My boyfriend told me this morning that he feels under pressure to perform in the bedroom.?

Question

Our sex life has decreased significantly lately even though he still flirts with me all the time. Take yesterday for instance. While we were at the grocery store, he kept making references to what he was going to do to me later that night (if you know what I mean) and stealing grabs of my butt when no one was looking. When we got home, this continued while we were making dinner & doing the dishes. He even put his hands down my pants several times. But when we went to bed, nothing. Just an "I love you" and a cuddle before he fell asleep. When I asked him about it this morning, he told me he feels pressured to perform every time we have sex and he was worried that after a couple of beers last night, that he might not be able to. I have to admit, this isn't the first time in the past week that I have asked him what's up? He said the more I keep on him about it, the more pressured he feels. He told me that I need to leave it alone and it will get better the less he feels pressure

Answer 1

This is a delicate situation, and I hesitate to advise you. What you're describing is a very common anxiety -- there's nothing unusual about it at all. The potential problem is that if the issue is not addressed, if neither you nor he talks about it nor does anything about it, it is possible for an anxiety like this to grow and/or to become entrenched. If you ignore it, it might indeed go away, as he suggests, but, it might not. The easiest thing to try is, the next time he has treated you playfully through the evening as you describe, for you to initiate sex when you go to bed. Begin touching him and tell him, "Relax. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to perform. Just lay there and enjoy the feel." Then, take your time and, really, don't make him do anything but lay there -- you do all the work. Often, doing this just once or twice will be enough to make a man's performance anxiety disappear, because what you're doing is proving to him that he really does NOT have to "perform".

Answer 2

What i'm reading right this is nuts. this could't be approximately approximately making love. This reads like some style of bookkeeper's technique instruction manual, or like the widely used administration records for defense stress specification hardware. purely a delicate hint: while you're working from a itemizing, you're no longer doing it for exciting. while you're no longer doing it for exciting, you're making me unhappy. Yeah, you have some mutual demands and a few mutual responsibilities contained in the sack, and the play is ruled (gently) by some agreed set of policies. shop 'em in all fairness. the interest you have defined now demands a minimum of three officers, a referee, and a collection to run the on the spot replay pictures contained in the form of a undertaking to the call.

Answer 3

I think that he is not under any pressure but his mood was off due to lack of response from u when he was touching u all the way later that night and in the dinner. I think u should have also touched him in the same manner or the other. It also shows that he loves you so much and he might have thought that as there was no response from u thinking that u are not in mood, so, he doesnt wanted to pressure u to have sex

Answer 4

From my experience a man can put pressure on himself when it comes to performing in bed. In my case it was because our relationship was going downhill and I no longer was attracted to my ex g/f in a sexual way. My g/f was the one who usually made the advances , mostly at night when we were in bed. I would worry so much about not getting an erection that it was almost impossible for mini-me to awake. I'm not saying that your b/f is not attracted to you, after all he's the one making the advances, he might be afraid of not getting it up or maybe even not being able to please you.

Answer 5

Yes!....one for the guys! Finally get to turn the tables around for all you other ladies out there who pull the same crap on us guys! And you wonder why we're caught in the bathroom with Rosie and her 5 sisters or maybe down at the adult bookstore!....or here's one more, maybe, just maybe, he's coming out, and/or feeling, or not feeling, like playing with you anymore! There's more to this than your telling us and it's about time that you got honest with yourself...let alone those of us who you ask for help! Don't care if you don't pick my answer, just want you and everyone else to know that this sh** sucks and yes it has happen to me as I'm sure it's happened to some of you! Fess Up!......didn't mean to come across so rudely...hope things work out for both!

Answer 6

Talk to him about how you feel and tell him that his performance is not the most important thing when you make love. It's the closeness and intimacy you feel with him. Try to be more inventive and try some role playing, it will take his mind off performing.

Answer 7

you wanting to have sex with him shouldn't feel like pressure, it should feel like..."Hell yeah she wants to screw me!" Maybe he feels like he's doing something wrong and needs reassurance..Talk to him when you are not in bed and see if he reacts any differently about it, this isn't something to be left alone sex is a very important part in a relationship and should be talked about..

Answer 8

He could be talking himself up to you but when its time to do the deed he hasnt got a clue, drinking dosnt help with them getting up, just like any drug. When he's laying down, why dont you make the moves so he dosnt have to?

Answer 9

YOu both need to sit down and work out a plan as to how he can feel less pressure.

Is there something you do to him, or does he bring this on himself?

Answer 10

He may feel more comfortable if you initiate sex. Everyone wants to feel wanted. You know how to be seductive - seduce him.

If he balks, there may be something more serious going on. If you can't talk to him about it, you may want to consider some self-study or even (couples') counseling to facilitate communication.