what should i say to my motherinlaw?

Question

oh gosh she thinks i am a bad mom! everytime i say or do something she always has to come back at me and say i am worng and "this" is how i need to do things when it come to raising my children, well hello i am their mom and yeah i am in the military so is my hubby and we are both cops, so i think we may know a lil something but what do i say to ask her to stop doing it?

SHE IS JUST LIKE MARIE ON EVERYBODY LOVE RAYMOND!!!!!! and my husband is just like Ray!!!! he won't stand up to his mommy

Answer 1

You can use the same negotiation skills used in police work on her.

If she does not live with you, then just simply stop talking to her, disassociate yourself from giving her any information, that she could judge you for. Talk to your husband about it, ask him to tell her to no offer any more advice.

If you must carry on a conversation with her, just keep the conversation light. If she brings up the children, tell her you will not discuss them with her any longer, due to her interference.

If she gets mad or becomes disruptive, just end the conversation and leave. Simple.

Answer 2

Who is taking care of your children while you are in the military?
Where is your m-i-l? Does she have unlimited access to your kids? How old are your kids?
Without those questions answered, it is hard to give good advice, but I'll give it a whack.
First of all, your husband should be taking this call. He is her son. She might actually listen to him. He needs to sit her down privately, and very gently tell her to butt the hell out. If she is baby-sitting for you or sees you all the time, this will be very hard for all concerned.
The more obstinate/deceitful she is, the more times he will have to do this. YOU stay out of it. You 2 are team. He should be fighting this battle-ax for you. He has more sway with her--you are just some women he accidently impregnated--he is family! Tell him he needs to pick this up and if he doesn't, you are going to end the problem once and for all.
Never make a threat you won't back up. If he won't do this, sit her down privately (with her son, if he will sit still) and USE a LIST!!!
Tell her you understand that she has good ideas about how to raise children-she did a good job on him, right?
Tell her you apprecaite her help and love her.
Tell her you are the parents. You have to do things your way.
Tell her what you will and will not tolerate.
Tell her if she doesn't honor your wishes, without sabotage--that she will enjoy limited access to your children.
Enforce it.
Being a grandparent is a joy.. It makes up for crow's feet and midriff-bulge, but it is not a ticket to abuse people.
She is actually being a bully. And she will continue until you slap her down. She probably thinks she is helping. she probably doesn't respect you or her son, in matters of raising children anyway. At least, you 2 can make her back off.
Now if you are a bad mom-and there are MPs in the military who are overly hateful or restrictive with their children.There are men and women who work too much and neglect their children.
If she is addressing things that need to be corrected, she will probably call DHS. I hope she does.
If she is just being bossy and intrusive, she will slow down some.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I have been in the same situations. Stand up for yourself. It also helps if the hubby stand up for what you say too, and not what mommy says. And when she wants to give her opinion or be rude try this, "Thank you, but your opinion is not wanted here." Or there is always telling her that you are doing things the way you and your hubby want them to be done.
I have been in your same situation and it is hard. One thing you have to remember, is you ARE a person, a mom and wife. Don't let ANYONE walk all over you or be rude to you. There is no call for that. Don't be rude, just simply tell her where you stand. She might not like it, but, she will eventually get over it.

Answer 4

While I agree with you that what your mother-in-law is doing is wrong, you should know she is always going to do what she is doing. My wife I have the very same problem that you do. Only, both my mom and her mom act in this manner. Lucky us, we get a double whammy!!!

You have to tell her in point blank terms how you feel, while being polite, respectful and loving. Remember, she is only doing what she is doing because she has made mistakes raising her children, and is now trying to make up for it through your children.

As I said before, even after you talk to her and she agrees she needs to layoff and let you raise your children, she is still going to act in this manner to some degree or another.

Answer 5

Tell her stop. Have you told your husband about it and how it makes you feel? If you have then you both need to sit down with her and talk to her and let her know that you guys are the parents and that you are going to raise your children how you see fit. If you havent told your husband than you should most deffinately do that. He knows his own mother and how she should be approached with this. You shouldnt try to talk to her without him being there otherwise she will probably push you over it would be better to have his support there right beside you when you talk to her, that way she knows that you guys arent going to back down on this and that he supports you and your feelings on this. Hope it all works out

Answer 6

I would try talking to her again with your husband and explain that to her that you are the parents and that you set the rules for your child and that for there to be harmony in the house then she needs to abide by what you and your husand say in regards to how you raise "your" child. I would also remind her that either way, you are this childs mother and you do not appreciate her offerring unsolicitated advice. Sounds like you have a serious Mother-in-Law issue on your hands that needs to be dealt with.
Your husband also needs to step up to the plate and defend you. It is his mother, after all, and he is the one that truly needs to put his foot down.
Bottom line, if she cannot keep out of your raising techniques, she needs to know she may not be able to visit.

Answer 7

you should joke with her and say you know ask more questions than our detectives in the interrogation room.
or say if you don't mind your business I'll have you arrested...
you could say something sarcastic like since you seem to think I am an incompetent mother maybe when you get home you should create a step by step program for me to become the mother you think I should be.
These are only ideas some are risky but my ex- mother and father in law were Pentecostal preachers and I could never do anything right....until I decided to put my foot down.....They are also the main reason why I am divorced

Answer 8

some time others can see the things you cant see because you are used to doing something a curtain way. if it's petty.f-them. if they are telling you about a severe satiation. here them out and say o.k. and go on with life.because a person mentions something,doesn't mean you have to do it or agree with it. and it sucks when some one says you are doing something wrong.you can hear them out just the same act like you care and you may actually be able to handle what they say and it may become less and less as you sort of somewhat agree to listen. get what I'm saying????

Answer 9

First of all, consider what she says..don't be so quick to dismiss her knowledge. I learned a lot from my mother-in-law about my raising my sons..I was doing something that I thought was right, but she gently pointed out to me that perhaps I was doing this or that and didn't know it....thank god she had the nerve to intervene! IF, after considering what she says, you disagree, then discuss it with her if possible. Find out her side of the story..none of us are that perfect at being parents. Good luck

Answer 10

Tell her thanks for the suggestion/advice, you'll think about it/talk it over with your spouse.
Maybe she's not trying to be a know-it-all or trying to tell you you're not doing it just right .... maybe she's just looking for a way to be involved in your family, to be a part of, to have something positive to contribute, to help you out.
Maybe if you can see her interference in those terms rather than as criticism, it'll be easier to accept & deal with & may put you guys on different footing altogether.