what do u say 2 a 15yr old gr-daughter that left & said she would leave every time she had 2 come back??

Question

a worried grandmother.

Answer 1

Why is she leaving? I won't pretend to know the mind of a 15 yr old - my daughter is 15.

If I were you, I would tell her how much I loved her and how much I worried for her - and that no matter what, I would never stop loving her. Then explain that if there was no way for me to convince her to stay, that I would have to let her go - but legally, i.e., sign her over to the state and allow them to enforce whatever laws they must for a minor child. I would then tell her again how worried I was for her and ask if there was some way that we could come to an agreement to 1) seek counseling; 2) talk everything out to see where the problems are; 3) explain that you want and need to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to keep her safe so that you don't have any regrets when she does leave. Mean it, try to show respect for her feelings and worries. Too often we forget that at some point, they become independent, but not able to care for themselves in this society yet and we continue to treat them as if they are young children. It's a habit that is painful to break, both on your part and hers. The bad news is that she can leave on her own. No matter how hard you try to fight her, she can leave - again and again. Calling the police to intervene will not help, eventually she will become desensitized to the law, possibly sending her in the wrong direction. Nor is sending her to boot camp a solution. Try EVERYTHING that you can to convince her that staying is a better option. If that doesn't work - then consider turning her over to the state as a ward, or boot camp. At least she'll be safe until she is of legal age.

From my heart to yours - Good Luck!

Answer 2

Does the girl live with you, or are you simply a concerned grandmother? If she is still with her parents, they may need counselling --the whole family may need counselling -- to sort out the problems. There are groups that can help -- Toughlove is one -- but it is most important to find out why the girl is threatening to leave. Has she done this on previous occasions, or is she simply threatening to do so now? There has to be a reason for this kind of behavior and, I'm sorry if this offends you, sometimes it is the parents who are at fault and something is happening that should not be happening. I know one of the parents is your child, so you'll probably react by saying nothing is wrong in the home, but something is, and you need to hear her side of the story too. Kids aren't always wrong.
It sounds like some kind of intervention is needed. If nothing can be worked out, she could perhaps find placement in a group home, but a 15 year old needs guidance and support, even if she doesn't think she does.

Answer 3

Cops will only deal with it for so long. Best you can tell her is that the way she is leading her life in the end she wont even want to look at herself in the mirror. and the shame and stench of failer will follow her through the rest f her life she will end up loosing people she deeply cares about and by the time she realizes what she has done to her life it will be to late to fix it.....Don't give up on her do everything you can...I Left home when I was 15 and regret it ever day of my life, been raped, beaten,lived on the streets, gone weeks without food, lost everything that meant really anything to me, got stuck in a group home and almost died due to an abscess that was closing off the throat due to the fact i was malnourished , my mother disowned me along with the rest of her family. and my father and step mother wont talk to me. i lost my friends and self respect. the only reason i am here today is because of my boyfriend and I was lucky That i got him if i hadn't i would have been dead 2 years ago.....

Answer 4

Maam at her age if there is a behavior problem she is getting set in her ways and it will be a struggle. Your best bet is to get help through your local county children services or behavioral help. Set fair and consistent guidelines and don't give in. At some point she may have to be a resident of the county to get the point.

Answer 5

Well if shes that disrespectful to her grandmother then get the police to scare her a bit..Im pretty sure any police officer would offer to help when it comes to kids disrespecting mom and grandmoms, get them to show her consequences of a run-away.

Answer 6

It would seem that she is angry/upset about something. Try to listen to what she has to say. Teenagers lives are to complicated these days and a lot of pressure is placed on them.
Where does she go when she leaves? Is she going to a friends house, boyfriend. Try to find out.

Answer 7

I don't think there's anything you CAN say. If she is that angry, it's best to let sleeping dogs, lie. Sorry.

But it sounds as though she has issues, and could, probably, use help (psychiatric).

If you are still in contact with her, let her know the door will always be open to her. Listen to HER suggestions as to what SHE is wanting to do....now and in the future.

Answer 8

Talk to her. Try to find out what is motivating her to want to leave her home. What do you know about her family dynamics. Is ther something going on that you need to be concerned about? She needs a trusted adult to talk to right now. It seems as though she is reaching out.

Answer 9

the age of 15 is a difficult age for her and for you talk with her if that dont work take her to some one to talk too. it could be a number of things going through her mind.
and she could be seeing just how far she can push you.
stand your ground right now it may be tough too. but, you will not regret doing that.
good luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer 10

Tell her go ahead and try it. The police will find you and you can get into trouble for being underage and not at home.