I don't want to upset anyone or offend anyone but......
I live in a well known beauty spot and all our relatives think they can come and stay with us for a free holiday. I work full time (and have a part time job and a voluntary job) and feel I just can't cope with the constant stream of guests anymore.
My husband has a huge family and if we have one we have to have them all to stay at some point.
I have the part time job to help pay for food for the relatives when they come to stay. Because they are very active when they are here they all come back to my place with massive hunger pangs. I tried to ask for some help towards the costs but was firmly told by one relative that fuel is so expensive here the cost of the holiday was already above their budget.......
I do like having people to stay but just not EVERY weekend.......
2006-09-07 01:52:07 · 25 answers · asked by Storm Rider 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Lots of good ideas to think over. I think hubby is a bit of a soft touch as he gives in to every sob story from his family.
"Katie didn't get her bonus this year so she and the kids can't afford to go away."
"They could have a couple of weeks with us."
When Katie is one of 30 nephews and neices you get the scale of the problem. I do love them all but have got to the point where I want some "me time"!
I am a supersensative coeliac and don't allow gluten in my house - this makes for big problems in asking folk to bring their own food as if they had pizza, bread, biscuits I would have to replace cooking utensils, oven shelves, pots and pans and plates.... another reason why I have to cook as it is impossible for non-coeliacs to know what is safe and what isn't safe for me.
Our nearest supermarket is 26 miles away so buying food in isn't easy!
2006-09-07 02:37:03 · update #1
do you feel you get treated like a hotel sometimes....
So, there's the answer.
Say you're offering a couple of rooms for B&B during the high season so they can't visit so often unless they can contribute to the cost of losing a B&B guest.
Its difficult, but needs to be done.
Then you'll see. If they really want to come and see you, they will come in the winter. If they don't, you can probably do without thier visits altogether.
2006-09-07 02:01:59 · answer #1 · answered by Michael H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are going to have to put your foot down, it's YOUR home not a vacation home... the next time someone calls (i hope they at least call) tell them that you're not free this weekend... that you were planning to spend the weekend alone at home with just your hubby & kids (if u have kids). second, i would quit the part-time job or if you continue to work, then put the money in savings. however, if it's your husband's relatives that keep coming over then i would definetly quit the part time job and let him worry about feeding his own relatives. third, if you do plan on letting them come over, i would tell them to bring groceries, if they only have money for gas then they shouldn't go... you're not making them go, they're going of their own choice! if you weren't there.. not only would they pay for gas, but food & a hotel as well.
If that relative had told me that the holiday was above their budget, i would've told them to put it off until they're able to afford it better. and if they get mad and don't want to talk to you.... even better!!! you won't hear from them for a while and you will have some peace and privacy. stick up for yourself.
2006-09-07 09:03:44 · answer #2 · answered by ana g 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you working to feed other people?
Tell them thats why you have to work to feed the hoardes of people who visit and expect everything for free!
If you get silly answers like "oh thats nice of you we'll be down friday" then get angry they are taking advantage tell them the jobs gone you cant afford to do it anymore and you may have to move to a new job in chatham!!
Believe me as someone said earlier they wont visit you there!
If they still come and you cant face telling them to bog off make sure there is no food around if they ask why say you cant afford after their last visit make sure the room they stay in is as basic as possible when they ask why say you had to sell the furniture to pay for the food the last time they visited and the excuse about the fuel is crap they are scroungers DONT put up with it your worth more
Good luck its not easy but your be glad you did it
2006-09-07 09:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by ms_j_uk12 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They're called moochers and like any other person who mooches from you need to be told in specific terms that we are not a five star hotel, actually it should be YOUR husband that tells his family and he shouldn't cave in.
Tell them that meals will not be served to them that other than breakfast, which they need to provide for and make themselves, should be out of the house experiences.
When I visit I bring my own towels and sundries and always offer to help out with expenses. That's the correct and proper thing to do family or friend.
Limit the amount they stay and make sure they know they are responsible for their own entertainment like they would be on any other vacation.
They can't afford to do this then don't come.
2006-09-07 09:03:00 · answer #4 · answered by Lizzy-tish 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does your husband feel about it? If he feels the same then next time someone wants to stay , say that you need a contribution towards the food etc.
Failing that go and stay with them ( bring a few friends too) and eat them out of house and home a few times!
2006-09-07 08:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tricky one! I agree with everyone, you need your husband help, talk to him first. Talk doesn't mean having a row!! Explain the situation he should understand. If not, cook only potatoes during the week, he will soon be fed up and then you can tell him that is all you can afford since all your budget goes to feed his relative every weekend!!!
2006-09-07 09:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by Elliott 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you could just say that you're busy or you've got friends staying over or something. Give them the number of a nice and cheap local B&B and suggest that they stay there, but that you'd love to meet them for dinner one night or something.
Weekends are precious and should be spent relaxing and doing things you enjoy, not catering for others. And what little is left of hard earned salaries after paying the bills, should be spent of a few luxuries for yourself.
2006-09-07 09:00:22 · answer #7 · answered by Wafflebox 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The big problem here is that you will have to upset and offend people, and it seems to me about time you did it in a big way. What a charmless bunch of free-loaders the family must be.
You need to put your foot firmly down with your husband in the first place, and with his extended cadging family in the second, and tell him, and them, that the free holiday lark has stopped, right now, and for ever.
I'm amazed you have put up with this as long as you have, and your husband needs a kick in the pants for allowing it to happen. High time you told the lot of 'em to sling-their-hooks.
2006-09-07 08:59:42 · answer #8 · answered by Phish 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them you are going away or can't manage it this weekend because you need a break Your hubby should do something to ease the situation! If fuel is above their budget then they really can't afford a holiday and should stay at home as other people do who can't afford it!
2006-09-07 08:57:09 · answer #9 · answered by Angel D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Presently I am on vacation staying with my son in sunny California. I've purchased my own food.....and we've also taken care of much needed maintenance on his home due to he and his wife both working.
I've cooked, and also baked to offset the fact that I am using one of his bedrooms.
House guests from HELL is what you have. MOOCHERS that come on vacation and expect the everything for nothing.....MOOCHERS need to be told......
I wouldn't dream of showing up at my son's without groceries to feed myself. I also don't leave dirty dishes in the sink for someone else to take care of!
There is also YOUR part in this situation you've let happen. Don't make your home so available. If it's not convenient tell the relatives. If you're not accessible your home will be free of the house guests from HELL!
2006-09-07 09:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋