My 17 year old son doesn't listen to me anymore. Why?

Question

My 17 year old son doesnt listen to my advice anymore. I am trying to help him map out his future. He doesnt want to talk about school. What gives?

Answer 1

He is almost a man (according to the law anyway)..He wants to spread his wings and so what he wants. You have done your job and given him life lessons...now let HIM put it to the test and make his own choices. If he falls flat on his face...Good!! He will learn and YOU will support him...BUT only from a distance. This is how YOU let go and let GROW. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well, he's 17 - I know that's a cliche, but there's truth in it. He's still at that point where he's trying to create his own, individual personality and trying out the idea that he can control his own life. Scary stuff - teens tend to be dependent, defiant, confident, changing from one moment to the next.

Plus, you're talking about "mapping out his future." This is big, scary stuff, to adults and to kids. He may be overwhelmed with choices, information, pressures - so he wants to tune you out.

If you can give him a short breather, it might be a good idea to tell him something like, "you do have a lot of important choices to make, but I know how overwhelming this can be, so why don't we take a break for a day or two, and we'll sit down Saturday morning (or Sunday night, or whenever) and go over this so you can make some decisions."

Whether the break is one day or one week, just so he knows he has some time off when he doesn't have to think about all of this, and a defined time when you both will CALMLY talk it over.

How do you approach it? Are you getting stressed? Since you're the grownup here, it's your job to take deep breaths and keep your cool. Are you listening, or just talking? Let there be some silences, and let him feel that he can fill those silences however he wants - you'll listen non-judgementally. If he's afraid to tell you he disagrees with you, or wants something different from what you want, he may not talk at all, or may try to avoid the conversation altogether.

He wants to tune you out, probably, because (1) you're Dad and he's trying to be his own person, part of which is learning to deal with things without asking Dad and (2) he's still a kid, and scared of making wrong decisions. In reality, he isn't mapping out his whole future, just what to do next. Adults often change careers and choices many times over the course of a lifetime (when I was 4, I wanted to be a horse. When I was 14, I wanted to be a rock star. I am neither a horse, nor a rock star, but I'm happy).

Try to let him know he's just choosing what to do next, not determining some set path that will lead either to glory and fame or poverty and misery. There's enough pressure on a kid at 17 as it is.

Answer 3

He is at the age where The start to ignore you and don't really care what you say. When I was 17, I Blew off both of my parents! One day as I came home from high I saw all my underwear, and clothes all out on my front trees. I always listened still then but now that I'm much older and don't live in the same state I don't worry about it. But unless he really gives you a hard time I wouldn't bother on putting all his underwear on a tree. Good luck =)

Answer 4

Hate to be the one to tell you this but TIMES UP you had 17 years to teach and instill good things in him now that he's almost an adult all you can do is hope you did a good enough job, at his age it's best to give advice when he asks for it and allow him to make his own way in the would and that includes making his own mistakes and learning how to deal with them his self, if he doesn't need your advice any more then he knows enough to solve his own problems be there for him but take your relationship to a new level hes not a little kid any more

Answer 5

That is par for the course. At 13, kids begin to move away from their parents and it accelerates with each birthday. If you get him to listen to anything you say then you are ahead of everyone else. Most 17 year olds today, even those who go on to college, will be living at home into their 30's so don't despair, the time will come.

Answer 6

I don't have experience as a father, so I can't speak to that. But I DO have experience as a 17 year old boy. That's the way they are. He will grow out of it and learn to respect your opinion when he gets older.

Answer 7

Sometimes kids just think that know better than their parents. Sometimes it is a respect issue. Maybe he has issues at school.

The reality of it is that kids have to be allowed to make their own mistakes. That is how all human beings learn: from THEIR mistakes.

I am sure that you have done this because you sound like a concerned parent, but I will ask anyway. Have you talked to him and asked him what he wants to do after graduation? Where his interests lie?

You could talk to his guidance counselor at school or perhaps their is another adult in the family (extended or otherwise) that he is friendly with, that he might be able to open up to and discuss these things.

Bottom line: Be there for him and show him love and encouragement. Things will get better.

Answer 8

He's 17 and feels he's got it from this point. Hang in there and know that one of these days he WILL need mom.

Answer 9

It might be because you haven't earned his respect and trust while raising him.

Also, there are some people just don't listen and have to learn things the hard way.

Answer 10

You have run into the mid-life IQ slump. It happens to every father. After your child turns 13, your IQ drops, and it keeps dropping until they hit 16 or 17. At that point, you will be the dumbest person on the planet. Your IQ will then rise slowly until your child turns 21. Then, your IQ will increase quickly. By the time your child turns 25, you will be a genius.

Answer 11

That's so sad...I'm 15 and don't always listen to my dad...although, I don't know why. Maybe it is becuase I am lazy and don't feel like doing work. I do listen to his advice though!