How do you politely tell a neighbor to stop being clingy?

Question

I have this neighbor I just met a month ago and at first impression was very nice and friendly. Then suddenly she began to just show up at my door for weekday visits when I get home from work (so not a good time), calls me everyday to ask what I'm doing and tries to either get me over to her house or tries to invite herself over. She can see my backyard from her yard so she knows when I'm home or entertaining others. Also, I recently found out she's on anti-depressants so I don't want to be rude and thoughtless when I speak to her but what do I say to get her to respect my privacy? -- Loss for words

Answer 1

just tell her what's on your mind simply as that

Answer 2

She needs some boundaries, but you shouldn't be rude or completely cut her off.

When she is at your door when you get home from work, You say,
"Oh Hi Mary! I don't want to be rude, but this really isn't a good time for me! I just walked in the door after a long day at work, and this can be a very hectic time of day for me! Let's get together another time, thank you! Bye!"

When she calls to ask what you are doing,
"Hi Mary! Actually right now I am in the middle of something and I simply do not have the time to chat. Gotta go!"

Finally, once she has some boundaries and isn't trying to be with you EVERY day - consider that she is depressed and lonely and it wouldn't be a bad idea to befriend her. Cheer her up!

Motivate her and encourage her to do something that will help with her depression. Exercise is a great way to help with depression, maybe you two could schedule a 30 minute walk every other day! (The key word is Schedule, so you have her on a less intrusive and set time)

Once you get her out and feeling better, she will be making new friends, She'll be less dependent on you!

Answer 3

You can never tell someone to stop being clingy without sounding rude, and she's your NEIGHBOUR, so you have to exercise more patince with her for she'll be the first person you'll have to run to when a burglar comes in or your house is on fire.

What you COULD do is tell her you're busy, and that you come home very tired after work, and hence you might not be able to visit her often. If she wants to come to your place, say, yes, but do your own thing while she's there. That way, she'll get bored and leave you, and may not come again on weekdays. But be civil and polite to her at all times, and let HER decide to not disturb you.

It's a skill I learnt over the years.

You can do it!

Answer 4

This person is desperate for friendship and companionship. She is a very lonely person and a person who does not understand that other people need their privacy and rest.

Tell her you are always tired after work and need your rest and privacy, so you would appreciate it very much if she doesn't call you or come over everyday. Better still if she has other members of her family whom you can tallk to in confidence to get her to stop doing what she is doing.

Get caller ID to avoid answering her calls. Don't open the door for her......shout from the window to tell her that you are busy or need to sleep and can't get the door or entertain her.

Answer 5

Explain to her when she just shows up that you are busy and this isn't a good time so you can't visit with her. Then suggest that she calls you some other time to get together. Repeat this when she comes over without calling every time even if you aren't busy until she starts calling first. Then when she begins calling you can use that opportunity to arrange a meeting, preferably somewhere besides your house. If you don't want to ever see her you can make excuses and she will eventually stop calling, but if you do want to see her you're free to schedule get togethers are your leisure.

Answer 6

This is definitely a tough situation, and I appreciate your willingness to handle it with sensitivity.

Maybe when you talk to your neighbor, you could explain that you would really appreciate a call before she comes over. When she calls to see if she can come over, you can say things like, "That's a good idea, but now's not a good time for me," when a visit is not appropriate.

It sounds like this person is probably lonely and really appreciates company. It might help you and her if you invite her to social events you are going to, such as church meetings or clubs. It will help her expand her circle of friends so she won't be depending on you for all her social interaction.

Answer 7

This is a tough one. You may need to tell her that you can see her once a week at an appointment. Then when you do see her, pay attention to her for the time she is with you and then tell her that you must leave. It is tough love, but it may be the best way. You don't want to lose the friendship - it is not fun living next to an enemy. For example, I live near a conservative Republican.

Answer 8

Tell her very nicely that you are busy, but would like to talk some other time, if you do that maybe she will take the hint. I think she may just be lonely,when you talk to her maybe you can suggest that she might want to volunteer at a hospital as a greeter, or something like that. good luck!

Answer 9

I once had a neighbor like this too. She moved, thankfully. I finally figured out people like that don't take hints, you'll probably have to be blunt and almost rude to get it to stop.

Oh well. It's rude of HER to keep pestering you.

Answer 10

Tell her all your problems, financial, familial, about your cats and dogs and the vet bills (you get the idea), and then make her a dinner, dessert, and then tell her more about your problems, start cleaning the house with her present, and hopefully she'll get the message.

Answer 11

are you sure it is clinginess that is causing this, and not something more??? like an attraction???

be careful... it could be something more serious and a whole lot more complicated... just ask her why she constantly needs the companionship and see if you can get to the bottom of it...