My ex-fiance and I have a 3yr old daughter together. We broke up after she turned 1 because he cheated on me. For the past 2 yrs I have been battling with him to see her. Some times he gets her, then I wont see him for 4-5 months at a time. The bad part is that he live 5min from me. He married the gurl who he cheated on me with and she influences his decisions when it comes to our child. He claims hat its because of me, but I know of a fact thats BS. I've even heard her yelling curse words in the background whe Im on the phone with him. How can I get him to take care of my daughter effectively?? This is very stressfull and although he pays child support, thats still not enough. Please help me.
2006-09-06 09:04:35 · 20 answers · asked by cinnimontwist518 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Although it's not too nice to suggest, I would think that maybe you are better off just getting his child support money and not having him see your daughter. Truth is, if he is going to be inconsistent like that it is only going to mess her up as she gets older. Sounds like you and your daughter might be better off without him!
2006-09-06 09:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasting you time on the jerk. There is nothing you can do to change his behavior. Besides, do you really want your daughter to be in the company of that woman? If she is yelling and cursing just because he is on the phone with you, imagine how she is treating your daughter.
Spend your time instead on finding positive role models for your daughter. If there is no babysitting co-op type group in your area, you might consider starting one. You can get a group of moms together and take turns babysitting the kids. No money is involved because everyone takes their turn caring for all of the kids. The kids get plenty of social interaction and you get a break. Use whatever time frame works best for the group. For example, if you have 4 moms in the group, you could each choose 2 or 3 nights each month. That would give you 6-9 nights each month to yourself. That would considerable reduce your stress.
2006-09-06 09:15:58 · answer #2 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are having difficulty having your ex share in taking care of your daughter, you would be better off raising your daughter alone. It's does not help exposing her to the behavior of the other woman (yelling cursing). It's good that he pays child support. Don't expect more in terms if time. It's not worth the stress. It will not help your daughter either. If you need more in terms of child support, just ask him for more. And if his unwilling, then maybe you could take him to court.
2006-09-14 03:51:36 · answer #3 · answered by Erize Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your situation, (Hmmmm I'm mad,) I don't think I could put up with it, I wouldn't make it easy for them, especially the stupid woman, if I were you I would go to court on this matter and tell the judge about this nasty woman, but truthfully, you are better off without him and just take the child support, he is the biggest jerk for leaving you, it's such a catch 22 though, because yes she'll grow up without her father, thanks to a jerk like the woman he has, you need to talk to him and ask him who wears the pants, but besides that, tell him that nasty woman needs to stay out of it, because he had a daughter before she came into the picture and needs to be responsible because he is really going to end up hurting the child, and you should see him completely separate from this woman, tell him he has to have what a man has, to handle this situation right for your daughter's sake.
The stupid woman can wait, it sounds like she is a manipulator and a control freak, you need to ask yourself, what is it that you really want and take action, if you are willing to fight then do so, it's not going to be so easy, (go to court and have the judge decide, he won't be able to say no to a court rulling) if you really need help with sharing the child care, though you might be up against the fact that this stupid woman could mistreat your daughter or say nasty things to her and/or about you, so think about the consequences and what you really, really want, if you rather not deal with it, then leave it alone and forget about the jerk and the pain of a woman he has.
That's my best advice. (Tell this stupid woman to stay out of your business, you were in the picture first with your daughter, tell her if she continues to bother you, you will get back together with your ex. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, DON'T LET ANYONE STEP ALL OVER YOU!!
Wish you the best.
2006-09-13 19:20:40 · answer #4 · answered by You are loved 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the role a Father should play in a child's mind, however, Why would you want to subject your child around this woman whom apparently is not going to have a good word to say about you and is going to be belligerent around this child.
If you do get your ex involved with his child, I would hope that both of you could agree to limited visits with the ignorant new wife that needs to grow up. Hopefully you can find another male role model for your child. Good Luck.
2006-09-13 00:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of the problem of not having a legal relationship. Do you have proof of how she treats your child? Record the phone calls. Take it to court. Don't let her around your child, and for goodness sake him either - except in a controlled setting - he sounds like a loser.
I agree with the majority - take the money and run. If all you want is a babysitter ("take care of my child") then pay for one. It will be cheaper than taking her to therapy in a few years.
2006-09-14 04:37:10 · answer #6 · answered by Doris B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel you & your daughter. Unfortunately your daughter is the one who will be hurt the most by him being such and a**!
You will never get him to be consistant or reliable with her. I think that you need to let it go, and stop wishing that things are going to be different. Allowing this situation to make you crazy is really a choice that you make everytime you get into it with him.
So, he pays you - GOOD! So, he shows up when he wants - not so good. As much as you need to look out for your daughter, you also need to let her see him when she can. She WILL figure out that her dad is an A**!!! Let her figure that out - if you tell her she will resent you!
Just let it go!!! Spare yourself the stress & trauma and take it as it comes. You are the lucky one you have a beautiful daughter that you love & adore - he has that biatch!!
2006-09-14 08:49:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anne A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to file for custody of your child, whether its full time or part time, but to be honest if he has your child most of the time there is no reason he needs to pay you more child support. After all the child is half of your responsibility. But anyways its unfortunate that you are in this situation, but the fact is that you are. Don't worry about his wife, all you need to be concerned with is what is best for your child! Good luck!
2006-09-11 09:00:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his wife don't want him to see his child. This is a hard situation. Maybe go pay him a visit with your child and maybe the witch will change her mind. Your putting him in a bad spot. Ask him just to do it behind the witch's back. He needs to put his foot down with his wife and tell her I want to see my child. He has a right to do that. Some women just don't get it. Good Luck.!
2006-09-06 09:09:43 · answer #9 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you stable? If so and he is paying child support, dont worry with it. Lean on your relatives or church family. She has a father babe, GOD. I was raised in the same town with a dad that I never met until I was 12. I am 37 now and he doesnt even see his 3 teenage grandkids. He has nothing to contribute to our family. My faith in GOD is strong and my husband and I raise our kids with the fear of GOD and Jesus in their hearts. Your daughter will be fine. Love her, teach her and tell her how someone died so that we all could live. You are in my prayers
2006-09-13 02:33:52 · answer #10 · answered by Kelly V 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋