My boyfriend has full custody of his 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son from his previous marriage. His daughter is taking it very hard that her mother really wants nothing to do with her despite my boyfriends wishes for them to see eachother. She had full custody for a while then called family services and said she couldn't do it anymore. She maybe sees her kids 1-2 times a month and now she is talking about moving away and has even told her kids that. For 20 min straight tonight she cried for her "mommy" and she does it about 2-3 a week. We tried to comfort her and I even thought about calling her mom so she could talk to her but we decided against it because we didn't want to give Emily false hope. We think the visits are doing more damage then good. How do you explain to a 6 y/o their mom wants nothing to do with them? I've told her that her mom is sick but she doesn't beleive me. She's starting grade 1 tomorrow and we're afraid this will interfear with her studies.
2006-09-06 20:31:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm also worried that my boyfriend will be blamed oneday for her mothers actions which will not be true because he tries to get her to come see them or take them for the weekend. We don't konw what to do and I can't stand to see her so upset anymore. She should be enjoying life, not crying in her bedroom.
2006-09-06 20:33:36 · update #1
Get her into see a "good" child counselor or psychologist. Being as family services has already been involved, they may be able to recommend one and maybe even help pay for the service.
Don't listen to amateurs. Get to a professional. Hopefully with guidance, the girl's affection can be guided and channeled to another person. Do this the wrong way and the child will resent anyone who tries to come between her and her mother. The child might even fantasize that it's not the mother's fault and that every one else is the problem and keeping them apart.
2006-09-06 20:39:40 · answer #1 · answered by Spiritual but not religious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a mom to her give her love and be caring. Tell her mommy has to go away for awhile and really needs a time out. But comfort her be there for her hold her love her. If her mother doesn't want to be around then stop the visit NOW, have her mother write her a letter that when she get older she can read and feel comfort. But you need to step up and take the full responsibility of a mother not to be mean. Keep reassuring her that you will always be there for her.
2006-09-06 20:50:30 · answer #2 · answered by medevilqueen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God that sucks. You can never fill that hole, and some kids are more resilient than others. She probably is an attention seeker, beings as how she's been denied attention. Teach her when and how it would be appropriate to express grief. reward her with positive attention when she does it right. If she's carrying on in an inappropriate way or place, remove her from all attention and let her know what she can do to express herself nest time. Don't let her grow up feeling sorry for herself and making her be a victim. Life is not fair. It sucks not to have your mom around, but she's lucky enough to have people who care. Don't encourage self pity and victim behavior.Good Luck
2006-09-06 20:51:28 · answer #3 · answered by theinfalliblenena 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is only six that is to be expected she needs space and patience. This is not something that is going to happen over night I think all of you should be in counseling. It really needs to be decided by your boyfriend if you are the right now girl or the right girl after all this is a big transition for him and his children, so he needs to decide if your in the picture to stay so that they will not have to encounter another lost. Contact with her mother is vital you should call her but not to make her feel bad. I really think that the big picture here is that your boyfriend is learning the meaning of full time parenting through you. The mother tried but now needs a break and that takes courage. YOUR boyfriend needs to put himself in her shoes. You need to step back and allow him to deal
2006-09-06 21:04:58 · answer #4 · answered by ann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds llike the mother might be thinking that she cannot provide for Emily proper and maybe this is a sham or she want a clean slaet in dating in that case that is the worse I think
but I think your in no frame of mind of marriage I am thinking that Emily wants a mommie and a daddy that is only normal maybe if you could do things like a family to her might help I do not know just a lot of variblesa in what I said to put down I am just going to leave it here and you figure out an aswer I think this is best
2006-09-06 20:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by Paul G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring her to a counsellor and have the experts talk to her.
For now, it is best, you guys still show her the same amount of care and concern and love. Do not show any less or any favouritism less she misinterpret that everyone else don't want her like her mum.
Have to know that she would say hurtful words to you and your boyfriend and would appear to be disobedient and would also talk back. Take heart that she is going through a difficult phase and you need to moderate your expectations.
2006-09-06 20:39:50 · answer #6 · answered by choy_daniel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the girl is not dumb, she knows what is going on, but the best thing to do is let her call her mom and try to visit her, not long visits, but day visits, no over nights. I wish more dad's cared so much as he does.The girl will know the truth I promise. My dad raised me, I never got a card, call or a visit from my mom growing up and the thing I knew , but had to be sure of was if she cared at all, to be honest it's my step-dad who cares for me more than my own mom.
2006-09-06 20:52:26 · answer #7 · answered by really???? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even once you won't have the ability to be with him, leave him notes or some thing small for his lunch which you think of he will like. A notice daily may well be great, or a notice for whilst he comes living house from college. Even some thing small from the dollar shop, may well be sturdy. are you able to call him in the evenings once you're at artwork? He should be attentive to that even once you're actually not with him, you're questioning of him and loving him. confer with him approximately his behaviour - no hitting, no yelling and no conversing impolite to others - yet you will additionally ought to make specific that anybody else does not hit, yell or talk impolite to HIM. Your mom and dad additionally ought to make specific he's respectful in direction of them - i does not propose spanking, yet chatting with him may well be terrific - he sounds unhappy and harm. according to possibility your mom and dad additionally desire a smash. might it is available on your son to pass to a sitter as quickly as a week? according to possibility one night each week there could be a community teen who ought to take him to the park to play ball or some thing? Your mom and dad have raised their babies, and that i'm specific they do no longer techniques assisting you, yet in addition they desire a smash in specific cases.
2016-10-14 10:06:36 · answer #8 · answered by hultman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
their is probably no right answer.
it sounds too me that you and the father of this little girl are doing ever thing you can too make it right.
keep showing the attention that you give this little girl
and tell dad hes doing a great job as a father trying too do the right thing.
good luck and my prayers are with you both
2006-09-06 20:44:26 · answer #9 · answered by Ozark American 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just give her alot off love counceling helps to but she needs a mother figure to help
2006-09-06 20:37:30 · answer #10 · answered by sweetlily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋