2006-09-06 08:19:00 · 33 answers · asked by Shervet Daquiz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am a clinical psychiatrist an I never tell a patient what they have to do I prefer to give alternative situations for them to make the choice. And then they can tell me their choice an I will tell them what is the light at the end of the tunnel from the choice they made.
The pain has to be very hard for you being that you say, "I love my wife". Do I stay with her under the circumstance because of love for her or do I leave her.
This is your decision between you and God if you are a believer.
Questions that you must consider when making your decision:
1) Was she sleeping with her ex-boyfriend during the entire length of your marriage. My profession opinion this was not a one time affair while being married.
2) How will you feel towards the child when the baby comes into this world and you know it is not your own child. (Especially how the child was conceived).
3) Will I look at this baby and feel hate towards the baby who fault was not of their making.
4) How do you know that you wife will not continue to see her ex-boyfriend??
5) Does she really love you as love is a two way street. My professional opinion she does not love you as you love her or she would never have slept with her ex-boyfriend.
6) Will you ever be able to trust her again when she tells you she is going shopping etc. etc.
7), Worse of all she has put you and the baby at great risk for HIV, being I am sure that he fools around and your wife is fooling around.
8). Do you wish to have sex with her with the possibility that she may be infected with HIV.
9) Can you live with the fact that she has broken the vows of the marriage with a horrible sin.
I can not put myself in your shoes. If it was me I would tell her that I don't hate you, but I can not live with you ever again.
You deserve better in life. Plus time has away of healing ones pain and love for other person.
God helps those who helps themselves. So you pray with your God an I am sure you will come up with the right answer.
Wish you the very best in what ever choice you make.
Please excuse my english. English is not my primary language.
2006-09-06 08:47:28 · answer #1 · answered by MINDDOCTOR 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you continuing to have contact with this guy when he is clearly breaking the boundaries YOU should have in your OWN marriage? Do you love your husband if you let another man send you naked photos, proposition you repeatedly, etc? How would you feel if your husband was having those conversations with another woman? It really doesn't matter what this guy's deal is. He sounds like he might be a serial cheater, and that has nothing to do with love or his wife, but of needing a woman's interest to feel good about himself. Or maybe he gets something out of winning another woman away from her husband. The fact is that he's with his wife, not either of the other two women he claims he's cheated with. That tells me he loves her, and uses the women for sport. If you respect yourself, your husband, your family or your marriage, you would lose this guy's number PRONTO.
2016-03-27 00:29:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do realize, that because you are marriend in some (most) states that makes you legally the child's father and finacially responsible unless some sort of documentation and paternity is done establishing the ex as the father and in full responsibility.
Betrayal can be gotten over, it takes counseling but it can be done...when a child is involved, it takes it to a whole other complicated level. You need to think about your choice based on the implications the baby will bring...and what you have the strength to handle.
I suggest you go and talk to a professional, on your own...they might be able to help you think through this rationally.
2006-09-06 08:29:07 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't but there are variables involved in every situation. Maybe I could forgive the'cheating" by itself but I couldn't live with my partner having unprotected sex with someone else. That shows disresprct for me and very little regard for my health. In the same instance that she got pregnant she may have gotten A.I.D.S or any other stds, then you would have gotten them do, Can you live with that?
A baby changes everything. As the mother its most likely that the child will live with her ..and you. Will you be able to love that child unconditionally? Will you be able to face family, friends etc when through the pregnancy when they all know its not yours?
Only you can truly decide if you stay, BUT you do need some counselling and all the moral support you can get if you decide to stay. To heck with what everyone thinks, you have 1 life and if you think it will be happier with her and this child in it than without them go right ahead and work it out. Its not easy but its not impossible.
All the best. Hope you find the strenght to do what you REALLY want to do and not what's expected or encouraged.
2006-09-06 08:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by ayanagin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's already made the decision to move on. If she really wanted to stay with you, she would have just acted like it was your baby, without even mentioning her ex.
But you should get the paternity test anyway, not only as proof of her infidelity, but also the responsibility for the child. By being married to her, that makes you legally responsible.
However, even if it shows that the child is yours, again... she told you about the affair for a reason... even if nothing else, to make you mad enough to leave her, since she didn't want to do the dirty deed.
2006-09-06 08:33:24 · answer #5 · answered by ♫☼♥ ≈ Debbi ≈ ♥☼♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really up to you. Your wife was unfaithful and got pregnant by her x. And that makes things worse. If I were you I wouldn't stay things are just going to get worse through your marriage no matter how hard you both work on it. She is having a child that isn't yours and your married to the woman. I'd leave and let her go back to her x. He can take care of her and their baby. It's not your responsibility anymore.
2006-09-06 08:23:33 · answer #6 · answered by lillady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why would you even ask? Love is a 2 way street between 2 people not you, her and her ex-boyfriend. Make sure the baby is the ex's and move on, you have no obligation to her or the child
2006-09-06 08:23:46 · answer #7 · answered by mohvictor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not continue the relationship.One lie leads into another.When a person does something to this extent it will happen again and again.She is not trust worthy.When trust is gone, thats an important part of a true relationship.It will also be trouble in the future with the child and its natural father.
2006-09-06 08:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by llgarrett69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, the marriage is over. But the decision is ultimately one for you two to resolve.
To me, It was over when she decided it was ok to give herself to another man (ex or anyone else). She obviously didn't respect the marriage enough not to lay with him. Find someone who is about being monogamous, isn't that why you two got married? To be together? One on one? This is really a no brainer. Good luck.
2006-09-06 08:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by Inquiring mind wants to know.. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Will you? I don't know as that is up to you. Would I, if I were in your position? I would not. She broke the trust between you two by engaging in a relationship with another man which whom she obviously has feelings for, in order to do so. Also, she engaged in unprotected sex with that man which is pure selfishness and stupidity on her part and a total disreguard for your health as well. I mean, there are TONS of STD's out there and she obviously had no problem risking your life by exposing you to the risks of it through her actions.
Just my two cents...
2006-09-06 08:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by willf1974 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋