Etiquette for atheists?

Question

I recently went to a wedding reception where a christian prayer was said during the dinner. My main dude and I are both atheists and he is definitelty anti-christian. Imagine my dismany when I saw him do the sign o' the cross. I asked him why he did it, and he said it was only to appease the other people at the wedding.

So, do you think that atheists and other non-religious types should play along in these situations? Or is it better to do nothing at all (which is what I did)?

Mmmmmm, I love the eucharist. I'd like a bag to snack on while I'm watching the flicks...I'd also like a chalice.

Ha ha, my secondary-dude days are over. Aliteration!

Answer 1

I think it is better to do nothing at all... but I don't really see anything wrong with playing along, either. After all... you don't need to worry about offending your god... do you? I have done both... it varies, depending on the circumstances. For example, during my mother's funeral service (Catholic), I stood, knelt and sat at all the appropriate places, but I did not do the sign of the cross, and I refused communion when offered. During last rights for my mom, though, I recited the prayer along with the priest, and made the sign of the cross, etc... because I knew it would mean a lot to my mom, even though it meant nothing to me.

I have been in other services where I have done nothing more than sit quietly.

It's arm waving and abracadabra stuff. It's really about your relationship with the people you're with, more than anything else... and your respect for them.

Answer 2

I play the games sometimes. As long as they don't do more than make me bow my head and be silent while they pray I do not mind. I wouldn't want to upset anyone on their wedding day.
Then again I have no idea what the sign of the cross is. The catholic thing I assume? I wouldn't go that far unless I was trying it for fun.

I noticed you had some questions in a Satanism thread on here. The Satanic bible is more like a set of rules that admittedly do not come from a deity. It is atheism that has a name with a small shroud of deception which is meant to upset the religious. Wiki it if you want the long answer. It is harmless.

Answer 3

I think it all depends on the situation and the people you are with. If it's someone you care about, I might go through the motions as far as standing when everyone else stands, etc. I would never make the sign of the cross, bow my head in prayer, take communion or any of that jazz. Just do enough that you don't offend your host(ess), and that's it.
I have issues with this all the time. My father-in-law is a devout lutheran, and we clash constantly. I go along with his rituals to avoid a conflict, as long as we are in his house; in my house, he plays by my rules.
Being in the military, it is especially difficult, since there is a prayer incorporated into every military ceremony. Since we have to show respect to the chaplain (because he is an officer) everyone has to go through the motions of bowing their heads and clasping their hands. It eats me every time; you don't have to be a christian to be a patriot.

Answer 4

Hi,
I'm no expert on etiquette. However in my opinion I wouldn't go along with an "atheist's" gesturing (if there were such a thing?). Doing so would deny my faith.

Just to clarify something, the sign of the cross is a Catholic tradition and not something that evangelical Christians would do. There is a difference between what the Catholic church believes and teaches and Christianity. Christianity is a relationship with Jesus Christ. So is your friend anti- catholic as well as anti-Christian?

Well thanks for asking. Hope this helps. Take care.

Answer 5

I don't know about play along, but at least respect the religious traditions of others. Same goes for anyone in a similar situation that just follows a different religion.

The problem with "playing along" is that some people, who know your views, could see this as mocking their religion (if they are touchy about these things). I am a wedding DJ and an agnostic. I am often in the situation of being near the preist/rabbi/pastor/etc. during the dinner prayer and I just bow my head solemnly, rather than anything else.

Answer 6

I think that those things are done in favour of the other people. I mean, if you're invited to a religious wedding, that's because the people who invited you care for you. So, it doesn't actually hurt you to do some of the things that other guests are doing. I believe you aren't converted only for observing some of the rituals of a faith. And you can, as you say "appease the other people at the wedding". When I was in a Jewish wedding, I was invited to wear a special hat (sorry that I don't remember the name) that men wear in those situations. Knowing I am not Jewish, they gave me the choice to refuse, but I wore it as an indication of my respect an appreciation to the bride and groom.

And mind you, I am most definitely not a believer...

BTW, your "main dude"? That's a good way to put it. Have you got secondary dudes? :-)

Answer 7

I went to a funeral for a friends' brother. They were Episcapalion. At the prayer I did nothing. I showed respect by being quiet. If anyone had said anything, 1.) it shouldn't be bothering them that much, after all, they're suppsed to be there for someone else, and 2.) they need to learn respect for others. Besides, half the people there probably didn't even notice since their attention was elsewhere.

Answer 8

I've been to Catholic weddings, and had several dinners with Catholics who pray at the table. I respect thier rituals because I respect the people I am with, but that is as far as I go. Especially since they are not my beliefs. At a church, I stand when they stand and sit when they sit, but I don't kneel and I don't chant the prayers. At a dinner I would observe the prayer with a moment of silence, but that is it. I would never do the sign of the cross, or take the holy water at the entrance.

Answer 9

You should "play" along as long as what you are participating in doesn't make you conflict with your beliefs. The saying when in Rome do as the Romans do comes to mind. But, only what you feel is respectable and agreeable to your beliefs. As a Christian I wouldn't be offended by your lack of participation. However, I feel you shouldn't be offended by my participation. If we went to dinner together I might ask if we could pray before the meal you could state that you'd rather not but give me permission to go ahead and I'd pray silently. Or you could simply say go ahead and then just listen. Either way your not being forced to participate but also showing respect for my beliefs. Saying no you don't want to pray and don't want me to pray either would be offensive. Consideration, cooperation and compromising in a way the appeases both parties. Now if we could just teach our world leaders these concepts.

Answer 10

Yeah, I bet there's a lot of closeted atheists/agnostics going through the motions out there, due to pressure to fit in to their profession circles, family life or social circle. Every time I see stats on religious demographics in the U.S., I wonder how accurate it really is.

I think if you strongly believe in your beliefs (or lack of) you should stand tall and snub your nose at convention, if people don't like it, too bad. Freedom of Religion should also mean Freedom FROM Religion.