A question for sane single mothers only! My husband has a 13 yr. old ...?

Question

My husband is a very supportive father to his child's mother. Sometimes I think he tries to over compensate (monetarily) just to make sure his son it well cared for. He sees him every other day, attends all of his football games, helps him with homework, hangs out, gives him allowance, and the whole nine. The way I see it you couldn't want more if you were the child's mother. However, his son's mother is always asking him to do more. Although he pays child support FAITHFULLY, if his son's mother asks if he can buy more during the month he feels he needs to. She is always asking if he can contribute more financially... buy him clothes, shoes, pay for this football uniform, etc. On top of that my husband gives her 500 a month for child support. Which I think she just uses to pay her car note. I would like to hear from a GOOD/RESPONSIBLE single mother. Tell me how much money it really takes OUTSIDE of child support to take care of a 13 yr old boy? If she puts in HER OWN $500 that's 1k mo.

So some of you all are saying that 1000 dollars (500 from him and 500 from her) is not enough per month for a 13 yr old's total expensenes? Keep in mind his son wears a uniform to school, his dad gives him money for lunch, he gets an allowance ($50) when his dad gets paid, and the list goes on. I don't want to come off like I don't know kids cost money. I do NOT want him to go without what he needs to have in order to have a comfortable childhood. That's why I'm asking before I make a big stink. It appears like his mother is taking avantage of my husbands love for and committment to their child. Maybe I'mAnd if so..... it must end. I'm was justing trying to see if i was the only one that thinks she is geedy. And to the mother that thinks I'm too into my husband and his son's mother business, guess what? We're a FAMILY and we have the SAME business. You must be one of those mooching mothers. You drive a Benz with his money don't you :)

Answer 1

It takes well over a thousand a month to care for one child. I think your husband needs to discuss her finances with her. If she can't care for him, maybe your husband needs to take him. Realize that care includes a roof, electricity, clothing, food, transportation, school supplies, recreation, personal items, etc. There's a lot in caring for a child.

Answer 2

I know that it's herd to swallow but 500 a month really is not enough to raise a teenager. As a single parent of two I can tell you in all confidence that that would almost cover clothes, groceries and school for just one if you were looking really hard for the best deals. Sure she uses the on-hand cash for the bills at hand but safe and reliable transportation is one of those expenses. The poor house is not the place for your children to live, even if you don't have custody of them like I did.
Just to let you know that I'm not just some nut. I tried to get more than the 35 bucks a month for the both of them and she got out of paying anything at all by claiming a military disability. So I was left with nothing at all while she, to this day, doesn't even pay taxes.
So please just be thankful that you're hooked up with a generous, loving and, responsible person.

Answer 3

I am not a single mother, but I do have two children that are not my husbands that I receive child support for. I can honestly tell you that child support does not even begin to cover the expenses for a child. You have to consider food for the child every day, three times a day, and a thirteen year old boy can eat. School fees and books, clothes, shoes, extra curricular activities, hair cuts, money to go out with friends, dentist bills, doctor bills, school pictures, the list goes on and on. Your husband sounds like a very good father, you should be proud of him and encourage him to continue to take an active role in his son's life. That does not mean let the ex take advantage, she needs to be paying her own fair share. Maybe they could split any extra bills in half. And I can honestly tell you that my children's support has never gone to pay my bills. But you do need to remember that the boy is living at home and using electric, water, etc.

Answer 4

Wow. Sounds like someone is being taken advantage of. I have a daughter but $500 per month is way more child support than I ever got and my daughter had everything she needed and most of what she wanted. The $500 per month, was that court ordered or did he just agree to that amount? If he went through the courts, they generally come up with a figure that seems fair based on both parties incomes. Seems to me $500 is more than fair. I can see some extra financial help with things like getting braces etc, but you husband is definitely going above and beyond. Could it be that he is doing so because he feels guilty about something? At any rate, she knows how willing he is to help and has no problems asking for more, which to me would be hard to do. I guess I have this little thing called pride that she obviously does not have. Does your husband know how you feel? How does he explain his actions to you? Instead of giving all the extra money, would your husband be open to the idea of the extra money going into a college fund for the boy? That way he could put his sons name on the account and have himself as the custodian of the account so she would not be able to access the money (unless the laws allow in your state). Long and short of it, unless your husband knows how you feel and understands your view point, he is unlikely to change this behavior at this point. If your income was included in determining how much child support was to be paid, you could use that as leverage when you approach him with the subject. This is a tough one. Good luck.

Answer 5

That is a really tough question. I think that the amount varies. Remember, the money for child support also goes toward the house note, utilities, food, medical care, etc. in addition to clothing, shoes, school expenses, and activity fees. I think it takes a lot to raise a child, and all extra expenses put a strain on a single parent. I am a responsible person and a wage earner who sometimes has expenses related to my son that are beyond my budget. If his dad can help sometimes, that is great. We really have tried to be honest and both give what we can.

Answer 6

i know you said single mothers only but although i do not have children of my own i do know it takes alot to raise them monatarily well over 500 a month especially at this age when you have all the extracurricular activities its alot. i guess it just depends on what extra shes asking him to buy/do but if you sit down and put some figures down on paper it would probably make sense to you, you might actually be surprised 500 is not nearly enough for a single mother/child you should have done your homework b4 marrying a guy with a 13 year old because if you get to into the middle of this your marriage is over and remember that boy was there b4 you you have to accept that and move on to a greater cause

Answer 7

I know your looking for mothers but as a son I've calculated what my single mother paid to raise me upto age 18 and it was roughly $345,130- total- costs including food, clothing, shelter, sports, medical and trips/vacations so really 1k a month seems about right to raise a child depending on the home life style he and the mother live and what part of the country they are in I'm in the northeast an we had a ranch style house with 2 acres and I'm also disabled from birth so medical was abit higher then maybe it would be for the child your refering to

Answer 8

I think that he pays her child support. If he wants to do more for the child, then he should give it to or spend it on the child. IE uniform send a check to the school. u know shes paying her car note. Which in a way is support for the child i guess. she knows how to work him huh. I get $15 a week its what the judge said and I've never seen not one cent. so he has the same birthday as our child and never ever has sent her a birthday card. when he calls she knows that she doesn't want to see him. I am so stupid to even give her a choice.

Answer 9

One thing you have to understand is that they don't evaluate child support by only what the child uses/needs for one month. What they look at is the fact that the child should be able to live the same as they did when their parents were married. For example, the house they live in, the clothes they wear, the food they eat, the hot showers they bathe in and the the activites they do etc. So therefore child support helps pay for rent/mortage, electricity, water, food, clothes, etc. Hope this helps!

Answer 10

OK, most women use the child support for other things when it is suppose to be for the child. My friend would take some of her child support and buy things for her boyfriend and his child. It is wrong but true. Some women ask and want more on purpose to make the wife or girlfriend miserable especially, if there ex has another child by that person. $500.00 a month is PLENTY to take care of a 13 year old. Your husband does not need to do anymore and is not obligated to do anything but pay the child support and spend time and support his son. Yes women can be really cruel and dirty. Is she remarried also? It is NOT your husbands sole responsibilty, she needs to contribute to what her son needs also. They had this child together, and she should contribute and not be so money hungry. I hate women like that.

P.S. I can see there are alot of gold digging women on this board. I have heard to many women (at work in the breakroom) talking and trying to RUIN there ex husbands life with another women. They ask for money (after receiving child support) calling all hours of the night (claiming child is sick) . It is just wrong!

Answer 11

The expenses of raising a child:
Rent 1/3 of household total
heat 1/2 of household total
electricity 1/2 of household total
water 1/2 of household total
phone 1/3 of household total
medical expenses as charged
dental as charged
clothes as incurred
food 3/4 of household total (for a 13 yr old boy at least)
toys as incurred
sports as incurred
school supplies as incurred


Surveys have totalled up the cost of raising a child to adulthood at $250,000.
Your husband sounds like a dedicated responsible father, it is heart warming to hear about such a man in this era. My advice to you is relax and deal with it. You certainly don't want to drive that fine a man away. I know I found one whom I Love very deeply and is providing for my children for a previous marriage to a deadbeat A$SHOLE.