Whenever i try to do my own thing she conveniently gets sick. I know its not real but I'm scared the minute i dont take her seriously it will be the real thing. How do I make her realize I'm not a child anymore?
2006-09-06 10:24:56 · 15 answers · asked by La La 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No i dont live with her, but i do live in the same city.
2006-09-06 10:40:47 · update #1
Hi,
You have to set bounderies for your life..First, realize that God wants us to respect and love and forgive our Parents. They arent perfect--they are only Human Beings. Your mom is controlling and yes that must very hard for you--but please realize that she probably had a hard life--thats why she is controlling. So, please work on Forgiving Her. Just think about all the times when she was really there for you in life.
Now--you're 34, so its time that you Live Your Own Life. I think the times when a Mom Should step in on her grown daughter's life is if the Daughter is:
-On drugs
-Hangs around drug addicts
-Is in an abusive relationship
-Starts dating or is married to a man who is NO GOOD (cheating, lying, doesnt work, etc)
-Isnt living up to her potential in life (smokes weed & doesnt work or go back to school)
OR--if the Daughter is an irrespnsible parent to her kids.
You say you are trying to do your "own thing"--what does that mean? Well, if you want to live a good, clean life where you arent hurting yourself or anybody else--then thats your right as a human being...Do you live in her house? If so, thats part of your problem.
If you arent doint any of the above--then your Mom shouldnt be controlling...If so, then you have to SET BOUNDERIES. Calmly have a talk with her and Tell her that you love her, but you are going to live your life.
You say she gets sick. If you really think she is faking it--then you should do this: go with her to the doctor & see what the doctor says. If she is fine, then go on with what you are doing in life. OR, you should get an aunt or uncle to check in on her and make sure she is really ok.
Dont argue with your Mom, but just live your life. IF she tries to butt in and give her opinion--just sit there quietly, dont argue--and keep on doing what you wnat to do. Thats how you stop people from controlling you--KEEP ON DOING WHAT YOU WANT.
Hope this helps.
Peace
2006-09-06 10:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by Plus-Sized &Proud 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call your mother at the beginning of the month and tell her that you've been looking at your calendar and it is very busy this month. Tell her you are afraid if you don't plan something with her now, you won't see her at all this month. Then make two dates with her during the month to take her to a movie, help her with her grocery shopping, take her to a doctor's appointement, whatever. Just make the dates, write them down and make sure your mom writes them down. Then tell her before you hang up how glad you are that you two made these dates 'cause you are gonna be so busy there is no way you'd have seen her this month if you had not planned it in advance.
Then get caller ID on your home phone and on your cell phone (if you don't already have these). When your mother calls, let it go to voicemail. No matter how "sick" she sounds on the message and no matter how many messages she leaves, do not call her back until you are done with your date or whatever it is you are doing when you do your own thing. When you call her back, let her know that you had your phone off on purpose because you wanted to enjoy whatever it is you were doing and you did not want to be disturbed.
Do not call your mother at all during the month accept two days before your "dates" with her to confirm.
Do this for three months straight. Be strict about it. Your mom will realize that no matter how much she calls you you are not going to answer if you are out there doing your own thing. At the same time, when you make special dates to see her twice a month you are letting her know that she is an important part of your life and you want to remain connected to her.
Good luck.
2006-09-06 17:37:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She wants attention from you. She doesn't realize that she needs to move on and let you go. If you still live at home or close, move away farther or out of the house. And get a cell phone and tell her to use it to contact you if she has real emergencies. You might have to be a little rough on her, but just enough to make her realize that you are your own person. She basically wants to feel needed, and thinks that if you can handle everything on your own, she will be useless to the world.
2006-09-06 17:36:19 · answer #3 · answered by Chris S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call her bluff. She knows how push your buttons and what's your weak spot. Take off for a few days and CUT OFF your cell phone, enjoy yourself, and stop thinking about her needs for a moment. Mom needs to cut the umbilical cord. You're not helping by letting her run your life. Put your foot down and walk away! That's the only way you're gonna have your own life. It's gonna be hard, but if you want a life of your own. Good Luck.
2006-09-06 17:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by dct1218 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. I am 31 and my parents question every thing I say or do. It is even harder since I have a child. I am a people pleaser but I soon realize I can't please everyone. I realized that I can only please myself and my daughter. If my parents don't like how I am living, doing or whatever then they can get over it.
In your case, I would try talking to her. Just tell her that "hey, I am an adult and I am living my own life. Either accept or don't but to please stop controlling me" or something like that.
Good luck!
2006-09-06 17:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by chellebeth75 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem and I am older than you. You just need to slowly phase her out of your personal life. Just be polite and tell her that everything is great. Be scant on the details. Live your own life regardless of her behaviour.
2006-09-06 17:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by Cary Grant 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl I've been there with my mom if you want to have a life your going to have to toughen up a little. be kind to her and do what you can to help but don't allow her to manipulate you cause it will never end if you don't do something about it and if you still live with her do what ever you have to do TO GET OUT my relationship with my mom improved a lot once I moved out good luck
2006-09-06 18:39:29 · answer #7 · answered by Sandra 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
34...let's see...where do u live? in the west coast....please inquire re jobs in other states, preferably east coast... then get urself a one way ticket....give your mom a hug goodbye.....at least give her ur cell phone number...of course u have the option of answering her calls....she will leave a message, trust me...u can check it 2 minutes later... just to see she's not planning to jump off any bridge.....she is doing whatever she's doing....because u allow her to do it........34..yrs.....that's enough sacrifice...move on...get married if u have a man......or just do ur thing
2006-09-06 17:45:07 · answer #8 · answered by ♦cat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get her a cell phone and tell her to call 911 if she can't wait for you to get home. You need to set firm boundaries. If you still live in her house, you do need to honor her rules. If they are too much, then look for your own place.
2006-09-06 17:27:17 · answer #9 · answered by wellbeing 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a heart to heart with her tell her how you feel but be nice and tell her when she convenietly gets sick your going to just walk away. And tell her you need your space and she needs hers. take her to bingo or get her in to something have her meet some one maybe she just scarred to be left alone this should help her to get her own life!
2006-09-06 17:51:31 · answer #10 · answered by black lady 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋