mothers, how would YOU deal with kids who love to cause problems for your kids in school?

Question

Last year was my daughters first year in school, she met some friends who seemed cool. They live down th street from us and she would see them every walk to school,in class,and the walk home. The little girl started being a little snot, by telling others if they hung out with my daughter she would never play with them again, so there was always a fight. The little girl didn't like it because the friends my daughter made were friends she knew before school, and my daughter would get invited over all the time. She has no attitude,she's fun,silly,loves to play with anyone who is kind to others. I had a talk with the parent and I do see now why the kid is the way she is, but this year she ended up being in my daughters class and on the first day she started and tried to get my daughter in trouble. I understand that school can be hard for kids these days but i'd like for her to continue being the loving child that she is.

Answer 1

I am a father, and I believe I have a unique position here. Your daughter, is at some point, going to have to stand up to this girl. I am not necessarily referring to a fight. But there is going to have to come a time when these two come together to face this situation, and hopefully very soon before this grows worse.

What I suggest is this, you go speak to your school's guidance counselor. Have him or her set up meetings, first one on one with not only your daughter but the other child as well. So the guidance counselor might can assess the situation. Then after having talked to each one, one on one, then get the two of them together in the same room in the presence of the guidance counselor, and see if they can work their differences out. This is a good opportunity to teach her conflict resolution as well as problem solving skills.

I tell my daughter constantly, we need to love our neighbors. However, sometimes these neighbors don't make loving them very easy. My daughter faced a very similar situation, only this little girl she was dealing with was also hitting her and pinching her. Kayla wouldn't do anything back because I told her fighting was wrong. Instead, Kayla would tell the teachers, who actually became annoyed and called her a tattle tale. I went to the school. In fact, no exaggeration here, I made 36 trips to the school, sat in 12 meetings and had 41 telephone conversations with her teacher or her principle or both during the first 3 months of that school year. I also had 4 face to face meetings and 6 telephone conversations with her father, who quite honestly was an uninvolved idiot. No one would do anything to help make this better. Through all of this I kept records of who I talked to, and when. I feel like I have spent half of my life just dealing with this.

Finally, I sat Kayla down and talked with her. I said I know I have told you fighting is wrong, and I still firmly feel this way, but there is nothing wrong with defending yourself if you need too. We have talked with the teachers, you have and they aren't helping you, so you are going to have to help yourself. So, 2 or 3 days later just as I thought would end up happening, this girl walked right up to Kayla, and flat handed slapped her. Kayla knocked the living crap out of this girl. All of the frustration of being abused by this girl and being ignored by the school staff that had built up, came out.

Of course, I was called to the school. I went prepared with my notebook. The principle sat me down and told me how he was going to have to suspend Kayla from school for 3 days for fighting, and when she came back she would be on a probation, and if she did something like this again she would be expelled for the year. I asked him where was all of this action the 36 previous times I had made trips to the school about this girl's behavior was, and showed him the notebook I had been keeping. I told him, if he took any kind of action against Kayla as a result of this after he made this situation worse by not doing anything the first time I called them, I not only would see him and the school in court I would also make this a very public spectacle. He sent me and Kayla to the lobby while he and the teacher talked for almost 45 minutes. Then he called us back and said he had decided to let this be a by gone be by gone situation. He would not do anything this time, but would if this happened again. The next school year he was transferred to another school on the other side of the county. Since then, Kayla's school experience has otherwise been uneventful. Kayla and this girl, while not best of buds, are in the same class this year and seem to be getting along fine now. I have instructed her to stay away from her, and only be around her when she has no other choice.

I told you this just to let you know, these things have a way of escalating, especially if your school staff is unwilling to take your and your daughters concerns seriously. I want to say for the record, I did not want this situation to turn out in this manner. Ideally, the school should have done something to help stop it, but didn't and I had no idea what to do. I couldn't let Kayla continue to be abused while everyone charged with her best interests while at school stood idly by and done nothing. All of
my resources had been exhausted. I could not and would not
pull Kayla out of the school. She has as much right there as anyone Else's child does.

Answer 2

Alert the teacher and the principal to what is going on. Also, if your child's school has a counselor advise them also. And if what you say is true about the parent, well, good luck on that one. Maybe your daughter could walk on the other side of the street instead of going past their house.
Also, talk with your daughter about how not everyone is like her. If your daughter is happy about herself stress that quality to her and she should maintain it. If possible for you and your daughter get her into some activity like a sport, or the Girl's club so she meets different kids and makes different friends.

Answer 3

I would tell your daughter to stay away from the other girl and let things take their course. If the parent of the brat is no help, there's nothing you can do without being your little girl's shadow until she reaches college.

Just make sure your daughter stays confident if the other girl manages to make a dent in her self esteem. Kids can be cruel, sometimes.

Answer 4

I would take it to the principle, and if it gets worse, ask for a class transfer. It is very hard these day's kids are so mean, but it sounds like your doing a good job, trying to keep your child the same and and out of harm, you should also make sure your daughter doesn't take any sh*t from those kids, if she has to tell on them so be it!!!

Answer 5

sounds like this friend is jealous that your daughter has so many other friends, but the jealousy is getting out of control. have your daughter invite some of her other friends to go and do things with her AND this jealous friend. if the friend is still very mean after this and still gets your daugher into trouble, then your daughter should try and avoid this girl whenever possible. your daugher doesn't need friends who will bring her down, she needs friends who will build her up!

Answer 6

My mother is an elementary school teacher, and any good teacher will be willing to get involved and referee the classroom for such activities. Just make sure your daughter stays away from this girl. She might be fun, but it's not worth it if she is going to act like a ... well ...

Answer 7

Give your daughter the skills to handle the situation on her own. You going to her parents any more than you have is going to cause your daughter more problems than she is already facing. These kinds of issues are part of growing up. Even as adults it is not always the right answer to go telling someone of authority. Especially in the corporate world.

My son was being bullied by a gang of kids in the neighborhood when we moved in. The ring leader was a pretty big kid. Well, one day I saw that they had him surrounded in our driveway doing the shove thing. I went out there and they stopped and played all innocent. I sent my son into the back yard, and told them as a group that if they want to whip my sons butt they could. But they had to do it one at a time. I told them i will not tell their parents and I will not intervene, but they have to go into the back yard one at a time. Not one of them took me up on it. If fact they left. My son came out yelling at me asking what I was doing going to let them beat him up. I explained to him the dynamics of youth gangs and how they are only strong together. I also told him that if they continue to bother him, to get a running start and tackle the biggest one in the gang and get him on the ground and punch the crap out of him. I told him he will probably get his ass kicked, but none of the other kids will mess with him after seeing him take the big guy down.

What i am trying to say is, we can put helmets and other stuff on our kids. But we cannot protect them from the assholes in life. They must learn how to do that on their own. We just have to give them the tools and stand back.

She will learn how to handle these situations as we all did. It is good that you aware of what problems your daughter is having. But you have to remember childhood has it own sub-culture with its own rules. And sometimes it is better to fix things in a way that their rules allow so no one loses face.

Answer 8

When my kids have problems i go straight to the parent if that dont work talk to the school

Answer 9

This is a question for fathers, too! (I'm not a father, I just wanted to point this out.)

Answer 10

.45 calibre.
shoot them once, no problem after that. Wear a mask. scare the little b it ch and make he pee herself. have the other kids make fun of her.