Adopted Children?

Question

What kinds of problems or issuse may arise with adopted children that would not occur with ones birth children? Any different issues with children with disabilities?

Answer 1

It really depends on the type of adoption and also the history of the child.

An international adoption has different issues than in infant that was cared for during the pregnancy, and a child who was abused has different issues. You really need to research the specific type of adoption that you are considering.

Before I continue I must point out that people raise their own children who may also have these behaviors. However, this is really extreme for us and much of these things stem from the abuse they suffered.

My husband and I adopted a sibling group of 4 from foster care. They were badly abused. My daughter, removed from the abusive situation at age 1, has the least amount of problems. She is relatively normal.

The boys are a different story. They have been diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and OCD (obsessive conpulsive disorder).

They have attacked us to the point that we must restrain them and at times call the police. They hit us and call us names. They tell us that they hate us; and I believe that they really do. They hit each other. They break things. They ruin things. They hoard food. They are mean.

They chant and stomp for hours when told no. They throw things. They insult us. They steal. They are mean to our pets. They run away. They get suspended from school. They scream at us. They cuss.

We go to counseling 3-5 days a week. It is helping, but it is still a huge challenge daily.

What we have been told is that we got the exception. We were told it is possible, but of course no one thinks it will happen to them. They say that the majority of kids will go through these behaviors, but most resolve them within a year. It has been 6.

PLEASE read Adopting the Hurt Child and Parenting the Hurt Child by Dr. Keck. It addresses all of these issues and can give you valuable insight before you plunge into this life changing event.

Answer 2

Parenting under any circumstances is more difficult, and more wonderful, than you can ever imagine until you do it. There are so many different adoption scenarios that it's hard to come up with all ther possible issues. As others have pointed out, there are obviously some concerns with genetics. An adopted child may or may not resemble you, and that may or may not be an issue to you. Families are based in love, so as long as you feel that, and teach that to your child, looking different and coming from a different womb doesn't have to be a negative. The larger part of genetics isn't visible, and that can be a concern, although not particularly a drawback. With children that are genetically related to you, you will know whether or not there is a family history of cancer, kidney disease, depression, etc., and you will likely not get as much information on the genetic legacy of an adopted child. That's not necessarily a bad thing - I have known families where both parents were tone deaf and they adopted a child with an incredible musical ability, or parents with no athletic abilities who adopted a natural born gymnast.
How your parents and your extended family feel about an adopted child can also be an issue. Some grandparents can't manage to feel the same love for a child that doesn't share their genes. Most adults are able - once they hold the child in their arms -to get past that, but some can't. You would need to know in your heart whether or not that would be a problem to you if your parents couldn't love your adopted child as they would a child you gave birth to.
As others have noted, you have no control over the early life of an adopted child. Attachment disorders are not uncommon in children who spent substantial time in orphanages, where their physical needs were taken care of but where no one just sat and held them and marvelled at them and adored them, as most of us are lucky enough to have experienced. Also, you have no control over the birth mother's lifestyle during her pregnancy, and what the baby may have been exposed to prenatally.
Having said all that, though, I would really point out that there are no guarantees even when you give birth to a child. I have known a couple of families that rejected adoption because of the uncertainties, spent large sums of money to conceive a child, and ended up giving birth to a child who had disabilities.
Life is an adventure, and a gamble, and parenting - no matter how you arrange it - is a part of that risky existence. No matter what option we exercise to become parents, there will be surprises.

Answer 3

Kids who are adopted will need a lot of attention and extra care with bonding. Especially if the child is older then 6 months or has been abused, you will want to plan to be at home with them to help that bond. You will probably also want to see a counselor to help you in forming a strong bond.

But really, a child who is not given proper attention, boundaries and love is going to end up the same weather they are adopted or not. Just be sure that you never make the child feel different because they are adopted. And pay special attention to the child if you have children that are genetically your own, as the adopted child May feel like they are in 2nd place.

Answer 4

No problems in my case. Adopted my Daughter when she was 8, had been a figure in her life since she was 4 1/2. Saw her go to kindergarden, saw her graduate from high school. Only one time did she say "you're not my real Dad". But, her actions always showed otherwise. They do have some definite mindsets even at the age of 4 or 5, but nothing different than the 3 100% biological children my Wife and I have. They just buck authority and test you by nature. It's nothing bred in, it's born in. :0)

Answer 5

Depends on the type of child you wish to adopt. If you are adopting a newborn your biggest worry is drug exposure and alcohol exposure.

Older kids - It can be a little of anything. What age do you plan to adopt.

And if the social worker tells you the kid has no problems it is a big fat lie.

Answer 6

If you go for a foreign adoption sometimes the kids have attachment issues. If they have been in an orphanage for a long time they may not be able to bond with you.

Answer 7

Nope none at all if your raising them you just tell them their adopted when they get old enough & explain to them that they are loved.No I have a disabled child & I have no Issues

Answer 8

Genetics, you'll have some one elses genetics you may not know what runs in the family and such, and I have noticed that children take on some of the traits of their parents... I have just noticed that in my little bro whos' dad is an ***!

Answer 9

well, i was adopted, and my parents are white, and i am latino and black so people would look at us funny, and when i was little i would get frustrated that i didnt look like them...but i got used to it. so i guess that is one promblem that may come with adopting a child.

Answer 10

It usually take time for kids that don't know you to get use to you. they have to grow trust and the ones with disabilities act out but it's not there fault. just give it time it will work out.