Our father is an alcoholic and now she is married to one. Last week he pushed her (she was holding my neice who is two) because she wanted to leave because she found vodka in his truck. Then she called the cops they took him to jail and he was there for 26 hours. He has a very good state job and now she is thinking of dropping the charges as in our state to remove a phone from a wife trying to flee domestic violence is a felony. If he has a felony he WILL lose his job. She just completed college to be a teacher and she only has to complete her student teaching to become certified. His family came to help and has paid for his detox before he could go into rehab. He went to rehab today and he was all for it but now being without booze for a week he is miserable and he is blaming her and being an ***. He doesn't think rehab is a good idea. Insurance is paying for rehab. She will have no money if she leaves but she loves and wants to help him. I want her and my girls safe Help!!!!
2006-09-06 15:58:25 · 7 answers · asked by aleynam 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have your sister attend a codependency group or find resources to learn about codependency.
Your sister's husband has a rocky road ahead. There will be relapses and breaking any addiction isn't a clean process. She probably will need to separate herself from him for a while while he does get sober. He's blaming her because he's going through withdrawal. That takes time to get through. He's afraid to go without the booze and he needs reassurance that it's the right way to go. Rehab is a long process. Has anyone suggested a support group for him or a 12 step program? Is he getting any counseling while in rehab?
I'm not supporting an alcoholic or what they do. If she continues through with the charges, she will need to be prepared to have an income to support herself and him. So it might be a good idea for her to become certified and become a teacher?
You might not be able to do much to help your sister other than to help her find resources that can help her and to let her talk to you. She has to make the decision about what to do next.
2006-09-06 16:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by keyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not be able to. I understand your wanting to, this must be very stressful. But, your sister is going to make the choice that she thinks is right for her. And, unfortunately it may not be what you think she should do. He could beat her senseless and she could still stay. Sounds like she is pretty hooked in here. Especially if your dad was an alcoholic this is what she knows. Her constitution isn't yours; she may not be prepared to live a life with out this disease.
2006-09-06 23:10:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anne A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he pushed her once...and with the child in her arms...there is nothing saying he won't do worse later. Especially since she called the law on him. She should get as far away from him as possible and get a restraining order on him. Good job or not, NO man should EVER lay a hand on his woman out of anger.
2006-09-06 23:02:05 · answer #3 · answered by Mommymonster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have her look in the yellow pages for a "safe house" or organization for battered wives. She may be able to get help from a church close by also. She is in danger as long as he denies he has a problem and doesn't try to get himself straight. This may be just the beginning of the nightmare...... Stay close to her and help in any way you can...
2006-09-06 23:08:22 · answer #4 · answered by Patricia D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get out. Have her call community action to find her a safe house til she can work something else out. She should not drop the charges, Yes, he needs help, but dropping the charges will not help him and she must keep those kids safe.
2006-09-06 23:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by mommabearx7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Besides detox this man also needs counseling! Try to get them to go some marriage counselor, to see if they can try to work this huge issue out. If this doesn't work ,then I'd say move on. it's hard to say for her to stay, since he's violent and obviously she can't stand up to him, but I think your sister would also need someone to be there for her when her hubby comes back home.
2006-09-06 23:07:05 · answer #6 · answered by Natasha B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats too easy to answer,, she feels trapped,, but she better get out,, hes only going cuz he has too,, when he gets out hes gonna go after her for having him locked up so she better be ready or she might get a beating she never ever thought could happen,,, !!! you build your own castle,, now ya have to live in it!!!
2006-09-06 23:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by John C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋