if your dad abandoned you in 2000 and just found out he died should i be sad??

Question

if he left for another woman should you be sad he died??

Answer 1

Of course you shold still be sad. Being aware of the reality of the situation doesn't change that he was your father. You haven't lost a close relationship, but you have lost the opportunity to have one.

Answer 2

Actually it Depends on if he left you out of the Will or not...seriously...If you were in the Will...yes you should feel sad -because even though he left without contact for the last 6 years he apparently did care about you...and for whatever reason just didn't have or find a way of letting you know. If you are Not in the Will- then no you have no reason to feel sad **(other then the fact that he was your Father and there are no other chances for him to be in your life again). So if you were not in the Will you know he didn't care enough to consider you in the event of his death and that is why he didn't stay in touch. Guess it is all in how you look at the situation.

Answer 3

You are obviously older than six years of age, and as it was only six years ago that your father abandoned ‘your mother’ it is perhaps worth remembering the years that he did stay with you.

I don’t know what his relationship with your mother was like, so I am certainly not going to judge him for what he did.

I believe it is important to remember that in many situations, the decision to end a relationship is not easy to make. It is possible that things may have been going really bad between your mum and dad for many years, and that he stayed with your mum until he believed she could perhaps manage to raise you without him.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not making excuses for your father. As I said, I don’t know what your father’s relationship with your mum was like, so I can’t criticise him. I will just say that when a husband divorces his wife, it shouldn’t be seen as him divorcing his kids. It is quite possible that leaving you with your mother was the hardest decision he ever had to make. He may have loved you very much, but considered that to continue his relationship with your mother may have caused you much harm.

I can’t tell you whether you should feel ‘sad’ that he died.
I don’t know what your memories of him ‘as a father’ are like.
If you have happy memories of times you shared together, then perhaps you could feel sad that those times couldn’t continue.
If he continued to make ‘financial contributions toward your upbringing’ after he left your mum, then that is perhaps worthy of some consideration.

I think the point that requires major consideration is that unless you are fully aware of the circumstances that led to him leaving your mother, then you perhaps shouldn’t judge him.

Perhaps if there is an old ‘Family Photo Album’ that you can have a look through, you may well find there are many beautiful moments that you and your father shared together when you were younger, and you may then find yourself ‘feeling sad’ for the times since forgotten.

The feelings you have toward your father will perhaps change over time.
Much will depend on whether or not you learn to ‘forgive him’ for what he did !!!

Answer 4

Well, I would be. After all he is still your dad. Even though you probably have all kinds of resentment , anger & hurt towards him. Thats ok to have those feelings. He probably knew you would have these feelings. It's like he left you with all these unresolved questions you must have had for him. I don't know why people just up and abandon their kids even if they do leave with another woman. I just don't get that at all. And I can understand why you would be upset and angry with him.

Answer 5

Well if you have known him for most of your life since it sounds like you are older then a 6 yr old. How do you really feel about him? Did you love him as a father and did he do things with you and for you as a father should do before he abandoned you? These are questions you need to ask yourself on if you should be sad of his passing! Look deep inside yourself for the answer! Only you should be able to answer this one!! You were his daughter and you did know him!!

Answer 6

No matter how you feel, your feelings are legitimate for this time. If you are sad, that is normal, If you miss him, that is normal. If you don't feel anything, that is normal too. He hurt you by leaving and maybe you can't feel sad for him till later. There is no right or wrong in feeling. It is just what it is and as you know feelings will change soon. Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 7

Your feelings can't be wrong. There is no "should." Feel how you feel. You may be very angry - or sad - or indifferent with a "who cares" attitude. If you don't even care at all, that is okay too. Don't worry about how you think you should feel or even how others (including us) think you should feel. Only your heart can tell you that. Good luck. And remember, YOU have nothing to feel guilty about.

Answer 8

A father always has a special place in a child's heart...no matter what he did to hurt you or your mother. Parents are human, therefore fallible. It is natural to be angry at his actions, but that doesn't mean that you can't also still love the man and be sad at his loss.

Answer 9

YES!!! Even though your Dad left you Mom, he still loved(s) you and raised you!!

My mom did the same thing to my Dad, and I was there to see it all happen. My mom is still alive, thank goodness, but I would certainly be devastated if my mom died even though she did some pretty terrible things to my Dad.

Answer 10

There is no wrong way or right way to feel. He is your father no matter what he has done! If you feel sad then that is your feelings and no one can help how they feel. This is also true if you feel nothing! Maybe you might feel angry, or hate, or a sense of loss...whatever the feelings are they are yours and no one has the right to tell you how to feel!