How can I get my 4 year old daughter to stop crying?

Question

My daughter cries about anything everyday atleast 6 times a day. If she can't do something she would give up and start crying if she can't find something she cries if she has trouble putting on her clothes instead of asking for help like she knows she is supposed to, she cries and it's a whole lot more but too much to type. And it's usually small thing that's not a big deal. When I ask her why is she crying she says she doesn't know. I explain to her that she is a big girl and only babies communicate by crying and that big girls should talk to people to let them know what is wrong she cries as I tell her this. I don't yell at her and I am very nice to her so why is she crying so much? What should I do to get her to stop it is really gettin annoying and frustrating.

Answer 1

My daughter did the same thing. Its gonna take time because you have to reteach her how to deal with her frustrations. Start by doing this: when she gets frustrated and starts crying, Calmly ask her what is wrong. Tell her that you understand why she is frustrated but crying isnt going to solve the problem. tell her when she calms down you will be happy to show her/help her. She will calm down and ask for your help. If it happens again with the same situation, tell her remember what we did last time and wait till she calms down and show her again. She will probably grow out of it too but right now this is the onl;y way she knows how to deal withher frustrations. You were rigt not to get mad at her and she shouldnt be punished but she should also be given time to settle down and stop crying before you explain anything to her. i learned with my daughter that if I tried to correct the behavior while she was upset that it would make the situation worse. Like I said, its gonna take time. Also, be aware of how you or any older children or spouse handle stressful situations. Make sure that you show her by example the right way to deal with stress. Good Luck and I hope this helps

Ps this is pretty normal of children that young. dont think that she is ready to see a therapists. some kids are just more sensitive than others. its ok and doesnt mean they have a disorder or that something is going wrong on their life. Just be patient and try not to get frustrated and be consistant

Answer 2

It is difficult to conclude from so little information to go on, BUT it sounds like she has learned that crying gets you to come and solve her problem. If she is frustrated or cannot accomplish a task she cries and you come to the rescue. Every time you do that you reinforce the behavior. Obviously you do not want to ignore her cries every time she does it--you need to be sure that she isn't injured--but once you see what she is doing then you should ignore her. Why should she put forth effort to communicate with you verbally when this works so well for her. At first she will just cry some more but when that does not work for her she will explore other options, unless you let her crying manipulate you into giving in again.

Answer 3

I also have a 4 yo dd and I experience this every day. Can't say I haven't second guessed her mental health and mine!

To the advice giver who said this is NOT normal- I disagree. Most kids go through a tantrum phase. That is pretty normal, although she didn't really go through this at age 2 like most do. She was very agreeable until around age 3 when she began to freak out crying if she was disciplined or didn't get her way.

Today, we had a solution that stopped a sad moment pretty well. I explained that if she was going to keep on crying about not getting her way (after about 10 explanations and warnings) that that meant she was tired and needed a rest. Since she doesn't take naps anymore, she freaked out crying when I suggested it, but after a few more minutes of it, we both laid down in my room her baby brother was sleeping in their room) and had a "time out." And it worked, after about 2 minutes, we were up again and she was in a better mood.

I agree w/ the other advice giver- often just a little time together, spent on another project will calm kids this age down, or just resting together.

good luck

Answer 4

One thing I tell my 4 year old is that I can't understand crying words, I can only understand talking words. Is she just crying out of frustration? My son does this sometimes when he's very tired. The slightest thing will set him off if he needs sleep so I let some things slide if I know that's why he's upset.
Just keep explaining to her over and over each time that she needs to use talking words. If there is a problem she can help you solve it. Get a pen and paper and come up with ideas with her to solve the problem. Then once all ideas are written, go over them together and you both cross off ones that won't work. That should help her with some problem solving skills. My son loves to do that with me.
Sometimes my 4 year old cries more than my infant! I think it's partly due to the age but I really don't know.

Answer 5

I think not showing attention if she cries will work. It might take a while for it to kick in, but keep to it. I think she will get over it and will know that they wont get attention. When my son does things like that he is four too... I just tell him I am not looking at him. He doesnt like that answer and he will stop. Its something so simple but it works for him. But Im not sure if the crying thing is a girl thing at all? I like some of the answers you got. Gives you some ideas! Good luck! :)

Answer 6

My four year old son is the same way. He has a twin sister and I thought maybe he recieved too many female hormones in the womb and it was driving me nuts that he cried all the time. It got to the point that I tried ignoring his crying and couldn't tell if it was for no reason or if he got hurt because he'd just look at me and cry when I ask him what's wrong. I took him to a psychologist and they put him on medicine to alter his mood swings as he is too young to diagnose with depression or anything else. It helps alot along with prompting to use his words and telling him mommy doesn't understand baby cries.

Answer 7

When children her age cry like that it is usually because they have something bothering them. Or are reacting to a situation. Has there been any changes in your household, or in preschool?
The best thing to do is try and find out what is bothering her. She is probably upset or frustrated with something going on in her life. That she may not be able to explain. If you can not get her to open up, and this behaviors keeps up. You may want to think about taking her to a therapist. Good luck.

Answer 8

First, try not to let this frustrate you, as you may act on impulse w/ out thinking. Crying, no matter what age is really a desperate plea for attention, so maybe she needs a playmate? To her, you're old and don't kno what its like being 4!! Maybe a little girl, or nice boy a couple times a week. Then we she starts crying, you can say, "Do you wanna see ( ) this week, then stop crying & behave. "

Answer 9

your putting too much pressure on her to be a big girl, take her out for a day go to the zoo , the park , build a bear , the important thing is just have silly fun, If she wants you to carry her then carry her ( for a short time ) and don't say anything to her about being a big girl or that she has do it herself, If she goes the whole day with no problems and keeps hugging you , then you will surely know she needs help to be a big girl

Answer 10

I feel your pain. What has made a difference with my daughter is her best friend who is 1 year older. She looks at my daughter and says, "Now I know your mom said you have to go home, but don't cry, OK? You don't have to cry about everything!"

I also stress that she must use her words. If she won't use her words, I ignore her until she does.