How to handle child hitting?

Question

I know a lot of people say time outs work at home for when a child is hitting or otherwise behaving unacceptably. But my daughter has been hitting me lately when she gets mad, like in the grocery store. (She is 2 yrs. and sits in the cart while I shop.) How do you deal with it when you are out somewhere? I obviously can't use a time out in the store, and it wouldn't make sense to do it when we get home - she would never remember why, and it would be too late. Any suggestions?

Also, I won't hit her back (a bit hypocritical, when I'm trying to teach her not to hit people), all I can do is tell her not to do it. But obviously that's not always effective...

Answer 1

the thing about that is the fatc that you don t hit her she has seen people react to her hitting them but the fact that you don t strike her back does not let her relieze what exactly she is doing children pick up hitting quickly and the only way they see that it would bother someone is to actually feel what it is and another thing that could work would be to fake cry and tell her it hurt and ask her why she wanted to her you maybe ur reaction to her will startle something in her to relieze what she has done is wrong I actually use a "look" with my kids when they know i am mad and to quit the chit they are doing i will give em this big eyed look and they know i m serious then

Answer 2

The second she hits you, drop everything and walk out of that store with her. Forget your full shopping cart and the grocery list if you have to. Get her outside, telling her along the way that she may NOT hit mommy. React instantly and calmly, though letting her know with your tone that what she has done is unacceptable! If you refuse to spank her when you get to the car (though I suggest it) then put her in a time out in her car seat. You are going to have to outlast her. Set an amount of time for the time out and wait. Ignore the crying and the begging, do not reward such behavior by trying to calm her. When its over you can bring her back into the store and repeat this process consistently each time she hits you, explaining that she cannot hit. If you are not consistent - even though that may be difficult because you are in the middle of shopping - she will learn nothing. Your child learning not to hit is more important than any shopping.
Personally, though, I do not think that spanking is hypocritical. It would be hypocritical if you were just slapping her back in anger, then you are behaving like a two year old. But spanking is for the purpose of disciplining and showing the child in a way she can understand (and she will understand this better as she gets older and you explain it to her) that there are consequences to our actions... especially hitting. That's my take, hope it helps!

Edit.
I wouldn't suggest going home to punish her, because like you said she will have forgotten by then. And not only that, you she shouldn't learn that all she has to do to get you to go home is hit you.

Answer 3

For while shopping. I would either not take her, or engage her. At 2 she is old enough to know what alot of your groceries are. Draw pictures on paper and have her help you "look" for them. Get her excited and reward her with praise and clapps when she finds something to keep her interested. If she still acts up then she is not ready to go to the store with you yet.

As far as hitting, two wrongs don't make a right. She is to be punished immediately for hitting. Via- time out. If you hit her back you have lost control. A 2 year old doesn't understand why she can't hit if you can. Makes no sence. Sticking with time out for 2 minutes (1 minute for each year old) she will learn that hitting is not allowed and YOU are in charge not her.

Good luck!!

Answer 4

I think one of their biggest frustrations is that they see a lot of very interesting things in the store that they want to touch ,eat or play with. When they are strapped in they cannot do just that. What I would do because it has worked with my 31/2 son is that I make him take part. He chooses for instance what apples we will get. Sometimes he does not really pick the good ones so I point it out to him ,then he chooses another until we are both happy with the choice ..When he was much younger though, I would choose something colorful and safe for him to play with while I shop. That worked for me too. Now not only is he entertained , he is also happy.Then when he gets bored again I choose another and another ...What is great about this short stops if you are not hurried is that it then becomes such a special time for both of you.It works too in the park or in a doctors office or just about everywhere. Just use your imagination like for instance pointing out a bug or an ant if in the park or playing with rocks that are magically dinasour eggs. Or when you are in the doctors office there are so many magazines, you can start showing her pictures or get her crayons and she can start scribbling....and you know what ,a little spanking ( just to get her attention) does wonders too.I can just imagine all the frustration when you want something and could not just yet find the words to convey. So try to be a little bit more patient . If and when you find yourself pulling out your hair coz there is nothing you've done to remedy the situation, forgive yourself coz remember you are only human too So good luck to you.

Answer 5

My mom said she would pick us up, hold us under one of her arms, leave the cart there, walk out the store with us screaming, stick us in the car seat, and drive home. Then she would wait until she could get someone to watch us and go to the store by herself.
My mom was a teenage mom though, so I don't know how well that actually worked... it was just something to stop her from getting too stressed out in the middle of the grocery store.

Answer 6

Why is she getting mad? Is the temptation of goodies making her frustrated? Is she hungry...tired? Not that these excuse the hitting, but it helps the adult stay in control if you know why she is behaving poorly.

That said, a lot of toddlers go through a period of hitting. Maybe they don't have the language skills to express their anger and maybe their just toddlers! I would say something, sternly, to the effect of no hitting or keep your hands to yourself and move out of her reach. Sometimes it escalates to a tantrum and you just leave or let them create a scene. Try timing your errands in the morning, use the art of distracting and include her in the shopping.

Answer 7

What I've done with my boys during that phase (when in public) is to hold their hands in mine and get down to their level. Then I tell them "It is NOT ok to hurt Mommy." I say this very firmly, then ask if they understand. Then I have them repeat this. Hitting her back will do no good in my opinion--seems like that just perpetuates violence. Another thing I've done with my boys is to attempt to teach them empathy. This is kind of sneaky, but if they behave that way in a "safe place" (home or other comfy place), I will actually pretend to cry and tell them they've hurt me. This really affects them for some reason. My oldest actually used to cry with me. My youngest feels awful and tells me he's sorry. I know how difficult this time is, and I'm still dealing with the tail end of it with my little one. You sound like a good mom and whatever you do, I know you'll get through this. Good luck, and just remember you're the MOM and you can do this!

Answer 8

Hit her back! Just kidding!

When my son has hit me sometimes I have ended contact with him. I say, "Mommy isn't going to play with you because you aren't being nice, we don't hit." Or I have said things like," Hands are for helping, not for hitting." and I put him in time out.

You can put her in time out while in the store. Who cares what other people think! I have done public timeouts and that seems to stop my son in his tracks because it is embarrassing to be in trouble while in public. Another thing you can do is immediately remove her from the situation. When she acts up in the store go and put her in the car and stay there with her until she calms down or go to the restroom etc. Children need to behave as well and even better in public as they do at home. Often we let them get away with things and don't discipline them in public for fear of what other people will think. In the end it is damaging because they learn that they don't need to behave while in public.

Answer 9

Try to threaten time out when you get home if she does not stop act like you had enough and tell her you are going to go home for a time out and pretend to leave.

If their is anything that she wanted and you got it for her put it back so if she acts up over it say "Next time you hit I will put it back"

Only thing I can think of right now.

hope it helps a bit and Good luck

Answer 10

I am going through the same thing with my son who is 18 months old. I usually take his arm and say NO hitting isn't nice. If I am at home I make him sit on the couch for a time out but he laughs at me. Good luck.