Im a christian single male dating a christian single woman, we look to possible marry. I'm not comfortable pursuing anything any further because of the relationship and current connection (communication) with her childrens father who is in prison. I think to a certain degree the relationship and communication should only be about the children and kept to a minimum. She disagrees. My issues are the way she carries out tasks for him, they act like they were married. My biggest issue is the emotional tie between the two of them. Please help I need advice on the does and donts.
2006-09-06 08:10:09 · 8 answers · asked by concerned7 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Head for the hills, brother.
2006-09-06 08:16:17 · answer #1 · answered by IT Pro 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of the children, she will ALWAYS have a some sort of tie to her ex. The question is, how close and obtrusive (to you) is that connection? My advice is; if you feel that she is still emotionally connected -- be it a "dependency" on him or whatever -- be careful. I'm not saying don't see her...but I would do my best to proceed with things VERY slowly. If the situation is problematic while dating, marriage will not diminish that...in fact, it may well intensify things. I agree with you that the "relationship and communication should only be about the children". Anything beyond that is clearly a problem. If she does not see that, then perhaps she is not ready to fully let go and move on with her life. Forget about being "noble and understanding" (thereby 'looking the other way')...if your relationship is suffering from outside interference, then it will never change unless she takes steps to make it change. The issue isn't just about "trusting her"...its about you having to deal with outside interference in your marriage for the rest of your life. I wish you well.
2006-09-06 08:27:36 · answer #2 · answered by Seven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to attend a parenting class for recently divorced parents. They make you take it out here when children are involved. Communication btween the two of them should be limited to questions/answers about the children. Anything more than that is stepping into personal territories which can lead to misconception on either one of the adults or the children's part. It is not healthy for the children.They need to know that mom and dad will no longer be living together but that each parent loves them very much. Nothing negative should be said in front of the children about either parent. the children should never be used as messengers from one parent to the other. Any things needing to be taken care of by the adults, i.e. visitation, child support, etc. should be handled between the adults and the children need never know if the absentee parent is paying child support like they should or not. It leads to the child feeling like all he/she is is a dollar sign. Other than that be respectful to her and her children. Let her know how you really feel and why you feel that way.If you are meant to be together then she will understand your point of view and try to break all ties but the children with the ex.
2006-09-06 08:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can love or be in-love!
my mom had the same problem, my dad was in and out of jail through out my entire life time, after so long she moved on with her life and found a partner. Knowing that my dad need her help, she never refused help to him because she felt that at one point she did love this person and not only was he her husband but no matter what he will always be the father of her children(meaning me) I dont think i would have forgive her if she didnt help him......
Now you should be honest with her and explain how you fell.
dont come in to strong she might think you want to ask her to stop helping him and that might cause problems..
Just explain how you feel in a calm respecful way..
2006-09-06 08:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by breaes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some lonely people can be really weak and short sighted. Fooling themselves. Instant gratification at the expense of long term pain which hurts many people, manifests in many situations. This is one of them. One of the worst. It's like crack for lonely horny people. I'm proud to say I never have nor would I ever do that to my family, or to someone else's family.
2016-03-27 00:29:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better get is sorted out. If your jealous of their relationship it will always be a problem and she will always have a relationship with him. He is the kids father and that is how it should be.
You can't tell her she can't have that. It just won't work and you will lose. That is also how it should be. Her kids should come first, period.
The rest of the details are excuses you're using to justify your position.
2006-09-06 08:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by icetender 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not comfortable with the situation you should tell her how you feel and then leave.
2006-09-06 08:17:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, want to be my helper, then lose the loser in Jail and get on with her life. This sounds like she is still his helper, not yours.
2006-09-06 08:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋