Think i made a big mistake, can you help me?

Question

Been a single mom for 5 yrs. After a few bad relationships i reevaluted what i was really looking for in a partner i asked a friend of mine to give a guy i thought was what i was looking for my #. We talked on the phone here and there for about 2 wks. We talked about everything including sex. well one thing led to another and we ended up having sex before even going on a date. Not to be rude but he is not a prize as far as looks but personality is awsome and he is a great single dad. I get asked out on a weekly basis but turn them down cuz they dont seem the one for me. Well to make a long story short he hasnt called me since. i feel cheap for doing that and hope to never see him again. the problem is that our kids go to the same school in our small town and there is open house tommorrow. should i call him and say look, its obvious your not into me and i think i know why (since i gave it up to soon) or should i just hold my head up high and ignore him?

Answer 1

i also am a single mom and i say hold that head up high baby. Your only human. you shouldn't be ashamed. If anyone should it's him for being such an as@hole

Answer 2

Don't call him! First, you don't know if he's purposefully being a Dyck, or if he is being the typical air headed man that is awkward and procrastinating about what to say afterward, and then lets too much time elapse. Do not fall into the trap of thinking it so bad that you made a mistake. Life is full of them - you owed yourself the shot, and it's always going to be a leap of faith. It's exciting to forgo a long protracted getting to know you journey, as long as you were playing safe.

At the open house is the perfect time to see him without looking needy, there will probably be a moment to say a few words discreetly alone. If he is even half a man, he should be looking to get you alone long enough to address the awkwardness. It might even be a man's ego thing for him to act like there is nothing wrong - so many of us want to seem like jet set swingers. But if its not an act, if he really is a hit and runner, well, now you know. Probably act aloof yourself, yet a bit annoyed that he did not have the courtesy to give a ring afterward. We are still in a traditional enough society that the man should show appreciation, ESPECIALLY if he got the cookie sooner than hoped for.

And prepare yourself for this, though: - What if he shows up with a lady on his arm? It's possible you were deceived, and when it went all the way, he couldn't pass up the temptation of a shot, but now he has regrets, and is doing what dummies do, leaving it alone in hopes that it just goes away.

I'm stretching in my speculations, but if something like this is the case, don't make a scene, you will always be made to look the worse. Think of the kids on both sides of the fence. You are better off without him, and he'll get his eventually.

Answer 3

First of all, you still need to be reevaluating what you are looking for in a partner. As for the guy, it's a tough call. Maybe, when you see him you should hold your head up high, look him in the eye, smile and say hi. But nothing else. That way there is no tension.

I have to add this- If you guys were only talking "here and there" anyway, why does he have to call you after sex? If it's been more than a couple of days, ok you can be mad. But if it's only been a day or two, he's just following the pattern you all set up. Don't think the worse, just play it cool. Or you call him and just be like "Whatsup? How are you?" And take it from there.

Answer 4

Phew! Quite a question!
I would not mention it at all,I would just be happy and jovial and act as if nothing has happened.
Both of you played the same game and if he is judging you or making you 'not good enough' for him because you ' gave it out to easy' well he sounds like a jerk to me.
If he mentions it just say look I don't want to talk about it, I made a big mistake, not the way I normally act and feel very embarrassed about it.
Hold your head high and walk away with dignity.
I cannot believe these guys that have one rule for them and another for women.
Good luck you sound nice!

Answer 5

Being a single mom is hard, I am one too but one thing that I have made very clear is that I refuse to have sex with anyone til I know 100% that they are the one for me. You have to think about Your child and ur life first. I feel like u should leave sex out of the converstation for a while, get to know the person inside and out before u know anything about there sexual relations. See so men just love sex, at first they might like you but after they find out that u are a undercover freak (hahah)....they might change there mind on a realtionship and just be about sex.

Hold out on that talk, let them imagine, dream, wish if they really want u they will stick around without that sex...Trust me...my future baby daddy did this

Answer 6

In my opinion, I would be the one with more adult behavior. I'm a single mother for 12 years and have had this same situation happen. YES, you gave it up too soon, but SO DID HE!!! It's not "just a woman" thing. Call him up, explain to him that you feel the choice to be physically intimate that early was an error in judgment, and explain that although it's awkward for you both, you will eventually run into one another. Life's too short to be hiding from people we've had flings with. Chalk it up as an error in judgment, a "booty call", or whatever...forgive yourself and be the bigger person and forgive his dumb a $ * for giving you the cold shoulder after wards. This will set an example to him about how to be an adult because obviously he's still single for some reasons and this immaturity of his could just be the icing on your cake, saving you from a bigger mistake with him in the future!!

Answer 7

it depends on how long it's been... have you given him a chance to call back? (like, about 3 days?.. that might even be stretching it)

if so, then I wouldn't call him. you might come off as even more available than you already showed him. you don't necessarily have to ignore him, but rather pretend like nothing has happened. i would decide by seeing what route he takes. if he approaches you, don't be rude and ignore him, just be casual.

if you were to call him and say what you said, "its obvious you're not into me and i think i know why.." then what were you planning on saying next? "forgive me"? or "just so you know i don't care"?

because either way, they DO show that you care too much and thus make him even less interested.

that's a tough situation. maybe start playing hard-to-get if he really was a good catch (he might've thought the same about you, now you have to change sides if you're going to have any luck).

absolutely no offense meant, but maybe something during your sexual encounter freaked him out. like, maybe you did something out of the norm and he didn't like it...?
i don't know, just a thought.

but it probably wasn't that.

Answer 8

Hold you head up high, yes. But as for ignoring, not entirely. If you can bring yourself to, be sure to at least speak and try to act civil and "normal" but brief if you accidentally get within proximity to him. Otherwise, things will always be weird. You will be tense and uncomfortable and both your kids will notice. Kids don't miss a trick. Just move on, and try to think of it this way, for all he knows, maybe you weren't into him either after the sex episode and were kind of relieved that he never called back. (At least you can try to act that way.)

Answer 9

If I were you, I would just explain it to him the way you have here. I would greet him in a friendly tone, ask him how he's doing, and apologize for things moving too fast the last time you guys spoke. Ask him if he'd still like to be friends, and if he says yes, then keep things slow-paced. You never know... they might pick up again! And if he says no, then he will just confirm what you've suspected. At least this way, you'll know what's up, instead of ignoring him and wondering like you have been.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

We all make mistakes and it is not an easy job being a single mom. With all that in mind, I think you should hold your head up high and ignore him. He should hang his head down in shame treating you the way he has. In your evaluations is he what you really wanted anyway? Only you know the answer to that one. Good luck to you.

Answer 11

Calling him would defiantly be better but it might get awkward. You might want to talk to him at the school because that way there is only a number of things that he can say in front of the children. But stay confident and don't let your guard down.