Family problems.?

Question

im having a lot of trouble with my family.my parents have been saying since i was probably 10 or 11, that they're going to get a divorce, im 15 now, and 16 next may. but its taken this long to do anything toward that divorce, and thats MY fault. with the encouragment and support of my boyfriend, i pushed my mom very hard to get the ball rolling. starting with moving into something smaller for me and her. yet, my father has failed to take himself out of our home. my mom has babied my father for a very long time, and because of that, my father is an alcoholic, drug user, who beats both me and my mom. yet, that isnt enough for my mom to finally give him the boot. i can say i hate my parents.
i've considered suicide, moving into an apartment with my boyfriend, or a friend, living on my own, living with other family, and none just seem right, my thoughts always come to living with my boyfriend, but im not old enough, and i dont want him getting in trouble with the law.
what could i do?

Answer 1

None of this stuff is your fault.

Contact your local women's shelter as soon as you read this post. Do not stay in an abusive environment. The women's shelter will be able to help you in many ways. Do not tell your parents you are looking at this option, until you are ready to make a move, or at least have had some counselling at the women's shelter..

The cycle of family abuse is vicious, and you are in no state of mind to enter into a relationship until you learn about the cycle of violence and how to escape from it. Be careful about your mother, I know you love her, but she is not thinking rationally, and you won't be able to help her until you can help yourself.

Long-term, consider the option of staying with some non-abusive relatives, until you can get into college. The women's shelter will be able to arrange temporary housing until you can secure something more permanent. It is also possible in many states that there is special student housing at colleges when you are ready for college.

Again, don't try to cure your mom, she's trying to help your dad and it doesn't appear to be working. If you can overcome this abuse, it may inspire her to care for herself. Take care of yourself first. There is good counselling available to help you make the best choices, from women's shelter and other social services agencies.

Take care of yourself, and Good Luck

Answer 2

My wife went through several foster homes when younger, some good, some not so good, but better than the home she was in.

I would suggest you contact social services or Child Protective Services of some sort and let them know what is going on, because then they can place you with a foster family while trying to help your mom and dad.

At 15 you should not be living on your own or with a boyfriend, but should have some sort of family structure that is supportive of you and supportive for you.

Don't worry about getting him in trouble with the law, that is his problem.

We have three adopted kids and the hardest thing to get them to understand is that the problems of their parents are not their problems.

By understanding that, they became so much happier and healthier emotionally, and right now your mental and emotional health are at stake by staying in this abusive home through some sort of loyalty to your parents..

Answer 3

hello i work at a domestic violence shelter and just wanted to give a bit of info that possibly can help.

1- domestic violence is about power and control. your father has power and control of your mom and there for she is probably afraid to leave.

2-you could look in to emancipation which means the law considers you an adult and you would be treated like you were 18 but normally you need to have a really good reason which you have and a job/jobs that pay enough for you to get by on your own.

And finally PLEASE READ- Domestic violence is a learned behavior which means your father learned it and you mother leaned to be a victim. That means you have learned to be in many but not all ways a victim also. You ultimatly choose how to live but are 50% more likely to be a victim yourself so running to your presumably older boyfriend does not seem like a great idea. we are all attracted to people with similar underlying qualities as our parents and i see it all the time. So be careful about relying on anyone other that yourself to get by. You may find yourself in the same place as your mother.

Answer 4

Hi, it is indeed sad to learn of your predicament. I understand it is not easy for you, especially when people closest to you do not seem to understand you.

However I think you also need to be understanding of your parents, and not just go hating them. Hating them will not solve your problem, and yet still leave you drained and tired. So I would rather you do something to help yourself and not get upset over it.

There must be something between your parents, otherwise they would not have gotten married in the first place. Your Mum must have loved your Dad and this is why she is not divorcing him yet. Love is unpredictable, it cannot be stereotyped, so the way things are, looks like she is acceptable of his behaviour. Which looks like you are not.

So to state the truth, I can only give you some possible ways to help yourself, the rest will be up to you to manage yourself the best you can, for yourself.

One option is relatives. Do you have any who is close enough to you that you can stay with them for some time? Any lady cousin you can bunk in with? This will be good if there is, as they will be more understanding of your situation and more likely to render aid to you as a relative.

Next option is close friend, other than your boyfriend. May be a classmate or schoolmate. One whom you know can take you in for a while while your family matters get sorted out. Of course, if you can, help out in her place like your own home so as not to be a free-loader. At least that will make you staying with them more acceptable to them.

Third option is your boyfriend. How well do you know his family? Will they allow you to stay with them for the time being? if you are quite familiar with them, staying with your boyfriend should not be a problem as long as you 2 do not behave like married couple.

Staying on your own probably will be the last resort, if you really cannot stand living in your home. However you also need to consider the cost involved. It will be so easy as wanting to do it and not bother about the consequences.

How is your relation with your mother? Are you able to tell her of your intention and get her agreement, since your worry is your father? This is so that she does not get too worried about you too.

By the way, have you been talking to your Mum about your feeling on this issue? About how you feel about she and your Dad and about improving the family situation and relationship of the members involved? See if you can have her give her view of the situation too. I think a good talk between the 2 of you is the best option and for you to consider the others ONLY if there can be no improvement to the situation.

Wish you get your problem solved fast. Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

Every home has their own family problem, normally some problems are bigger than the other. We should realise tht, its the parents problem not ours because its their life. The only thing we can do is explain and describe our feelings, more then tht its up to them.
I mean you are going to be an adult soon, you;'ll live your life but for the time being you just have to try your best to make the home a good place. You should talk to you parents often and explain that you really do care.
The encouragement and support of your boyfriend to let your parents be seperated is a bad advice, if your mom loves your dad and vice versa, y shld any1 get divorsed? We have to try our best to attach the family together, afterall its the family who is there when we are sad and happy.
I understand you situation and it is quite hard, but who should constantly take part in the lives of your parents, advice them good things, afterall we learn from our and our family's mistakes, i bet you'll create a better atmosphere in your life for your kids, afterall constant fighting and domestic violence affects children's psychology greatly.
TRY TO BRING BACK YOUR FAMILY TOGETHER, MAKE YOUR FAMILY HAPPY BY CONSTANT ADVICE AND SHARE OF FEELINGS, AFTERALL THEY WILL LISTEN THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY.

Answer 6

Concentrate on YOU, and your studies. It's evident you're gonna need a good job to be independent. Dont move in with your boyfriend, to get out of the house. That is the worse reason to do so. Concentrate on filling your thoughts on whatever you need to do to gain your independence. And before you know it, that time will arrive when you'll be able to move out and be on your own. You might also consider a part time job when you turn 16.
Your folks obviously have issues. And you apparantly have more sense then the both of them. Good luck, and dont do anything you may regret in the very near future.

Answer 7

A it is not your job to live your parents life live yours. Sit down with your mom and tell her you are leaving because he beats on the both of you and you need to leave to get out of that situation.No ONE has the right to beat on some one else.Maybe she'll leave with you.She feels bad for what he has become and thinks if she stays she can help but if she stays she enables him to do what he does.Never suicide there is so many great things you can do in your life.Its just hard right now cause you don't know what to do. Go with family that you know you can talk to and then maybe they'll help your mom and dad they are adults they are better equipt to deal with there problems.

Answer 8

do you like a extensive kinfolk? I by no skill needed a extensive kinfolk, I even have 4 babies and that i'm getting reactions from some human beings like i had 14! lol it is astonishing what some human beings evaluate "extensive". How great is 'adequate'? for me...3 became into adequate, yet one snuck in there...LOL he's lovable although so i think of we are going to save 'em. What might i call them? properly..they *are* named Kyle David, Brandon JonGuard, Delaney Josephine and Hayden Ronald. they are named for kinfolk. basically theory i might upload...i swore i might by no skill force a mini van too, yet there is no way that 4 little ones will slot in an SUV conveniently esp once you're coping with booster chairs. and as properly, mini autos are a helluva lot safer than SUVs...my little ones secure practices is greater significant than my arrogance. and that i actually dislike the coverage costs on SUVs besides. I rock my minivan LOL (it is not undesirable looking the two a 2004 Nissan Quest V6), unwell be upgrading in 2010 although :) the two oldest are teen and tween so momma gets her relaxing wheels in a twelve months.

Answer 9

you deserve to have a happy life. Your parents have done some hurtful things to you. Your dad should not beat you and your mom should not be living in the abusive environment where your dad is. I would go to the best family member or the best home of a friend. It is NOT your fault. It is your parent's fault. You are just a kid trying to have a stable home.

Answer 10

You're not old enough to move out.
It would be great if your parents saw a marriage
counselor.
If I were you, I would find a part time job and save
the money so I could move out at eighteen.