call off engagement?

Question

i met my fiance over a year ago through some friends of mine. we flirted back and forth for LONG time before we got together. i worked so hard to be with him, and since i was just kind of dropped in his lap, i feel like he doesn't really appreciate me. he keeps pushing our wedding farther and farther away. he says its because of money and the weddings going to cost so much. but i told him the other night we should just elope bc that would be so much easier, and he said no. he hasn't even taken a real interest in the wedding. ive been the one planning everything out, and we haven't set anything in stone or spent any money on it yet, so i dont see what the loss is. then, he was asked to perform a wedding for some of our friends. he wrote out their vows and everything and has done so much to help them out, but he doesn't want to do anything for our wedding. he acts like its not happening i feel like he doesnt want to marry me. when i ask him, he says that he does.im not sure i believe him

Answer 1

First don't brush him off too fast. Tell him that you believe him at his word but tell him what you see and give him a chance to respond. Tell him since it's not that he doesn't want to marry you, then what is it? You'd like to understand him better and not jump to conclusions. If something bothering him, you want to know. The I'd tell him how much you love him and that marrying him is really exciting and it's a happy thing you want to share with him. See what he says.

Answer 2

You haven't mentioned anything else about problems in the relationship. Are there any, besides him not getting involved with wedding planning? That alone is not good enough a reason to end it. Very few men are involved in wedding planning!

If money is an issue, maybe he has unrealistic expectations about what normal weddings cost (not celebrity-style extravaganas). They can sometimes cost very little, depending on what you plan. Maybe clueing him in to the fact that you'd be happy with a $1000 wedding rather than a $100,000 one would warm him up to the idea.

I suggest that you mention to him that you would like him to help with select a wedding date before the coming holiday season, so you ahve something happy to write in your holiday cards, or something like that. That will give him time to think and hopefully get more on the ball.

If you and he haven't set a date and it's after that point, THEN you need to start to worry more about what's going on.

Answer 3

There are actually not any sparkling solutions to this question. in case your ex sells the living house in the previous he's lived in it for 2 years, he will ought to pay capitol features taxes. If all have been straightforward, he'd reimburse you the whole $50K, yet because of the fact which you have lived in the living house for notably much a twelve months, he needs to reimburse you for all expenditures different than loan money (evaluate those money lease), and circulate into the living house for 2 years (it must be his time-honored place of living for 2 years in the previous he can sell it with out capitol features taxes). He might ought to tackle a room mate or 2 to have the skill to make the money, however the home is his. He might sue you yet i do no longer think of he'd have the skill to win any suit. whilst it comes right down to it, he could have found out back in November that he became into procuring a house for better or worse. An engagement isn't a legally binding settlement at present. next time, wait till you easily get married in the previous procuring the living house.

Answer 4

I get the feeling that this one of those men who wants the milk without buying the vow.His lack of intrest in your wedding and intrest in someone elses clearly shhows that he doesn't want to marry you.Your gut instinct is right,you don't want to be looking back 5 years from now with your 3 rd kid on the way and no wedding photos.My feelings are that he will continue untill he gets what he wants milk but no ownership on the cow.Leave before you become to invested but that's what i'd do and just check the curent divorce rate and that will really open your eyes.

Answer 5

Well... I'm no expert in those things but may be, he's just getting cold feet when he feels that it's getting close to the wedding. May be he needs a bit more time. Why not waiting for another year. If he really wants you what harm would it do. And if he isn't that much into you... at least it will spare you a divorce.

Answer 6

maybe he has his own views of what should happen and how it should progress and when. Marraige doesn't benefit anyone but women so just chill the F out and stop trying to control the universe. If you love him and he is worth it you can wait. If not then you aren't losing anything at all. Tell him that you want him to handle everything and see what he does. Leave it up to him. Also, you can not compare him helping with a friend's wedding to planning yours. Not even the same. You are in such a hurry that you might be ruining something good. Chill the F out.

Answer 7

I think you should follow your heart. It sounds like your in two different places as far as your opinions for this wedding. Dont call off the engagement unless you feel you cant make it work with him. In which case you should just ask for some time apart to see how you two are without one another. or you could just get some counseling.Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Sit down and tell him you want to go to premarital counseling before you wed. Tell him is a must for you. All will come out before you wed. If he doesn't want to marry you then it will come out. It sounds like you have low self-esteem and can't imagine someone especially this guy wanting to marry you - get over it. He wouldn't have asked if he didn't love you. If you're that paranoid then you should call off the wedding.

Answer 9

I really hate to say it but usually our gut instinct is correct. In that situation I'd give back the ring (if one has been given) and move on because I know a man who wanted to be more actively involved in all that I do would come along. It's a lot harder to get out of a marriage than to get into one.

Answer 10

How about having an adult conversation with him, telling him exactly how you feel and how he is protraying himself to you?

You're going to have to find out one way or another why he's indifferent to the notion of marriage. Is he scared of commitment? Find out.

Needless to say, be honest with yourself as well as him. Do you really want to put up with this 5, 10, 15 years from now? It's not going to change because of marriage. Listen to your heart, but also listen to your gut. If your gut is telling you NO! then you really need to rethink this.