I am 34 years old, I was raised by my mother and father in a normal family. I also have a brother who is 33 and I just realized today that my mother or father neither one has ever told us that they loves us.I know they do but they have never said it.What brought it to my attention is that they tell my 10 year old daughter they love her all the time--only because she says it first. I've said it before and they looked at me like i fell off Mars or something. I get kind of jeaolous when I hear my friends parents telling them they love them in public, on the phone, where ever, am I wrong for feeling like this??
2006-09-06 11:58:48 · 13 answers · asked by La La 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The word LOVE is not spoken their house at all unless of course when my daughter says it first and you can tell it takes everything in them to say it back to her, but they will.
2006-09-06 12:11:26 · update #1
Hahahahaha this makes me chuckle..its like reading my life story!! When I was younger my older brother arrived home absolutely pi$$ed to the displeasure of my parents and all he kept saying was "all I ever wanted to hear were those three little words" and my mum shouted "Go to bed!!!" priceless!! I do know exactly what your talking about though, my mum and dad tell my nieces they love them all the time but at 24, im the youngest of a family of 5 and they have never said it to any of us. I know they do but I just think they werent brought up to show their affections as openly as we were. They probably feel foolish saying it to you now your older, but its easy to say it to a child as although they are probably still uncomfortable saying it, there is no fear of being ridiculed. Of course you're not wrong for feeling like this but every time you do, just remember that actions speak louder than words. You admitted you are sure your parents do love you so they must be doing something to show you that they do.
2006-09-06 12:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by cookiemunstr21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother was always the same way. We knew she loved us, because of her actions, but she never said it. Dad did, but she did not. Nor did I ever notice it, because she conveyed it so well through her actions, until I moved away from home, and would not get a mutual reply at the end of the conversation.
However, the more I did it, she finally began to say it back, but I could tell it was forced, and very uncomfortable for her. Sometimes I'd let her off the hook, by saying something right after it, but many times I would not. And it wasn't until the last several years of her natural life, that she seemed to be much more comfortable with saying back, as if it were no longer a strain for her to say it.
Isn't strange we live in a society, where it's far easier to say I hate you, than to say I love you? Don't give up on them. They probably want to say it, but they just don't know how, since it isn't a part of their natural conversation. But know that they love you just the same.
2006-09-06 19:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents are like this, they never say it and I use to think they hated having kids when I was a child, but now as an adult I realise they do love me and my sisters and always did. They showed me in thier own way with little things they did or said. It's possible that your parents never had this as a child either so it is something alien to them, it does not mean they don't love you. If it bothers you so much and you really need to hear it then I would sit down and talk to your parents and ask them what their childhood was like and tell them how it made you feel to never hear it.
Now I am a mother I can freely say this to my partner and child, my neices and nephew etc with no problem at all, but it I always feel really stupid if I try to say it to my parents, I can't seem to get the words out where it concerns them, even tho I love them both dearly. Instead I write it on cards at birthdays, xmas, mothers day, fathers day etc. I hope this helps.
2006-09-06 19:08:19 · answer #3 · answered by having_a_blonde_day_lol 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not so much wrong in feeling this, but are you setting youself up to let yourself be traumatized by this at your age?
The "fault," if there needs to be one, certainly isn't yours. Even YOU state that you "know they do" love you, so where is the current problem?
Perhaps you worry that, someday, your daughter will come to some realization that her grandparents might not have loved her because they only said it if she said it first. I can suggest that you need not worry about it, and be thankfull that they are not simply afraid to use the word. If it takes a child's prompting, then you can do a great deal of good by promoting her promptings as often as you can.
That way, your parents can keep saying it as your daughter grows older.
Jealous? If you must, okay, but keep these feeling to yourself, especially among family. Nothing will be served if your feelings reach your parents or your daughter at this point.
Love is ephemeral enough as it is. Don't wave your arms around, dissapating it. Strengthen it whenever you can.
2006-09-06 19:14:33 · answer #4 · answered by Vince M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I havent personally experienced it but I have seen it with my Aunt and cousins. My aunt and her exhusband (my cousins father) are not very affectionate people and I noticed growing up that my aunt was never very verbally loving. She is a loving and caring person but never said it much. She doesnt hug much either, its not that she is a bad person. From what I understand her parents werent very loving and she just never really knew how to show it. Try talking to your parents or asking about grandparents and find out if they were affectionate.
2006-09-06 19:05:56 · answer #5 · answered by cjones 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your not wrong to feel this way. Why don't you sit down and talk to them about it? Ask them why they don't say I love you. Do they ever say it to each other?
2006-09-06 19:07:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
it was that way for my mom with her parents. grandmother finally said i love you to my mom at age 50 give it time, and realize not everyone is outspoken about their emotions
2006-09-06 19:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by rwl_is_taken 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YUP
I KNOW THEY LOVE ME
BUT THEY DONT SAY IT
THEY SHOW IT IN OTHER WAYS THOUGH
BUT NOW, IF THEY WERE TO TELL ME, I MIGHT FEEL WEIRD
I GUESS IM NOT USE TO IT
HOPEFULLY I WILL TEACH MY CHILDREN HOW TO SAY IT
2006-09-06 19:04:42 · answer #8 · answered by axon3_2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you arent wrong for feeling that way, and if you really want to fix it you should sit down and talk to your parents about it.
2006-09-06 19:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by frosty 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
make sure u tell them u love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my moms dad died in october, and he didnt ever tell her he loved her, she even told him the day he died she loved him and he didnt say it back, she was sooo upset.
2006-09-06 19:07:17 · answer #10 · answered by i rawkkk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋