my 4 year old grandaugher is a cleptomaniac?

Question

Please advise, her mom thinks it is funny i do not. Here are a few examples. When we go someplace, she will take things like car keys that are on a table, the other day we went to the beach and she picked up a mans bait bucket and i had to chase her to get it. We walked out of walmart the other night and she had a container of pop corn chicken under her arm. She always has to have things in her hands. Whenever we leave to go someplace she has to have something, doesn't matter what, even a crayon. I tell her she can have a toy in the car , but can not take it in the store, then she has a hissy when we get out of the car. She obsesses with things. She got new sandals with velcro and sat in a chair for 2 hours taking them on and off. And when you tell her to stop or try to direct her to something else she freaks. I finially had to put the shoes on the fridge , the noise was driving me crazy. She stomped down to the bedroom and screamed her head off. Help , this is not normal!

also, she pack rats clothes, puts underwear and socks under her bed or in her play purse and steals other peoples underwear out of the drawer and hides them.

Answer 1

She could be showing signs of having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. That was my first thought when reading what she does. Stealing things and being obsessive about having something in her hands are two very different things. I would try and talk to her mom and tell her that your concerns and try to get her to really listen. Chances are she knows all this, but is in denial about it all. If it's not OCD then she could have a clepto issue. When I worked in retail and a child took something from the store and the parents brought them back to return the item, this is going to sound mean, but the managers were supposed to attempt to make the child cry. They were supposed to tell the child anything to get a reaction out of them, to scare them enough not to want to do it again. They would tell the kids they were going to call the police, that they would have to go with the police for stealing, stuff like that. If this is really a stealing problem she has to learn that it is serious. Good luck.

Answer 2

I know you are having a hard time, but it's all so hilarious! I bet you can't wait to embarass her when she gets older with the stories. The velcro noise driving you crazy, I almost fell off my chair!

Give her time out, consistently. Even if you are out you throw the item she took out or you make her return it and then once you get home put her ona chair or in the corner for 4 minutes. may her say "stealing is wrong, i am sorry and I won't do it again." If she refuses so say those words time out again til she says it.

Is she getting bored at home, do you have enough activities for her. She might be obsessive because of a reason - boredom, insecurity, fear of not having enough stuff?

You should have a serious talk with the mother and although she finds it amusing it will come back and kick her in the *** in the future.

Answer 3

Your grandaughter needs to learn the difference between what is hers and what isn't. Most kids have to be taught this, what she is doing is not stealing. The fact that her Mom thinks its funny is only making it worse and sending the message that its ok. When she takes something that isn't hers retreive the item from her and tell her she can have something that is hers. If she tantrums then ignore the tantrum. She obviously has a busy mind. which can be a good thing. She also sounds like shes bored and needs more structured activity. Is it so bad to let her have a small toy when you go somewhere? She needs to learn some boundaries. I know its harder when the parent doesn't teach appropriate behavior, I had the same situation with my grandchildren. They learned to listen to me and liked being with me.

Answer 4

Little children are always picking everything up. It isn' stealing at this stage. This is the stage where you are supposed to be reminding her that taking things that don't belong to her is bad. That way it doesn't become a habit she carries to school.

As far as the temper tantrums. You have to approach them with a level head. Children are going to put 100% of their effort into a battle they know they are going to win. The key is don't give in, explain why and remain calm and assertive.

As far as your shoes, velcro is c.oooool, where can I get some :). hehe.

Answer 5

I'm not a doctor but it sound like she has attention deficit disorder,unfortunately most doctors will not test her now because of her age.it is sooo annoying i know i have a nine year old with it and sometimes i feel like crying,he will throw a fit for hours and i cannot get away from it,the thing is if they know you ll give in one time they will always try to push you to your breaking point,and give in.let them know no matter how much they cry and beg you will not give in and they will just have a punishment instead and follow through.about the stealing dont let her out of your sight until she can be trusted.put her in the cart and dont let her look at the toys and tell her why every time you go into the store,she will eventually understand what you expect out of her and at age 7 she can be tested if you still think she needs to be seen good luck!

Answer 6

It seems to us (the parents of 3 also trying children) she is doing her job very well. Her job is to push the boundries to see were you are. You need to put your arms around her to show her you are right there and in charge. Give her some love then try to change her direction and attention to something else. At 4 she would love to be put in charge of something to take care of. Maybe a cool new place for her shoes, and she is the only one who can put them there. Also, at the store give her something she can be in charge of, putting the items in the cart, or holding on to that special can of veggies. You can be the director of what she has in her hands. If she is obsessing about things, try to change her direction to something you can be included in, she will then probably want to change what she is doing....Thats how our kids always worked...good luck and hang in there....There will be a new phase along before you know it.....

Answer 7

It sounds like she just needs some discipline. I don't care what it is.. Velcro shoes, toys in stores, whatever, my child knows when I tell her to stop I mean now, and she isn't even 2 yet. Some people don't seem to care if their child throws fits and disobeys, but that kind of thing is only going to get worse. if your child doesn't have enough respect to listen to you at 4, what are they going to be like at 16?

My point is, all kids want to grab and horde everything in site. They see something pretty in a store and they want to take it with them, it is the parents who have to teach them differently. It sounds to me like your daughter is the one with the problem, not your granddaughter.

Answer 8

It's apparently normal for her. And she is a child, please let her be. If she has to have something in her hands to occupy herself, keep a couple of toys in your purse. When she grabs someone else's things, you simply state, "That {item} belongs to {such and such}. Here is something for you."
The reaction from the adult will be the most influential on this small child. If she is getting attention, (positive or negative) she will continue the behavior. If she is gently corrected and given an alternative, she will learn appropriate behavior. (See example)
And btw, it is OK for her to scream her head off, but establish a boundary. "If you are going to scream you will need to do that in your room. When you are finished screaming you may join the rest of us." Children need to vent as well as adults, but all children need to learn boundaries and appropriate behavior and it is up to us to teach them.
This particular child seems very inquisitive and very head strong. Do establish boundaries, but don't crush her spirit. Peace.

Answer 9

A cleptomaniac is someone who has the urge to still constantly...i don't believe your four year old granddaughter would be this kind of person...maybe she has a disorder of having to have something in her hands at all times...see a doctor....they will prob send her to a shrink...don't put that child through that....

Answer 10

There isn't much you can do if the mom doesn't care. The only thing you can do is correct her when she is with you and perhaps talk to her dad about it since the mom doesn't seem to care. If this behavior continues she may continue stealing things as she gets older and then it won't be very "funny."