Do you think it is rude not to put someones name on an invitation (if known) - or is just partner/friend ok?

Question

My partner of 3 years can't understand why I got so upset when an invitation arrived addressed to "Him and friend or partner" and yes the invitie does know me

Answer 1

Incredibly rude. And no, it's not acceptable. It would have taken 1 extra minute to find out your name and address the invite to you as well. It wasn't being careful or being thoughtful, it was being lazy and inappropriate. There's no excuse, whether it was a mother doing the invites, they weren't sure of your relationship, or whatever. Etiquette and common courtesy says that long time significant others either receive their own invite (if living separately) or are addressed by name on the inner envelope. Period.

It's happened to me and I was quite irritated as well. It made me think that they were only inviting for gifts, so they never got one from us.

Answer 2

As much as it may have offended you, what they did was acceptable. It was not the best way to go about it, but by no way were they being rude or insulting to you.

Putting both of your names on the envelope would have been long address. When addressing a wedding invite, full names are required, so having just his was a time and space saver.

For the inside card and/or reply card, they left it as his name with guest for easier usage. You have to remember a couple of things here.
1. Printed or hand written, the more wording on it, the more expensive it can get.
2. If they included every individual name per card, they would have to have a place to check for each name. A single line with number attending when there are more people that attending, makes it hard to figure out who is coming and who is staying home. A couple with 2 kids responding with 3 could mean either one parent or one child won't be there.
3. For people that aren't married (even if they have been together a long time) there is a slightly higher chance that their relationship may not be there come the wedding. It also insures that if you had to work or had other plans, he could still bring a friend instead of coming alone.

They were not being mean to you, they just were doing whatever was easiest for them. Planning a wedding is a lot of work, and any way to minimize that is great. Most people forget their best manners, so try to be foregiving and understanding. You may be just as crazy when it's your turn to get married.

Answer 3

According to the rules of etiquette, you're correct. If both the invitees names are known to the inviter, then the invitation should be addressed as such, either on one line, or on two lines. If unknown, then it is appropriate to put something like "Mr. Michael Smith and Guest"; however, this is a last resort, and technically, the inviter should call "Mr. Michael Smith" and ask who he is bringing so that his escort's name can be put on the invitation.
If I were you, I'd feel slighted, too, so I don't think you're overreacting. These people are either very poor at etiquette, being mean spirited or lazy. Or, maybe, all three.

Answer 4

If the couple lives together then the invitation must be addressed to both, if they do not live together then they should write a separate invitation for each. There was no excuse for not putting the name of the both of you on the invitation, it was very rude.

Answer 5

I did not find out until after the fact that one of my invites to one of my Husband's friends was labeled incorrectly. The man was married and my sister (who was helping) did not want to make a mistake and misspell the woman's first name so she wrote Joe Schmoe and guest.
Now this was a married couple and although I did not know the woman she hated me for years because of this.

Answer 6

If they know you well then it's a little odd, but I think rude would come into play if you weren't invited at all. Is this a large event? It's possible that the person who knows you wasn't the one who wrote your names on there. Or it could be a standard way they're addressing things when people aren't married.

Answer 7

Yes, I think it's rude. The host just didn't care enough to call and find out your name. Miss Manners thinks it's rude, too.

People are idiots nowadays and don't bother to learn about etiquette or do anyting properly. They do things like this "and Guest" business on invitations, plus plenty worse. It's awful.

Answer 8

Yes its rude, but don't assume the person writing the invitation knows your name. She might have had help and that was the best they could do.

Its a wedding not a Knighthood, if it upsets you then don't go.

Answer 9

You're right, it should have had your name on it. Better yet, you should have recieved your own invitation.

But don't be too mad about it. A lot of brides are too busy to pay much attention to ettiquette, or perhaps she followed someone's bad advice, thinking she was doing it right. Or, perhaps her mom did the invitations and didn't know you. I wouldn't be offended by it.

Answer 10

If you know the name you have to put it on the invitation.