how do I convice my daughter to get out of an abusive relationship?

Question

she's 24, and is using the typical "it's my fault" excuses for him.

Answer 1

You need to have an intervention. Get all her really good friends and family around her and tell her straight - "You need to get out."

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Answer 2

There is not alot you can do.Except be there for her when she needs you.Listen to her when she tryies to talk to you.Then she will know she has someone to talk to.Don't shun her away as this could get more abusive and she won't come to you when needed.Mention that there is shelters that will help her and people love her.Keep an eye on what;s going on in that abusive relationship and if things seem to be getting out of hand,help her by calling the police but you need proof.Like a bruise,or a mark from what he did.She might also say that she hurt herself,this can be very frustrating for a mom but stand by her,that's what she needs until she finally realizes that she doesn't want to take it any more.God Bless you all.

Answer 3

There is nothing you can do that I am sure you haven't already tried. Until she makes up her mind, she will stay in it. Maybe you could get her to meet someone who was in the same situation and got out who could convince her. I don't know if she would attend any meeting or not?

I will pray for you and her for strength and wisdom. No one deserves to be abused. You can act a certain way, but the other person is choosing to act in a mean and or abusive manner. It is not your daughters fault. You could have her read the answers you get. No one deserves to be abused.

Answer 4

well you can't force her you interfering will cause her to take his SIDE, step light let her know your there 4 her. Don't yell at her or control her she needs less people trying to tell her what to do not more. She will have to make the choice on her own to leave. SHE'S A ADULT you have no legal grounds WHAT SO EVER to force anything on her. I know the one relationship i had that was bad my mom only made matters worse by butting in and caused more chaos and tension into a already stressed situation i did not respect her 4 doing that.

Answer 5

As the parent of someone in an abusive relationship, there is a LOT that you can do! First, let me explain that I have worked as a crisis counselor in the field of domestic/family violence for about 15 years. Eight of those years was within a transition house/women's shelter.
The most important thing you can do for your daughter is to tell her, repeatedly, that "no matter what" you love her and support whatever decisions she makes, now and in the future. Be honest, tell her that you're scared for her. Tell her you will help her find the numbers of someone she can talk to - she can receive free counselling from almost any women's shelter. And she does not have to leave her spounse or stay at the shelter to get that counselling. Also, she can meet with a counselor or just talk to them over the phone. Meeting in person is usually better as the counselor will often show diagrams of the "cycle of violence" (starts with the "honeymoon phase" where everything is wonderful and gradually tension begins to build until there is, ultimately, an explosion of violence. Then the cycle begins again.) and have a lot of other information your daughter can look over. Offer to go with your daughter if she feels uncertain, or suggest a friend go with her. Then offer to leave your daughter alone to talk with the counselor once she indicates to you that she feels comfortable.
Tell your daughter that
NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES, HE IS STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN BEHAVIOUR!
In other words, it is not her fault. Just as if a buck naked 13 year old child was to practically jump on you screaming, "I love you, take me! I'm Yours!" If you touch that child you are at fault! If a woman does something to provoke a man that does not make him any less responsible for his own behaviour! She can't control him. He controls himself.
If there are children involved inthis situation then it does become much more serious and your daughter needs to be aware that child protective services usually now view exposing a child to family violence, even just witnessing it, is a form of child abuse. This is mainly because children DO know what's going on in their home even if the parents are able to fool themselves into thinking they're somehow unaware. And the stats on what happen to these children as they grow, without serious intervention, is so so sad. In general, little boys will act out on the world and grow to be men who act out on the world (and their own wives and children) and little girls will usually turn this all inwards and grow to be women who will continue to focus this anger inwards, also choosing men who abuse them. I could keep going on, but you get the idea.
If your daughter does not want to talk to a counsellor, or even a crisis liine, then talk to her about having a "Safety Plan" in case she ever needs to leave the house quickly. Ask her to decide where she would go if she had to suddenly leave her home. This has to be a place where she will be safe - preferably one her spouse would not think of. Can she keep a bag there? Or at your home? The bag should contain photo copies of ID, any important documents, rent receipts, bank statements, etc. The bag should also contain a change of clothes, some extra medications or prescriptions, eye glasses, a couple of children's toys if needed, phone numbers of friends and professionsals she may need to contact, etc. Also, plan how your daughter would get out of her home: keep a spare set of car keys hidden (and house keys) AND keep a small sum of money hidden somewhere that it can be quickly grabbed in case a taxi is called. Your daughter can also always call 911 and absolutely should do so if she is being hurt and/or is afraid for her safety.
Hope this all helps. Keep in mind that if your daughter does leave this man, that she may return to him (especially if there's children involved). But if she does then at least she will have a better understanding of what options and resources are available to her so that maybe next time, shel'll be able to recognize some of the signs earlier and get out a little faster. And each time she leaves him, she'll gain more understanding until eventually she is able to make the break. Just recognize that it takes an enormous amount of courage for a woman to be able to break free from an abusive relationship - so praise her when she does, and in the meantime, encourage, support, and love her. (And also think about a bit of counselling for yourself - "vicarious trauma" has a way of biting us when we least expect it.)
Zenobia

Answer 6

I want to cry for you my Sister went through the same thing. I think BTrix has a good idea intervention is in order here but you need to get a speciallist to help you in your intervention and if this dont help take her to abuse center and talk to other people who went through it! I wish we did everything in our power do get her out of the relationship. my Sister is now going the wrong way in life after he left her and her baby and my mom of 70 years old it taking care of her baby. Why I don't take care of the baby because my Sister won't let me! We talk all the time but he took her spirit away. Don't let that happend to your child do what ever it takes to get her away from him! Don't give up! I will find my Sister spirit again!

Answer 7

There's nothing YOU can do, she'll have to get to the point where SHE gets enough...trust me, I KNOW first hand. Some women (like I did) believe that if we love them enough, or try to fix them, or show them "normal" that they'll change. You have to learn that you cannot change someone, especially an abuser.


Just constantly tell her that (1) it's never okay for someone to abuse you (2) it's never her fault that someone abuses her and (3) she DOES NOT have to live her life in fear...

Answer 8

You can't make her leave only she can make that decision but don't make it easy for her if she wants to live in that kind of ugliness that's her choice but the rest of the family doesn't need to be exposed to it if the time comes when you feel she wants to get out do everything you can to help her until then shes on her own sounds mean but she is grown and has to deal with her choices.

Answer 9

Help her regain her self steem, if she is in that situation is because of low self steem. Tell her that she counts with you for everything, that she is very pretty and smart, that she can get everything she wants in this world.

With that she eventually will get the strenght to live that behind.

If you go against her, she will become more attached to the abuser. Not a good approach.

Answer 10

these are the steps you should take to help your daughter recognize the abuse
Validate her or his experiences. Acknowledge the injustice - no one deserves to be abused under any circumstances. Point out the different types of abuse - acknowledge that emotional abuse can be just as destructive as physical or sexual assaults. Explain that abuse often escalates over time and that the attacks can become more frequent and more severe. To educate yourself more about domestic violence, contact your local domestic violence program or the statewide Network for information on books, videos, workshops.

Express your concerns
Tell your friend that you are glad that s/he confided in you and that you are concerned for her/his safety and well-being. Let them know that you are here for them, that you will keep your conversations confidential,? and that the abuse is not their fault.

Support your friend?s strength
Point out how your friend is a survivor and focus on how s/he has been able to cope with and survive a very difficult situation- emphasize her/his positive strengths as an individual.

Be accepting
Be supportive if your friend is not willing to end the relationship. There are a myriad of reasons why s/he may decide to remain in an abusive situation for now (financial pressures, concern for the children, fear of death or escalating violence, no housing alternatives, societal pressure, religious beliefs, belief that it's the victim's fault etc.). Though it may be difficult, it is important that s/he not be pressured to make decisions that aren?t her /his own. Instead, be patient, and re-affirm that s/he is not to blame but that s/he will not be able to end the abuse by placating the abuser or altering her/his behavior. Remember: leaving may lead to escalation of violence and extreme danger. Leaving may require a lot of resources. And: Leaving is a PROCESS. Try to offer resources, remove barriers, and open doors for the survivor. Don't ever blame a survivor for staying - blame the abuser for abusing!

Work on a safety plan
Help your friend plan for her/his? safety ? look for patterns in the abuser?s behavior- i.e. when an argument is about to escalate into violence, avoid places where there may be potential weapons. Though it is not the victim's responsibility to stop the perpetrator's behavior, s/he can work on ways to increase her/his safety.? It is also important for her/him to have a safety plan if s/he is thinking of leaving the relationship - where will s/he go? How can s/he protect herself if the perpetrator escalates the violence? How will s/he survive financially? Local domestic violence programs can help with safety planning. There are printed safety planning tools available.

Be there. Listen. And Stay there
It may feel as if your message is not getting through, but it is important to keep supporting your friend. Isolation will only make the victim's situation worse. Remember: this is a very complicated situation, and it may take a long time to resolve. It is our responsibility to open doors for survivors and hold abusers accountable.

Reach out for help
Get support for yourself, if the situation gets you down. Call area resources for ideas and information - crisis lines also provide support and information for friends and family members of victims. They are open 24 hours a day and are confidential. Try to find other people who are in similar situations - and form support networks with them.?
and when you are done all this put into Gods hands and pray for her for she will wake up and see what he is doing to her,,,
if you would like to know more about this and the different types of abuse then you can email me or IM me just click on my pic.......

Answer 11

She has to want to help herself and want a different future. The best thing you can do is be there for her and talk to her and show her logically how it isn't her fault for things. Then when she is ready to change the situation get her to the nearest abuse help center right away.