How do I get my almost 5yr old son to sleep in his own bed?

Question

Okay I know I started the problem ; ) but my soon to be 5yr old has been sleeping with me. A few weeks ago I started the long and grueling process of making him sleep alone. The only time I get a full nights sleep now is when he's at his fathers house. At bedtime I have him brush his teeth and either pick a cartoon to watch or a book to read, I tuck him in, kiss him etc. Then I leave the room and he follows me. I've tried the normal bribe...sleep five nights then get a surprise, I"ve stayed long enough for him to fall asleep and he wakes in the night and comes to my room. I know at this point I should not let him in my bed, so I take him back to his bed but he wakes back up about every hour! Last night sometime after 4am was my fourth time getting up with him and putting him back to bed, I woke up at 6am to him in my bed again! Another fail! lol okay so now I'm going crazy what do i do? Should I lock my bedroom door for a few nights so he can't sneak in? HELP!

Answer 1

You have turned on the night light, turned down the sheets, have given an "all clear" of any night-time gremlins, and have given your child a drink of water. A book has been read and your child has been smothered with nighty-night kisses and sweet dreams hugs.

If you are one of the lucky ones, the blissful evening silence may carry over into morning madness. But for many parents of young children, the bedtime calm may last only seconds, minutes, or into the middle of the night with the persistent evening creep back into your room. A child's wide eyes, often wet with tears and sometimes lack of sleep, are often combined with excuses to melt almost any heart and diffuse parental protests, especially if it's 3 a.m. and you need to work in the morning. "My room is making noises," "I need a drink," "I'm hungry," "I miss you so much," "I'm scared," "I'm lonely," "I'm sick" or simply, "I can't sleep." Name the argument; some parent has already heard it before. It's easy for a sleep-deprived parent to simply turn down the sheet and half-heartedly left a young child sleep in their bed. It's the next morning--after enduring a night of tossing and turning of a wiggly child, loss of privacy, a child hard to awaken in the morning in time for school or daycare, or perhaps even wet sheets as a result--the parent insists the habit of a child sneaking into bed must change.

But how? Here are some tips for making the permanent transition of a child sleeping in his/her own bed:

* Make your child's room inviting, decorated to his/her taste, and age-appropriate. Consider allowing your child to help decorate by at the very least picking out the bedding. For the more ambitious adventurers, give your child choices of a bedroom theme, positioning of bed and furniture (with your help, of course), and overall look and feel. The general idea is you want your child to absolutely LOVE his/her room and want to spend time in it!

* Consider the size of the bed. Some parents move their child to a twin or even larger bed as soon as a child graduates from the crib. For some children, that is fine, but others may feel intimidated or even threatened by its size. Depending on a child's nature, toddler beds can provide a nice transition between crib and twin. These beds often are available in theme designs, such as a race car or castle. Make sure your child can easily get in and out of bed and feels comfortable in it.

* Establish a memorable bedtime routine. The routine does not need to be elaborate; however, it should be something your child looks forward to each night and considers a special time. This can be as simple as reading a favorite book in a special part of the room, having a bath to soothing music, eating a snack and then brushing teeth, singing a favorite song, saying a prayer, exchanging highlights of the day, or even a special bedtime kiss-n-hug ritual.

* Require your child to go to the bathroom just before bedtime. Sometimes its the need to go to the bathroom that then causes the child to wake and then want company.

* Don't lie down with your child, or if you do, only stay for a brief time. You don't want your child to think he/she has to have someone lay down with him for sleep.

* Establish the rule that your child will now sleep in his/her own bed and make no exceptions. Some parents report that it is helpful to build it into a celebration, such as "Now that you are starting kindergarten, you are expected to stay in your own bed every night" or "As a 4-year-old, you will get new privileges! One of those is the excitement of picking the toy you want to sleep with in your own bed every night."

* Don't weaken to crying or whining. If you do, your child wins. Tell your child you are not going to keep coming in for kisses, hugs, discussion, begging, or pleading. Stick to this. If your child leaves the room, simply re-direct the child back without discussion. Show no weakness, or your child will know that this behavior results in a change.

* Finally, even if you are totally exhausted or its an unseemly hour of the night, walk your child back to his/her room immediately if you receive a visitor. Don't over-react or give to much attention; simply say, "The rules are that you sleep in your own bed."

If you maintain consistency and the rules, your child will be sleeping in his or her bed throughout the night in no time. And, you and your child will both get improved shut eye and be better prepared to face the new day together!

Answer 2

Have your nightly goodnight rutual, put him in bed and tell him Good night, you're sleeping in your big bed tonight, then walk out. Then when he gets out of bed, put him back in bed, and tell him goodnight, and walk out. If he gets up again then just put him back in bed without a word, then walk out. It's incredibly annoying and you won't get any sleep for a couple nights, but keep it up! We did this with my step sister's son and it worked after 2 nights. He never gets out of bed anymore! The key is not to bribe him, not to let him watch tv in bed (its too much stimulation for his lil mind) , and to make sure he knows that this is how it's going to be and he has to do it. It WILL work, just hang in there! And I definitely wouldn't lock your door... that's a HUGE safety hazard for a small child being locked on the other side from the adult.

Answer 3

Don't do the TV thing....you will regret it later. I know I do.

Try a radio.

I used a body pillow. Sprayed some of my perfume on it. My son would cuddle with it while watching TV and feel secure. He would be asleep before he knew it. When he woke up during the night he would feel that pillow and think he was next to someone and go right back to sleep.

Answer 4

o man I have the same problem with my 5 yr old..... I also have a 3 yr old that does it too! So if you think it is hard with just one try 2! I dunno what to do either. They have stopped some but they still get in my bed sometimes. The thing I do is always try to be persistant with making sure that they know they are not supposed to be in mommy's bed. It is hard to get up and make them go back in their room all the time but I am hoping eventually it will work. Let me know if you find a better solution!

Answer 5

I am there with you! I have 3 kids and not one of them stays in there bed all night! I gave up the battle long ago! I wait til I really need to sleep then I move them. Once we moved all of the furniture in our bed room and then told them that we have a smaller bed now and everyone won't fit. It did work for a long time. We have moved this year and oh my talk about upsetting the apple cart! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Just keep trying with the bribes......my girlfriend has 2 kids of her own and they somewhat do the same thing. Another "added" effect to it, is when we're out shopping and they start whining that they "want this....or want that"......she kind of beats around the bush by saying things like...."Only once you're big enough to sleep in your own bed....that's for big girls".........then it usually jump starts their whole "But I aaaaam a big girl now mommy".....kinda thing lol. Pretty entertaining to watch.........plus there's always the lock the door at night and let them beat on the door and cry till they tire themselves out. And lastly.....if all else fails......do what my girlfriend USED to do.....is allow them to fall asleep right next to you in the bed, then after they're out cold....pick them up and set them in their own bed...and lock the door behind you. Lots of different techniques....ever kid's different though.

Answer 7

Why does he insist on sleeping with you? Is he afraid? Is he just stubborn? Some kids suffer from separation anxiety. Make sure you are not causing this for him. Also, see his doctor to make sure that there isn't anything else wrong. Other than that, you will just have to go cold turkey. I slept in my parent's room until I was 4 and I had separation anxiety. If he doesn't feel safe in his room then you have to make him feel safe!

Answer 8

Kimmy,

I might suggest that you try keeping the child up a little longer then he, or she is used to,it will be hard on you at first, but isn't a good night sleep to you worth a try?

Hope this helps you as i am sure you would welcome a good nights sleep.

Answer 9

tell him that only big boys sleep in their rooms alone. Give him a night light and then cut off all the lights in the house.

Answer 10

get a child's gate and put it up in his room or across your door so he cannot get in this way he knows you are serious that is what we had to do cuz my wife was letting our son sleep in there took a few day of him sleeping at the gate but he found out that it was most uncomfortable to sleep there