How would you read into this "relationship"? Please, I need some kind of help!!?

Question

I've been "with" this awsome guy for a year now. We're what you would call "friends with benefits". He's been divorced a year now but still won't consider me his girlfriend, says he's not ready for a relationship but "everything" we do are things a normal couple would do, not to mention I'm head over heals for this guy. I'm really afraid that with out that gf/bf title I'll loose him. Do you think that title really makes a difference and do you think that I'd be at risk of loosing him?

First I want to thank all that answered it really means a lot to me. Let me add some more details about this by using some of the questions you asked me. He was out of his relationship for 2months before we got together. when I say we do "everything" I mean sex, dinners out, movies, parties. We actually discussed our envolvment the other night, that's when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. I believe he still loves this woman and is in total fear of relationships because of what she did to him. I'm willing to stick it out and see where things go and move as slowly as possible for him BUT knowing that i'm not his gf who's to say that I'd just be wasting my time on a guy that I can't get out of my head. He even said that maybe things would change but when he said to me that he didn't want to settle down with one person that there is more out there for him to see it started to get me thinking that I'm going to loose him as quickly as HE CAME TO ME!!

Answer 1

I read your updated message, and I still very, very firmly stand by what I said.

YOU DO NOT HAVE THIS MAN. At all. You are dating him, but you aren't a priority to him. If you have ANY feelings whatsoever that he may still love his ex, you have GOT to get out of this relationship, because there's nothing you can do to change his mind or to make him forget her. If he hasn't already forgotten her by this point, he probably never will. Please, I am begging you, spare yourself the future heartache and take a break from him for a while. If he wants you then he needs to prove himself to you, and that doesn't mean that if you take a break from him, then he calls you to come have sex with him, then you think he must really want you. Sex does NOT equal trust, respect or love. He HAS to treat you like you're a lady. He needs to put forth some effort: He needs to call you, he needs to ask you out instead of just assume you'll be by or that you're going to call him, he needs to take you places, and he has to prove in his personality and actions that this relationship is about you and him. NOT about you, him and his undying memories of his ex.

Why on earth do women do this to them selves? Please girl, I'm begging you, make him prove himself to you. I think you'll be surprised that he probably won't be willing to do it. It will hurt you to find out you're not as important and wanted and needed as you thought, but it's better to know the truth. Right? I guess that should be my next question: would you rather know the truth, or would you rather continue the relationship and just guess how he REALLY feels deep down? All girls should know that when a man really likes them and falls in love with them, that he'll do ANYthing for her. Why don't you put him to the test and see if he does everything in his will to keep you?

Answer 2

Well you have allot to take into consideration. After a divorce most people may not be to eager about running into another relationship to quickly. So he is avoiding a serious relationship. All well and good with that, but your feelings need to be taken into account. This is causing you pain and discomfort because your really in love with this guy and you deserve to have a happy healthy relationship and should not be made to suffer because of his ex wife's mistakes. I was in a similar situation and even though in my mind were were doing everything that a usual couple would do when i confronted him with my feelings he stated that he did not feel the same Wayy and would simply take my feelings into consideration with his actions. Need less to say this did not cut it for me i wa still tagging along torturing my self more by just being around him until i realized that i was only hurting my self and i should move on. Because he was living his life after he spent time with me he would go out with who ever else. So what you need to do is find out what he is thinking get into his head (the only way to do that is to ask questions) and see if you all really have a chance. and not tag along and torture yourself. Who knows his response may be favorable. Depending on his reply you should know how to move.

Answer 3

yes u r in a risk coz title makes a big difference if u r only a friend he can walk away from u or start another relationship.
may be he is thinking about his ex or may be he is still hurt and dont want a relationship.
may be he want u to cnsole him that means when u r near he forgets his woes that doesnt mean he needs u. once his mind is made up he might change.
so talk to him kindly and tell him what is in ur mind. make sure he doesnt have feelings for the ex still and start a relationship as soon as possible if u dont want to lose him. if he doesnt want it make a decision coz u are in a risk.
BUT dont hurrry up. ease in to the situation and give way to the time it clearly reveal what is going on. anyway all the best to your ROMANCE .......!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

When you say that you guys do "everything" normal couples do, are ya talking just sex or are you talking about dinners out, grocery shopping, and arguing over a movie?

You need to step back and think about what you want in a relationship. The fact that you are asking us if the bf/gf title matters, should be your answer...it matters to YOU!

Be true to yourself sweetie! Good luck!

Answer 5

The title of girlfriend let alone wife is a means to not lose a man.

Sometimes not rushing gets you what you want more genuinely than pressuring somebody to do something their not ready to do.

If he is spending time with you and enjoying you don't rock that boat because you just might fall over allow the relationship time to progress and if it doesn't the choice is yours whether you want to continue in such a manner.

Right now he has made the decision to not be in a relationship even though it looks like he is but it is ultimately up to you to get what you want whether its one from him or somebody else.

But again, if it is meant to be, it will eventually be.

Answer 6

He just got out of a long term thing. I would give it time. dont get your hopes on marriage or anything cause He doent want that. I know after beening divorcied so long who wants to go thru that again. i bet thats what hes thinking. If this is your first long term thing keep in mind he might not be right for you in the long run, If your looking to get married I mean. You dont say if hes has kids , but if he does. that could be a problem for you. does he want more? Think about it before you go any futher.... good luck

Answer 7

I think yes, it does make a difference because it seems to me like you are just his "toy"....if he's not ready for a relationship, he's just too caught up in the "no strings attached" bit of the friendship you two have. If I were you, I would back off a little bit, let him chase or even see if he is affected at all. Almost make it seem like you have interest in someone else......depends on how he is but with his remark....I'd just say he would only be pissed that his "toy" isn't around anymore.

Answer 8

How long was he separated from the ex before he began seeing you? Are you the first one he's been with since her? If so, he wants all the benefits of a relationship without the emotional involvement.

Answer 9

I think the title g/f or b/f is irrelevant to a relationship

If you are a "coupl" in all respect other thatn this "title" then you aren't going to lose him BECAUSE of the (lack of) title

Maybe he is still a bit hung up over his divorce? Are kids involved, or something else that still keeps him "tied" to his ex in any way?

Good luck to the pair of you

Answer 10

You need to think about how you feel and what you need.

It seems that you need to talk about how you both feel. Sit down with him and ask him where he thinks the relationship is going. If he thinks it's just for fun and not permanent, then you need to think about how that would make you feel. Do you need a commitment or can you wait? As long as you know what he's thinking you can work out what is healthy for you.