My daughter's father hasn't hardly seen her in 9 yrs, can I legally get his rights terminated?

Question

He has maybe seen her 30 times in 9 years and maybe has called about 50 times. He doesn't even remember her bdays and holidays. He will call her and promise a get together but never follows through, it's destroying her and I am worried about her. I would like to see if by law his rights could be terminated. Is this possible?

Answer 1

Yes you can. Document all this with dates if you can (also is he paying child support? Because he should be!) and get a lawyer!

Answer 2

Not unless he has some criminal history or activity. I am very sorry about this. Some fathers are very irresponsible. Don't even consider him a father, just call him a sperm donor. Give your daughter as much love as you can. I know she is hurting about this, but what to do? Why don't you talk to a counselor about this situation. There are some free services that can help you if you don't make much money. If you do make a lot of money, you can still get her a counselor to help her with these issues. Having an abandoned father is a terrible thing, but in the long run, with counseling and love, she will be able to face life a whole lot easier and be the smarter for it.

Answer 3

If he's paying child support then, it's not likely. You can go to court and legally get his rights terminated if he hasn't paid child support...and try even if he is. Does your daughter know this is just the way he is? Do you have a husband? If you do, he could adopt her. It's really not up to you if your daughter still wants to be involved with her father. If you terminate his rights then she might resent you later on. Best of Luck!

Answer 4

Yes, u can legally get his rights as a father terminated. He can do it willingly or if he refuses, you may have to prove that he abuses and/ or neglects her. You can also take him fo child support and get full custody of her. But beware, if you marry and your new husband adopts her, then child support stops. I wanted to kno the same thing, so I did reasearch. Try finding information about that on the web. You'll be surprised at how much info you come up with. Good luck!

Answer 5

This may be a stupid question but what rights is he breaking. What is he suppose to be doing besides perhaps paying support? It is up to you as a parent to explain to your daughter that her father does not do as he says. You cannot make him visit or call her. I think it better that she realize that he is very lacking and not expect that he do what he says and it won't be as hard on her. Why would you go to the expense of changing anything? It would not make a difference in what he does that you cannot control anyway.

Answer 6

I realize that this may seem like the thing to do, but do you think that maybe when she is older things could change or she could end up unhappy with you for doing it? How does she feel about him? If she does not want to see him, then that should be her choice for her to make, but for it to be left as she cannot see him and he cannot see her, it may create more problems in the future between you and them.

Answer 7

To terminate his rights you would have to prove that he is either abusive, neglects her, or is an unfit parent. It can be done but it is hard. Your best bet would be to call him and ask if he will terminate his rights voluntarily--that also releases his responsibility to pay any child support.

Answer 8

I'm not sure that terminating his rights would make it any easier for your daugther. He'll always be her father whether he has any rights or responsibilities to her or not.

You might consider putting her in counseling to help her deal with his neglect.

Answer 9

Let me tell a true story about a woman. If I tell the same story about a man, in our sexist society, no one here will understand it.

I worked for some years back in Iowa with Marilyn. She had been raised in a local orphanage, starting in the late 30's, when she was born. Her parents weren't unfit as such, but they had divorced in hard times and neither could support two kids. Several times when her dad had enough money, he would take the kids for some months, then put them back in. He did come from time to time to visit them, but she noticed that her mother virtually never came to see them. So, as many kids do, she concluded her mom did not love her and her brother.

I was rather well known for my work with divorced fathers, and noncustodial mothers when they asked for help.

So, one day, she told me her thoughts about her mother. She added her mother had kept a diary, and when the mother died, it went to Marilyn. But, it was in shorthand so Marilyn could not read it. She said she had often wondered if there were a way to get someone to transcribe it for you.

Well, I had a sister who knows shorthand. So, I made arrangements for my sister to do the job, for a relatively modest amount of money.

To Marilyn's horror, the diary told mostly of the kids, and how horrible it was to see them go to the orphanage. Her mom wrote how many times she wanted to visit her kids, and it was so hard on her emotionally, she never got it done.

Once, I remember, the mom got ready and started the 25 mile trip, and broke down and had to turn back. But, more often she would plan it way ahead and as the time approached, she would fall apart, and couldn't do it.

All those years, that poor (and I mean that more than one way) mom cried and cried for her children, and couldn't even manage to go visit them because of the pain of not being able to have them with her. And, all those years, Marilyn believed her mom was totally uncaring. A great tragedy to me, because as a divorced father I well know that exact pain.

I counseled over 1,600 divorced fathers and a few noncustodial mothers in the mid-80's to early 90's. A common sexist lie is that divorced fathers don't want to see their kids. I bet most of you here believe that just as you also believe a lot of other hoaxes.

I only ever met one father who didn't want to see his kid, and after I found out what she was like, I sure didn't want to meet her either!

Most men reported feelings very similar to mine. I have walked the streets of Mexico City, and avoided at least five robbery attempts before Fox sent in the military in 1999 to clean up the streets. I have survived a tornado and various earthquakes. In the military, we had to train in the dark crawling under live machine gun fire.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life was to see my kids after a long absence.

I wish I could explain it better, but I'm not sure women in a sexist culture like ours have the compassion for men to grasp it no matter how I explain it. But, as I showed, moms have the same problem.

If you have enough money, you might get his rights terminated. But, if he is paying child support and has contacted her by your own admission 80 times in 9 years. It will take a real special judge to terminate his parental rights forever.

If you really care for your daughter, you will first try to understand why a man who wants to see his kids simply can't do it.

Second, you would try to explain to your daughter that dad's seem to be so big and strong, but actually are very emotionally weak, and make her understand why he can't handle the visits, that it is hard for a parent to be away from their child and then come to see them. Third, you can try to encourage him, instead of the usual ex-wife criticisms, threats, and insults.

That is what you would do if you really care for your daughter. What you will do is continue your plan to destroy him, as women normally do when men don't comply with their every desire.


Shucks, 9 year old kids are smart enough. Print this answer out, cut off the bottom where I start criticizing you, and let her read it, and tell it I explained why her dad can't emotionally come to visit her. If you haven't totally poisioned her against him, she will understand at that age, maybe better than you do. Seriously.

Answer 10

Yes. See a lawyer - but talk to your daughter about it FIRST. Then if she agrees, prevent him from being able to contact her to stir up anymore emotional problems.