My mother complains she never gets to see her grandchildren. I have two daughters, three years old and ten months. My husband works 6 days a week and takes our only vehicle to and from work. So, the reason my mom doesn't see her grandchildren is my lack of a vehicle. I invivted her over on monday, I told her she could see the girls and have dinner. She said no. Then I asked her on the phone today if she wanted to take my oldest for the weekend. She told me she didn't know, would call me later. But she will then turn around and complain she never sees them. I think she should take some intitive on her part and make an effort to see them. My dad doesn't work all day like my husband so she has a vehicle a good portion of the day. I want to just flip out and tell her to get off her butt and come over and see them. The sad thing is my three year old keeps asking for her grandma. She wants to visit her. So, a few weeks ago I told her I would come over on a sunday she told me no. HELP!
2006-09-06 10:57:54 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
should I just give up and let her complain, it's her fault she doesn't see them. I am never allowed over on the days I have a vehicle, which is Sunday. She says things like, your dad is tired or the race is on. I am getting to the end of my rope.
2006-09-06 10:59:10 · update #1
Your mother sounds like she has her own priorities, complaining and guilt may be two of them. If she wanted to see her grandchildren then she would make the time. The last time I checked Sunday's were a time to see family. You may want to reflect on how you were raised and see if you can identify a pattern with your Mother. You have done what you can so let it go if you are able.
2006-09-06 11:07:51 · answer #1 · answered by amglo1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me that your mother wants you to do all the work. She wants to see them but doesn't want to put any effort in it. She knows your situation with the vehicle and she still complains. How does she feel about your husband? It almost sounds to me that she is trying to make you feel guilty about not letting her see her grand kids, but what she is really saying is that your husband isn't doing a good enough job. He isn't working hard enough to get you a vehicle so that you can run over to your mothers every time she wants you there. Ask her what her problem is, and then tell her that your husband and you are doing the best you can, tell her that you are open to reasonable suggestions on how to give her more time with her grand kids. The only reasonable answer to me is that she may have to put more effort into spending time with her grand kids or stop complaining about it.
2006-09-06 18:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everything everyone else has said so far. I just have one thing to add: your mother seems to have some block about seeing the children, because she has turned down many many convenient opportunities to see them. It could be many things: maybe it was very hard for her to be a mom when her kids were as young and demanding as yours are, and she feels guilty about it. Maybe it would make her feel old to see her grandchildren. It could be a million things. But by turning the problem around in such an annoying and irrational way, she tries to make it your problem, which is, of course, ridiculous.
So try to think of her as having a very sad problem, because she's obviously missing out on a lot of pleasure. If you want to (you have no obligation to do this) you could tell her that you're very puzzled as to why she has chosen not to spend time with your children. Reassure her that when she is ready to see the kids, you'll be happy to accommodate her (on your terms of course). Make it very clear that you see this as her problem, not yours. This may reduce your understandable anger at her. If she continues to harass you, just remind her of the open invitation that you have always extended to her, and then decline to discuss this topic again until she can be more insightful and/or cooperative. She is your mom, and you love her, so you need to always leave the door open to having a nice relationship between you and her, and between her and your kids.
2006-09-06 18:15:33 · answer #3 · answered by Marcella S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dad is the same way. He wants to see his grandchildren when it is convenient for him. He gets mad when we don't call or come by. We live about 30 minutes away. Not once has he picked up the phone to say hi or called to say he is coming over. He says it is easier for us (3 children-9, 3, and 5 months, husband and me) to see him at his house. With a girlfriend that we can not stand. Some people just live in their own little worlds. If your mother really wanted to see her grandchildren, she would come to you. I am blessed the my mother sees my children regularly. She will keep them for a few days at at time. She lives for them. My mother in law is the same way.
2006-09-06 18:20:34 · answer #4 · answered by toricp3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok stop it. You have enough going on in your life to worry about this. Two kids and a husband that works six days a week not to mention you only have a car one day a week. Tell her she is welcome to come and visit her grandchildren any day she wishes and leave it at that. don't get mad and don't say hurtful things. but stop making it easy for her to complain and then say No when it is convenient for you. the bottom line is that you are the one with the fulltime job of "parent" and she is retired or at least has her freedom to come and go as she pleases. Just keep telling her to come over when she is free and would like to visit. don't kill yourself anymore trying to make things work for her.
2006-09-06 18:02:10 · answer #5 · answered by raynafurman 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like your mom is one complaining b-i-t-c-h!
stop worrying about it. you are putting way too much effort into this. being a grandparent is a privilage not a right. you have your family to take care of. if she wants to be a part of it, then she needs to work at it. your mother is not your responsibility. let your 3 year old talk to grandma over the phone. maybe then grandma will have to explain to her wonderful granddaughter why grandma doesn't want to make an effort to see them!
2006-09-06 18:29:54 · answer #6 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time she complains you should tell her something like "well you have a vehicle too. You know my husband works 6 days a week so how am I supposed to come visit you? You are welcome to see the children whenever you want. You are always welcome in our home." It is not your responsibility to take them to her all the time. Honestly if she's not making an effort I doubt it is bothering her as badly as she proclaims.
2006-09-06 18:03:23 · answer #7 · answered by mommysrock 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't u love parents! So u called her bluff & said that she can see them. Well I'm sorry but it seems she may be playing a passave aggressave game at u. My mom kicked me out of the house once & I have never been back for I did call her bluff. Try to talk reasonably with her she will most likly listen. That is what u need to do if she is a p.a. good luck. TJforever
2006-09-06 18:10:00 · answer #8 · answered by TJforever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done all you could do. If you go out of your way to get the kids to grandmas she will complain that you are always dumping the kids off on them. Just go about your life and when they see grandma and grandpa let it be on their terms and just accept that they will have something else to complain about.
2006-09-06 18:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by tman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, just tell her the road runs both ways. Every time she brings up not seeing them, tell her to come by when she wants to. Say the same thing every time and she will quit. Quit giving her an opportunity to make you feel guilty. You have enough on you as it is.
2006-09-06 18:06:26 · answer #10 · answered by benjis.girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋