Spousal relationship after kids?!?

Question

This is really a question more for parents who have older kids, not babies... but all comments are appreciated!
I was wondering if your relationship with your spouse/sig. other has strengthened or sort of diminished after having kids? Some say that their relationship was strengthened by a baby, others not so much?
Any thoughts?

Answer 1

My husband and I have to be creative to be together because the kids want to see him as much as I do (he works 12 hour shifts) and as a result we do have a strong relationship.

Answer 2

As the kids get older, you'll have more time alone. Teenagers would much rather be out with friends than hanging out with mom and dad. Hopefully, you'll be able to get along again when it's just the two of you. My husband and I enjoy being with each other.That took alot of work. Mostly, communication. If you communicate, you both should make it. Although I miss my kids when they're not home, It's fun doing what we want, when we want. It's been a long time since that's happened. But, enjoy them while they are young. It's such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. I wouldn't trade raising them for anything or anyone in the world. They are my greatest joy and my greatest accomplishment.

Answer 3

My husband and I had a wonderful boy, and while our relationship was not strengthened by this outright, our love for him had a really good impact on our own relationship. We both worked hard at raising our child, and we have been rewarded so much! We are now heading into retirement with a much better relationship - we respect each other more, and our child loves us - and furthermore, we all play in a band now, relate well, and it is all getting better and better.

I think it is the amount of time, attention, and love that both of you are willing to put into the child that makes the difference.

Answer 4

I think kids are hard on a relationship.

You know you're compatible about all the big stuff, and then you realize that there are all these LITTLE things about the way your spouse parents or how they prioritize things differently than you that drive you absolutely bonkers.

And it's so easy to let that stuff build up and to get angry and resentful.

But if you're mindful of your feelings and your own behavior, and you really make a comittment to talking things through, or even FIGHTING, instead of just sitting back and being angry, you may actually find yourself growing closer to your spouse.

Answer 5

I think it diminishes a relationship. It did mine. Most friends of mine agree in private, although publically they say " oh, me and such and such are just great and happily married", etc. People say it gets better as the children get older but it hasn't been that way in my case. As they get older, you have more after school activities, etc. I'm hoping it'll get better after they go to college but I'm not holding my breath. Of course, I've been married for many, many years so maybe for me the marriage would have died down a bit even without kids. But kids add such a huge stress on your life, I really think it's related.

Answer 6

Speaking from experience, having children makes the relationship weak because before I started having children with my husband everything was going great because we spent alot of time together, have sex alot etc.

Now I have 3 children and a new baby on the way in 3 month's, things has got so bad. He ignores me, he sleeps on the counch, we do not have sex at all, we argue about stupid things it's a big mess.

Answer 7

When your kids are young, they require a lot of time, energy--and it is easy for the marriage to suffer by taking a back seat. I recommend taking a day a week, when you do something for your marriage, the two of you, to feel special together, because babies are draining. Its hard to see light at athe end of the tunnel. Having children is a joy, but the hardest job you will ever do well.

Answer 8

It made it stronger because we both had something very much in common, our children. I just look at our children and I see both of us in them. A real symbol of our love. Not to mention we both feel the same way about our children. We love them and want the best for them, so that is a common goal in both of our lives.

I know sometimes it can cause problems. Children/teenagers can get annoying, cause stress! Really, anything can do that though. If it wasn't your children it would be something else.

Answer 9

If you take time out for each other, it can strenghten a relationship. If not, you can grow apart.

My wife and I just started having regular dates again, without the kids. It's a small thing, but it's good.

Answer 10

usually it weakenns after kids but its possible for vice versa to happen it depends with how your relationship has always been then you can tell wether it has deteriorated or improved.