My boyfriend and I moved into together 9 months ago and I feel like it was too soon and it eventually broke us up. I know that some people say that moving into with someone is the best way to know if you are compatible but I also wonder if there is a right time because I feel like we weren't ready and now we are broken up. I know it's bad to play the what if game and that everything is supposed to happen for a reason but I guess I really just want to learn from this. Personal experience would be great.
2006-09-06 19:28:37 · 7 answers · asked by caroline 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I used to think that I'd NEVER live with a man before being married. The idea was just absurd to me. I'm sure that's due in part to my upbringing. Anyhow, now I'm 24; and to this day I haven't lived with a man. I *sort of* lived with my current boyfriend for a few months while I was having very serious difficulties with my ex-roommate. I was over there as often as possible. But that's still not the same as living together.
I DID spend time at my "other" apartment sometimes. ALL of my things weren't at his apartment. So I had somewhere else to go. Hence, I didn't feel like I was "stuck" there. Now I have my own apartment and we spend time at each other's places but don't live together.
As far as when would be the best time to move in together, here is my opinion: I don't think it's a good idea to move in with someone if there aren't already *serious* plans for marriage. By serious, I don't mean that the subject has been mentioned here and there. I mean there should be some sort of timeline in place and a ring on the finger. That is my opinion.
From observing my friends' relationships, moving in with someone "to know if you're compatible" doesn't really work. I don't think it's necessary to share bath towels every single morning in order to know if you're compatible. People can go without living together and still spend HUGE amounts of time together. My boyfriend and I do.
Also from observing my peer/friends, it seems that people are FAR too eager to move in with their partner. It seems that they don't take it very seriously. This is something I have trouble understanding because I'm not that way at all. Relationships are serious to me, and quite honestly... if there's not a real chance that it will end in marriage, I don't waste my time.
So I say... sleep at each other's places as often as you want... every night even. But don't move in together (which in essense means merging assets) until you are both in agreement that you are seriously pursuing marriage. And I don't mean it like "Yeah, maybe we'll get married in 7 years." I mean... move in together so that you can start merging your lives and preparing for the marriage that you have planned.
My boyfriend and I are agreed that we are pursuing a life and marriage together, but don't feel it's time to move in yet. We don't want to do that until we are a little more settled financially and he is done with school. That way we can be taking concentrated steps forward to marriage instead of just playing the "waiting game."
I hope this is helpful, at least somewhat.
2006-09-06 20:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think both people should keep their own place until they get married. I mean you can still sleep at the other's place whenever but you still have your own house to get away from each other when you need to. I have always made the mistake of moving in with my boyfriends and then I end up feeling stuck in the relationship. If I had it to do over again I would stay living by myself until I knew for sure it was a completely commited relationship leading to marraige.
2006-09-06 19:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by ginger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, dating is about seeing if you are compatible with each other even if it is moving in. actually there is no way to tell when the right time is. the only way to move onto that step is when you feel its right. trust me if it doesn't feel right than it wasn't meant to happen in the first place.
2006-09-06 19:36:58 · answer #3 · answered by Jason B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm I know that its todays expectation that everyone would, and or should live together before marriage, Buuuuuut. I did it the old fashioned way, we dated, we got engaged, and we married and moved in together with a marriage certificate. may seem strange but ive been married 22 years, still going strong.
2006-09-06 19:33:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
when you've married! IF you or the other person aren't willing to commit into a maraige relationship, what savety do you have. He could leave you for someone else whenever he wants to and it wouldn't be wrong, 'cuase he isn't married to you. He can so what he likes. Do you want that ot happen? Didn't think so...Good luck! I think you need it!!!
2006-09-06 19:33:15 · answer #5 · answered by amanda b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the best time to move in with someone your dating is when you know that you love them. if you rush, things can go bad.
2006-09-06 19:32:52 · answer #6 · answered by kitten loves her boo boo bear!! 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i no this sounds bad but perfurbly wait till marrage cuz hten u no eachorther really well
2006-09-06 19:33:33 · answer #7 · answered by all_canadin_girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋