my boyfriend moved into my place about a year ago and he is the nicest guy in the world but he is obsessed with his sport and goes training most evenings and weekends. Weekends: he is up at 8 leaves to go training and comes back around 2, if he has a race he is often back late in the evening/or i spend the day watching his race. 3 weeknights out of five he trains straight after work until about 8pm, has a shower + eats the food I've made for him, stays up for about an hour then goes to bed. He also has an evening at his parents house. In the past 7 days he's spent one whole evening with me and half a Saturday. It feels like he treats the place like a hotel and takes me for granted. If I mention it to him he flips out and says he spends all his spare time with me. He does - he just doesn't seem to have any spare time! Sometimes I wish he would realise exactly how little time he spends with me. Is this normal?
2006-09-06 21:49:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sorry he races every weekend and his races are at the other end of the country
2006-09-06 21:50:45 · update #1
yes i have got a job + yes i am really supportive. it just feels like he just wants to eat with me and sleep with me. it was fun at first but a year on when we're trying to grow closer it's getting hard to cope with.
2006-09-06 22:23:43 · update #2
He has no incentive to change. He has everything he wants - a nice home to use as a base, his meals cooked for him, a partner he can be with whenever he wants and the freedom to pursue his own interests to his hearts desire.
Not much in it for you though is there - you just get the crumbs.
Relationships are about compromise. Sure each partner should encourage the other in their interests but not to the detriment of the relationship. You need to lay down some ground rules, that there are at least two evenings a week that you spend together and one day at the weekends.
If he won't agree to this, or seems resentful and restless being with you when he would rather be training, ie, he is not investing emotional energy into the relationship, then I am afraid this is a doomed relationship and you need to give him his marching orders.
2006-09-06 21:58:35 · answer #1 · answered by granny2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand what you mean.
i am an academic's wife and often he works late, and although we are married, we have arguments if he tends to work late some weeks and then comes home tired, eats the food and goes to bed.
just talk to him - if he flips, just calm him, sit him down and talk to him gently. tell him how you feel. tell him you really want to spend more time with him and you feel that the time hes making for you is insufficient. tell him its got nothing to do with your love for him, but you really wish he had more time.
ask him to think about it... tell him that it is very important that couples spend quality time with each other or they end up falling apart slowly and you dont want to do that.... talk to him calmly and i am sure he will take your views onboard...
if he says he'll think about it and see what he can do, just smile and say thanks... then pls have patience.... and give him some time to make changes...
if he really loves you and values you, he will try his best to even cut half an hour from his busy schedule - and remember to value that and make the most of it when he does !!!
good luck and i hope things change soon !!
remember CALM CONVERSATION ok ! tell us how you got on !
2006-09-07 04:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by GorGeous_Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun hes dedicated to his sports and it CAN take over your life - but he needs to make time for you also - its going to be a tricky one to approach, as an athlete he HAS to keep fit etc but maybe if you suggest that he take one night off a week - and trust me that wont KILL him - for you guys to spend together doing something nice - that you'd consider that a fair comprimise - for starters!!
Actually show him about how neglected you feel - its one thing to talk about it but to actually point out in detail how lonely you are and yet willing to follow him to races etc he may double think about things. On another level though - wouldnt it be worse if he was one of thes guys that spends every night down the pub getting wasted!!! whilst I realise its not such a nice situation to be in - it could be a lot worse!! Good luck!
2006-09-07 05:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
May i ask you- dont you work in any engagement? are indoor 24/7? well, just have to sit-up babe or else u end up knowing nothing. be busy and u will not feel the absence so much again coz both of you will now meet when u really need each other.
2006-09-07 05:00:02 · answer #4 · answered by signorina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U should not think thet he hesitates u. He has some ambitions about his sports so he cant concentrate on u if he have some time he spends it with u if u gointly encarage him in his sports he will achieve his goal and have more love on u ever before.
2006-09-07 05:05:08 · answer #5 · answered by valu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u either can accept him as he is with all his trainings or u can kick him out and find someone else. but complaining here wouldn't help at all. there is nothing u can do about it - just learn how to love and accept. if u can't - u have to leave him. don't make both of your lives miserable
2006-09-07 07:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,i guess you are being over reactive,he i guess is buildong up his career,he is not havinf fun with other women or men out there,right and its the fact that whatever lil time he gets he spends it with you,you gotta grow uo and support him!!this is life!!he cannot be with you 24/7,think and think wise,good luck!!
2006-09-07 04:54:11 · answer #7 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spend equal amounts of time out, and proportion of spare time, and see if he realises what it feel likes. if continues get rid, simple!!
2006-09-07 04:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should probably have an affiar. That would take your mind off the situation - plus it'll be exciting!
2006-09-07 05:13:01 · answer #9 · answered by Stomach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly...if he was interested in you, he would do what he could to be with you. instead of training, he'd want to spend a great deal of his time with you. I'm sorry, and it's probably not what you want to hear.....but it's you complaining...not him...it's gotta tell you something.
i train very often...but my family comes first.....because i love them and want to spend time with them.
2006-09-07 05:50:54 · answer #10 · answered by canada grl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋