any good cannibal jokes please?

Question

Im putting together a cannibal joke book

Answer 1

Hoping this will help ^_^ goodluck

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
They're very bitter.

Why do cannibals prefer eating readers to writers?
Because writers cramp but readers digest.

What did the cannibal do after he had dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ***.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his uncle in the woods?

Two cannibals just finished a big meal and one turns to the other while rubbing his stomach with his fist and say, "You know, I just ate my mother-in-law, and she still doesn't agree with me!"

What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a *******.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

When do cannibals leave the table?
When everyone's eaten.

The first cannibal asked the 2nd cannibal, "Aren't you done eating yet?" The 2nd cannibal replied, "I'm on my last leg now."

Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food?
He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

One cannibal to another: I never met a man I didn't like!

What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.

Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant?
Dinner costs an arm and a leg.

Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture?
Eatin' Allen's.

What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.

What is a cannibal's favorite game?
Swallow the leader.

What do cannibals make out of politicians?
Bologna sandwiches.

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher?

Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd replies, "So, try the potatoes.

Cannibal's recipe book: How to Serve Your Fellow Man.

A cannibal visited his neighbor to admire his new refrigerator. "What is the storage capacity?" the man asked.

"I'm not exactly sure," the neighbor replied. "But it at least holds the two men that brought it."

A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?"

And the tourist guide says, "Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa."

And the tourist says, "But there may be still some cannibals."

And the tourist guide says, "No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday."

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are FRIARS!"

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh dad, there's one."

"No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough."

"No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

"Why not?" asked the son.

"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, "You betcha!"

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi."

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"

The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi."

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"

The Chief replied, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you...you know...eat, their...'things'?"

The chief says, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuer.

"No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke."

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary was incredulous, and said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"

The laughing missionary said, "I just peed in their soup!"

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

These two cannibals kill a missionary. They argue for a while about how to divide him up, when finally, one of them says, "Okay. You start at the head and I'll start at the feet."

So they begin their tasty feast. After a while one of them says, "Hey, this is really great. I'm having a ball."

"Slow down!" cries the other cannibal "You're eating too fast!"

One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25. The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?"

The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"

Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a large meal. "Your wife makes a delicious roast," one chief said.

"Thanks," his friend said, "I'm gonna miss her!"

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."

There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again: "Okay . . . . NOW you're screwed."

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."

The king then explains the trial to him-you have to shove the fruits up your *** without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten.

The first apple went in...but on the second one he winced in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

The second guy arrives with ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...but on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, "As your stay is coming to an end, it is time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger."

This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers. CLICK-CLICK Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.

The African ambassador was much impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.

When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, "Now it is time for you to sample our game, African roulette". So saying, he led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six beautiful, naked women.

The African ambassador said, "These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a ******* - take your pick."

The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, "Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?"

With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered: "One of them is a cannibal."

Answer 2

There was a cannibal on an Island that was taken over by the British Goverment,saying he could no longer eat any one else,so starving and not aloud to eat any one, he filed a law suit against the goverment.Although he had a case he lost.Why? He didn't have a leg to stand on.

Answer 3

:O didnt read my ones? well here they are

A Japanese, Chinese and Korean are captured by cannibals to be eaten. But before they eat, they have decided to have fun with them. So the cannibal says "All three of you must bring 10 fruits which must be the same fruit and of identicle size". So the 3 men hurry off. Firstly, the Japanese man comes with 10 apples of the same size. The cannibal goes "Now i will shove them up ur ***!" and the Japanese goes "what?". And the cannibal goes, "we will shove it up ur *** and if u make a single sound we will eat u, but if u dont u r free to go." The cannibal starts shoving apples up the man's ***. On the 7th apple he screams and is eaten. The Korean man comes with 10 cherries. The cannibal does his little talk again and starts shoving cherries up the man's ***. On the 9th cherry, the Korean man laughs and is eaten. In heaven the Japanese man asks "y did u laugh, u only had 1 more cherry!" and the Korean man answers "I saw the Chinese man coming with pineapples!!"



The 3 men are captured in the morning by the cannibals. The 3 men are are going to be eaten, but first, the cannibal says he wants to tenderise their meats. The cannibal says "u will get 100 beatings with a bamboo stick on ur *** and if u laugh or scream you will be stored for the chief's feast tonight, but ur allowed 1 wish before u r beaten" The japanese man goes first and he asks for 10 pillows. On the 67th beating, he screams and is stored away in the cage. The chinese man goes next and thinks hes smarter and asks for 20 pillows. On the 92nd beating he screams and is stored away. The korean man goes next and asks for...
the chinese man!

Answer 4

Why dont cannibals eat clown? they taste funny, ( i know bad)

How come you never hear any good cannibal jokes? They are in poor taste

Answer 5

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny?"

Answer 6

whats a definition of trust?
2 cannibals doing a sixty nine

Answer 7

two cannibals eating a circus clown, one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

damn you already got this one

Answer 8

Two canibals go into a canibal bar in Penzance. One goes to the bar and orders two Canadian heads. The barman serves the heads and the canibal takes them over to his friend. they have another couple of these and are starting to get a bit merry when one of them goes to the bar and is told there are no Canadian heads left; but if he wants, the barman would do him two japanese for the price of one, with the house's appolgies for the inconvenience.
When he gets back to the table with the japanese heads his mate is a bit shocked that they have changed drinks so early and says to him........










We're not on the nips already are we????????

Answer 9

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Swede were captured by cannibals. They were told, "We're going to kill you and skin you, and eat your bodies, and use your skins to make canoes, but we're not cruel. We'll give you your choice of how we kill you."

The Englishman thinks about it. "Well dash it all," he says, "If I MUST die, I should prefer to go by hanging." So they threw a rope op over a palm tree and hung him; his last words were "God save the Queen!"

The Frenchman thinks about it. "Eef I MUS' die, I should preefaire to die by dreenking a glass of poison' wine." So they gave him a glas of poisoned wine; he swigged it down and died; his last words were "Vive la France!"

The Swede said, "Give me a fork." They gave him a fork and he started stabbing holes all over his body. His last words were, "Nobody gonna make a canoe outta ME."

Answer 10

There was this guy home alone, he heard a knock at the door answered it, it was the pizza guy but he didn't order a pizza, he became puzzled , then he became dinner. I know it's not funny but it started to flow and i went with it. Sorry.

Answer 11

what did the one cannibal say to the other cannibal?


mmm delish!