5 years ago my mom and i bought a house and it was a horrible mistake. she uses it to controll my life. she's a single mother and emotionally abusive. my bf and i r talking about movin in together but i'm scared of talking to her about it or anything else that might have to do with me moving on. i don't want to live in this house and would like to sell it. how do i aproach her about it without letting her put me on a guilt trip and tell me that i don't love her and don't care about her?
2006-09-06 16:45:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
well you know how ur mom is better then anyone else but if its wat u want to do do it...cause if not ul be putting up witht hat forever, so do it now and get it over with
if your mom doesnt understnad its her loss
Goodluck
ill pray 4 u
2006-09-06 16:47:10 · answer #1 · answered by Follower Of Christ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She will put you on a guilt trip - be prepared. Don't take the trip.
Think about your conversation in advance. What you want it to get some information across, and the information is - you're moving out. This gives you the power to negotiate the terms of what will happen to the house you currently live in right now. Are you paying part of the mortgage payments? Then by all means you should have a saying in what happens to the house - whether it needs to be sold or what else. If she's paying the morgtgage herself than just say you're moving out, see you later mom. Assure her that you won't leave her alone forever, that you will visit and so on. This way, you'll be in control of situation not her.
2006-09-06 16:46:57 · answer #2 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look I will answer as I am on your shoes .....If I want to move on
i will start from 0...I would give my Mom the house to live there ...she is my Mom I owe her my life , she will always be my mom no matter what , I would not sale anything ...I would forget about the whole thing even if I work hard for it.....that house it's the place i would always when things are not ok in my life it's the place my children will go to visit grandma....I do not know , i have lot's of values concerning parents, I would consider i am young and maybe I would ask for a loan putting this house in garantee and I would buy a nice apartment for my boyfriend and I
That's it get a loan and after you get the new place your boyfriend and you would start paying on it and it's giving also your boyfriend a little the responsability
2006-09-06 17:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by Yami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes families and houses are traps to keep you from realizing your true dreams. There is no way that I can think of to talk to her and have it be all right. You must establish yourself as an adult and leave your comfort zone and give up the guilt if you want to experience your innermost dreams. In the end, she will apologize to you for trying to hold you back and keep you trapped if she is a human being. If she is an animal she will never apologize. You must consider only yourself and your desires once you are an adult. The desires are there to lead you in your proper path for success in your life. You must leave if you want and have no regrets or guilt. I once told a friend that I would rather have guilt than regrets at the end of my life. At least I would have tried to be me. You are meant to leave your mother. Yet, you are also meant to always respect your mother. Respect does not mean you are tied down and unable to move. Respect means you allow her to live her life and show her that she has taught you how to live your life. However, one caution, I do not think this boyfriend will mean a lasting relationship. He is only a catalyst to help you get out and show the world your true, beautiful, accomplished self.
2006-09-06 16:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to live your own life. Just tell her thank you for everything she's done for you in the past, but you are ready to start a new phase of your life. And that it involves selling the house, and you want to give her the opportunity to buy your half. If she gives you a guilt trip just hold your ground. Just be calm and firm about your decision. Good luck.
2006-09-06 17:01:21 · answer #5 · answered by KayGeeTX 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard thing to deal with. What you have to realise is her insecurity isn't being deliberatly forced onto you. She proberly doesn't realise the effect it is having on your relationship with her. Sit down and let her know how you feel, and tell her how much she means to you, but you are an adult, and even if you are making a mistake it is yours to make, and you will never learn unless you make your own mistakes. Communication is the key. Don't be scared to talk to her, even if she reacts badly to begin with, it will give her something to think about and eventually she will realise you are right. Good Luck
2006-09-06 16:55:14 · answer #6 · answered by Sarina77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her outright, when she's in a good and understanding mood, of course.
She will send you on a guilt trip but maybe if you try to reason w/ her, she could understand, or you could see a lawyer and get your name released from the house since you said you bought it together, and let your mother stay there herself.
2006-09-06 16:52:55 · answer #7 · answered by ~*Prodigious*~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can stop believing her and accepting what she says about you. That's how emotionally abusive people manipulate those they abuse.
Move on. She's a grown up and needs to be responsible for herself and it is not right and it is not fair for her to expect you to be that support. The is HER job, you are the child, she is the parent.
You may have to, however, walk away from the house. She'll need to co-operate if you are to sell it, and she might not do that. You will need to decide what price your freedom will cost you.
2006-09-06 16:49:45 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ONE! don't jump out of the frying pan into the fire!
If you want to get on with your life, moving in with BOYfriend isn't doin' it.
That leads to premarital sex which you do not want to do as in God's eyes it is sin and you want to please Him and have a wonderful life.
Which I DO understand and you deserve.
I too, have a controlling Mom 'n had to come to terms with me being the same. BOY...did I have to change. lol
IF you can afford it.........leave the house as it is and let your Mom live there. It is good investment. OF COURSE, she is to pay the mortgage. OR you WILL sell...good deal, huh?
THEN, when you get married, you already have the good credit and fact you can use house in obtaining a better home.
PS: God never ever! told us when we could quit obeying our parents....wow, what a bummer........haha
But we mix up what obey is...It is simply love and honor them for whom they are and take care of them best you know how.
I just tell my Mom, "ok".....then do it my way...lol.....this is second time I have put my life on hold for just her.....and moved in to be with her....control, "oh my"! and all..
I am blessed to have these days with her and some of them I just wonder what I was thinking....
After all she is almost 90.
2006-09-06 17:15:03 · answer #9 · answered by deed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you bought the house together, you have every right to control yourself. You don't live under her roof, you live under a roof owned by the two of you.
If you sell, you each take half of what there is....sounds like a divorce.
You have to tell her to relax. If you bought a house, you're certainly grown-up. She needs to treat you like one.
2006-09-06 16:56:32 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well since you mentioned that you both bought the house you should be old enuf to move out selling might be harder cause its in both your names i assume...you have to sometimes put your foot down and tell her straight out cause if you dont you will never be able to live a happy life just thinking what is she going to think .. its time to take control of your life good luck (your in my prayers)
2006-09-06 16:55:38 · answer #11 · answered by liltexas36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋