He said yes and then we started trying and now he changed his mind and said that he doesn't want antoher child. He is divorced (6 years) and has a 12 year old son. What must i do?? I feel it's unfair towards me but whe have such a great relationship and we both love each other... Should i stick around and see if he changes his mind i'm emotionaly confused and really don't know what to do!!!!!!!! Am depressed about the situation and don't think i will be able to cope with a break up right now...
2006-09-06 22:29:08 · 13 answers · asked by Cins 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I notice he is not committed entirely to you .
Why would you want a child when he won`t even marry you .
It doesn`t sound like he wants to stick around for ever .?
2006-09-06 22:37:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Because you have a great relation going on, you should at least give him some time to think about it and see if he does change his mind. Even though it may seem unfair towards you, it may also be unfair towards him (at the moment) that you want a child. Consider his 12 year old son, how would he feel if he knew that you were having a child? Psychologically, it can damage the relationship between the father and son (as if a divorce wasn't hard enough on the son). So you should allow him to have some time to think or rethink it over, a few weeks or months, to let him decide. You should also make sure that the son is ok with it. If he still doesn't want a child or the son is very opposed to having a stepsibling, then you have to make a decision when that time comes. Good luck.
2006-09-07 05:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by MikeG 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Am interested in the answers you get as I am in exactly the same situation.
I'm with someone I really love, respect and admire, I'm really enjoying my relationship with him and can't think of anyone I'd rather have a child with. I'm 27 too and had hoped to start a family by now. I'm not in a huge rush but would like to be with someone who wants a family one day. My man knows this and hasn't exactly ruled it out but isn't at all keen either.
He has a 12 year old son who he never sees and a three year old daugher (who I know he misses terribly, but he never sees her either). I don't necessarily want a child right now, though I'd be thrilled if I found out I was pregnant, but I can't get him to make a decision. I feel I ought to leave him if he really dosn't want one but I adore him and he'd be such a good Dad - he's never been given the chance and he's really great with kids, he's so much to offer! I think he's afraid I'd take the child away from him as the other mothers did but I can't convince him to try, third time lucky, with me.
I've told myself I'll give him a year or two and see but I'm afraid I'll be over the hill by 30, reading articles about older Mums helps, but my Mum was about 40 when she had me and I always wanted to be a young Mum so I could play with my children like my Mum never could.
I agree, I'm totally confused about this and my emotions really don't help.
Keep in touch and let me know how you get on / what you think!
___________
OMG, some of those answers are really harsh!!! Ignore the god botherers, they live in a different culture where sex before marriage is bad. I did think of 'accidentally' getting pregnant but I really think he'd freak out if I did that and I want my child to have two loving parents. I want him and any future child to feel loved by me. I agree, give it time. Who knows what may happen in the future, you might have a major arguement with him and meet someone the next day who can't wait to father your child. Be positive and ignore the nasty comments here!
2006-09-07 05:45:33 · answer #3 · answered by Katie D 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't want another child, he doesn't want another child. I can see his side of it too. I mean he has a 12yo that will be off to college, and living his own life in 6 years. Why start the whole process over again. If I was divorced, and was remarried and my new husband wanted to have a baby, and my kids were that old, I would say hell no, not doing THAT again.
My advice is to move on. Since you want to have a baby, and he is being wishy-washy about it, the outcome isn't looking to bright.
If you get pg relatively soon, he will say you did it on purpose knowing that he didn't want anymore. The list goes on.
2006-09-07 05:54:31 · answer #4 · answered by Jillian B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he hasnt married you yet then he's not ready for a baby yet. Thats the problem with great guys who come from bad relationships, they tend to drag their emotional baggage into their next relationship.
I think you guys need to sit down over dinner and talk about it. You are 27. Personally my cut off time for having anymore kids is 30. Your clock must be ticking some loud. I feel bad for you.
2006-09-07 07:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by Mariah&Lydias_Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have that much time and emotion invested in each other then you need to sit down with a therapist and get down to the true reasons for his change of mind. And what you're both willing to sacrifice to stay toghether. Or if you can't compromise.
I broke up with my girlfriend for the same reason. I wanted to wait a few years, but she said her clock was ticking and wanted to have a baby before she turned 30.
Once my nephew was born I totally changed my mind about having kids. Unfortunately it was too late.
2006-09-07 06:17:17 · answer #6 · answered by Kainoa 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, wahootexan I think you are totally out of line with your comments.
I think you are a grown woman and you should choose what you want in life. I am a single parent, but have always wished I had been married to someone who loved me before I had children. It sounds like to me that he has one that is almost grown and maybe he doesn't want to start over. It would probably be a mistake to become pregnant with him, but if you love him enough you should decide whether or not you want to give up having children. Btw, he sounds just a little selfish, just from the facts you have presented, you deserve everything you want in life!
2006-09-07 05:55:51 · answer #7 · answered by amgirlaw 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well he is a human being who is allowed to change his mind. Maybe it was a first response out of love but without much thought.
Its a huge change to consider, becoming a parent, and all that it involves. You may be ready to make the jump but if he is hesitating, it maybe that he is not ready yet. Men think differently from women because they have different things to bring to a parenting relationship.
Women give birth and nuture, their maternal instinct is so strong it overcomes all other emotions. But men have different dreams and ideas, and their own personal image of things they think they need to provide for a family unit (financially etc) and if he feels he's not in a position to provide you and the child with all of that, then this may make him stop to reconsider.
Dont lose heart. This may have not much to do with you (as a significant other, co-parent etc). It may have more to do with him, so dont take it personally. Try to convince him how you two are prepared but if he digs his heels in, then you have to respect that.
Its a hard job being a parent without having to cope with one of the two in the team (because it IS teamwork) not being ready and not being sure.
Give it time. Good luck.
2006-09-07 05:40:23 · answer #8 · answered by RealChic 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
At the risk of sounding old fashioned here..,if you wanted children you should never have moved in with him.Women who move in with men wants no commitment to the relationship.If he doesnt want anymore children I would suggest moving out and finding a real man that wont ask you to move in with him and respects you enough to marry you.You need to find these things out about someone before shacking up with them.Thats not a way to raise a child in the first place.
2006-09-07 05:39:29 · answer #9 · answered by halfbright 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it seems that this man is using u, sister wake up and tell this man to take a hike, He is not willing to commit to u, he just want a free ride with u. don't let him waste your time,hes a devocee hes got a child, he doesn't care about your feelings at 27 u need someone who will see thing from your point of view.
2006-09-07 05:44:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋