Please don't judge, just answer honestly.?

Question

I'm done with my marriage. My wife won't agree to go to counseling or admit we have a problem, but there's no intimacy, no matter how much I try. I've tried for 5 years, and I'm giving up. I need to have someone in my life to love, but I don't want to lose my kids in the process. Does anyone know of a free place on the internet where I can meet other married people who are in the same boat that would like to have an affair? Chat rooms, websites, anything????

Answer 1

I can seriously sense your desperation for finding a way out of a dead end. I understand that you don't want to lose your kids and I guess you don't want to go through the mess of divorce, but what kind of an example are you setting for your children when you have an affair? I'm not judging you, I am being realistic. Your wife maybe self-centered and in all honestly may not deserve a kind hearted guy who is so dedicated to keeping his marriage alive but, how many blows are you willing to take before you come to your senses? Your decision for an affair is just going to make matters worse. I would say free yourself and get a divorce, but if you want to keep your marriage and your wife does not want counseling, it could be that she is not seeing a problem in the marriage.

You and your wife married each other for a reason, I'm sure in the beginning there was love. Find a way to rekindle that, do what you did years ago to get her to fall in love with you, get her back in the honeymoon stage. Fall in love with your wife again and get her to fall in love with you. Renew your vows, do something, don't just give up. If you really can't do it any more, do the morally right thing, you already know what that is.

Answer 2

So what makes you think that by having an affair you will feel better? What an example you will be for your children someday. Why would you want to drag along your wife and then have to play all the little games you have to play to have an affair. No one wins in the end. Think about your kids when you are tempted to venture out there. And be very careful with internet sites. There are many psychos out there who will turn on you in a minute and then what would you do if you had some crazy girl stalking you and it could lead to threats on you, your wife, your kids. You just never, ever know. Just be honest and tell your wife you are done.
If you have nothing to be worried about with your behavior and you provide for your kids, you should have no reason to be concerned about losing them. Be a real man about this and stand up for yourself and move on with your life. You deserve to have happiness too, just not on the sly or in a sneaky way. Believe me, you will not feel good about having to sneak around behind your spouse's back. And then there are the kids...
If nothing else, consider them.
Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all divorce doesn't make you lose your kids. You have rights and if the marriage is over a visitation can be granted by a judge that would be illegal for her to break. If she won't a agree to counseling , yet she won't listen t reason get out of the marriage. Cheating on your wife will only cause more problems and you could definitely lose your kids if she files for a divorce and tell the judge of your escapades and accuse you of being an unfit immoral figure in the children's lives. Love is not sex and cheating on your wife won't get you love. If you decide to cheat now the burden of a failed relationship is on you and not a mutual decision discussed between two adults.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about the trouble in your marriage. I understand you not wanting to lose your children, however, you deserve to be happy & cheating will not do that for you. You need to determine if your wife isn't willing to do anything about the issue then are you willing to leave for happiness. You will not lose your children you just won't be able to see them as much as you do now. Cheating will not give you the love you are looking for because you won't be able to fully commit to the new person in your life. Try talking to your wife again. Lay it all out on the table and let her know that if she is not willing to help you to work through this very important issue then you will leave. Don't make it sound like a threat but make sure that she understands how serious this is for you. While sex/intimacy is not the most important thing in a marriage it is a very important part and everyone deserves to have it.

I'm in the middle of a divorce right now. My ex-husband is the one that left and it has been hard on him not having the kids around all the time but you have to make the best of it and work extra hard to be there for them if you leave. Make sure that they understand that it's not them you are leaving and be sure to tell them ALL the time how much you love them. They will need the reassurance now more than ever.

Good luck!! If you ever need to talk feel free to email me ([e-mail]), I know it's now easy but don't make a bad situation even worse.

Patty

Answer 5

B4 u Can love anyone u have 2 luv yourself. You probably have lots of love 2 give ---but now is not the right time. Continue 2 luv ur kids-- in that fatherly way. Putting someone new in the middle of your hurt right now---no good. Seek advice from your pastor about this situation--or go 2 counseling by yourself. If it ends up in divorce--at least u tried a Lil' harder than she did. You don't want ur kids 2 think dad left mom 4 another woman. If that happens u will never find happiness ---no kid wants mommy 2 be hurt. And that's how they will look at it--mommy didn't do wrong--dad did---and they would never allow ur new love in their life at all---if u start this affair without leaving this situation and think it's going 2 be on the hush----wrong. What doesn't come out in the wash always come out in the rinse.---Meaning ur kids will find out

Answer 6

How about if you just go about it the right way? You don't have to lose your kids, the court will make sure you don't. Get your divorce, find someone new, enjoy your children. There are a lot of people in the same boat you are but you will feel better if your free and clear before you jump inot a new relationship. Call the friend of the court in your area and find out what options you have... you don't have to stay with someone you don't love anymore and you don't have to leave your children to have a happy healthy life. Good Luck

Answer 7

Not judging...but if you're looking for someone in your life to LOVE than you really should leave the marriage and then try the Yahoo Personals..that's where I met my husband!! To have an affair would only give you moments of pleasure and happiness where being divorced and maybe meeting the right person..would be a life time of love...

Answer 8

Is this really where you want to start?!? I'm in the same boat... have been for more than 5 years... I guess I have looked for the same thing in chat rooms and other places but now I'm beyond that. As one that has lived THRU your stage.... arrange to leave your wife and have joint custody of your kids. Learn to have a life.. a full life. Before, like me, your KIDS tell you to leave your spouse. THEY will be happier for it, and so will you be. Best of luck. (this was not a judgement... just an insight)

Answer 9

What is having an affair gonna resolve besides your hard d!ck. It's just gonna bring you two father apart and what does that teach your children if they ever find out what you did. Why don't you just get a divorce and don't stay t/g for the kids because they aren't gonna wanna be in the middle of a fight b/t you guys. That's just gonna make them feel that it's their fault. Refer to what Dr. Phil always says: Kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one.

Answer 10

My uncle is in the same position as you accept its very mentally abusive. However, there IS divorce. I understand that you wouldnt want to lose your kids, but if you are a fit parent, you wont. Being a fit parent, there is one thing that i dont understand about anyone who has children, dont you think this will hurt someone? your children for instance? your wife? you took vows. are those worth nothing to you? what would your children say to you in ten years? Cheating is ugly and i think in todays world it is becoming more and more acceptible. but this world isnt jerry springer yet, and im sure if your wife found out about it, you'd have your divorce and shell have so much evidence against you in court and furthermore, anger, that youll lose your kids and further more, their respect.