddings are hard work.
2006-09-07 04:20:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, what a terrible thing for your brother and his fiance to do. Honestly, I don't think I could ever imagine doing that to a friend - never mind my own sibling! I think the best thing you can do right now is to sit back and allow them to have the spot light and then focus on your day.
The best way to explain the lack of invites to your wedding would be to be honest - that you and your fiance were not planning on a large, elaborate event. People really should understand. I have been to large weddings, I have been to small. I have never been offended when I was not invited to a wedding. The guest list is at the discretion of the hosts.
Your wedding sounds really nice. Small and intimate is lovely and the best thing you can do right now is to proceed forward as if your bother's wedding is not going to change anything. Pretend like it's not happening.
The fact is, this wedding day is going to be one of the best days of you and your fiance's life. Do not let anyone or anything change that. Because 10 years from now you will regret it and look back and think "I guess my bother's wedding wasn't such a big imposition." As I'm sure you know, we all think everything is such a big deal in the moment and then when you look back on it, it may not have been so traumatic.
Good luck and congratulations on your wedding!!! :)
2006-09-07 11:12:33 · answer #2 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that stinks. I would say they were ver y inconsiderate to do this to you and don't blame you for feeling hurt.
You should postpone your wedding. I know it doesn't seem fair, but if it is the real thing you can wait a little longer, afterall when talking about forever, what is another year? These are very special days for you, your bride and your brother and his. I am sure you are very hurt by your brother right now, but maybe you should see the bigger picture... family.
Or you could talk to your brother about how you feel and see if they will change thiers.
But if both of you keep the current dates, you will feel even more hurt then if you change yours. Be selfless, and when people aks why you changed it, just say you didn't want to take away from their special day.
Besides, it is not fair to your bride to have an overcast on her day. I don't think your brother should have done this, but there is nothing to do now but move forward...
2006-09-07 11:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by amlikam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While it sucks, because the two of you just smiled and nodded, there really isn't anything that you can ask them to do at this point.
You shouldn't have to explain your invite list, but for people that are rude enough to ask why they aren't invited, you can simply tell them that you are having a small wedding. Period.
If you aren't going to change the date of your wedding, which if it's next September there may still be time to do, then stop dwelling on it. You'll only stress yourself out more and start to hate your brother for being so selfish.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-07 12:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your fiance need to get over yourselves! Who are you to say when your brother can or cannot get married. It's unfair to them that you expect your wedding to dictate their plans.
Regardless of when their wedding is, you will have to explain to family members why they are not invited to your wedding.
You get a wedding DAY, remember. Not a wedding year, or month, or season.
2006-09-07 11:08:49 · answer #5 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your brother should have respected your wedding date and got married next year or something. But don't let this thing get between you and your brother. also don't let it get between you and your wife to be.
2006-09-07 11:38:12 · answer #6 · answered by lee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GROW UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A WIMP. NOTHING SHOULD EVER COME BETWEEN FAMILY.
2006-09-07 11:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋