Why does my husband get bashed for wanting to stay at home?

Question

I have a baby daughter, I am 25 my hubby is 29. I am an attoney who makes good money to support a family plus we have a lot saved, my husband wants to stay home and take care of our 3 month old daughter. He has his degree in interior design, so he is redoing our new house, and is doing a lot of handywork around as well and always cooks dinner for me because I work long hours. He has already made it at at his young age at buying and selling in international real estate. My husband gets bashed people in our community for wanting to stay at home with our three month old, and I get bashed for not wanting to stay home myself. He is a very good father, and a very sweet man. Why dosn't a man who wants to stay at home, and spend his time whole taking care of a baby get any respect? I think this is totally sad.

Answer 1

I don't know him but he has my respect for being a great husband and father and you have my respect for being a great wife and mother. You are both doing what is right for you. But all that really matters is that he has your respect and he will have the respect of your daughter too. No one elses opinions matter when it comes to what is best for your family.

Answer 2

It is sad. But it is not only men who get bashed for this. If you work as a mom, then someone is asking "why aren't you staying home with your child?"

If you stay at home then people will say things like "Don't you get bored just sitting around the house all day?" or "When are you going to put that child in daycare, doesn't she need socialization?" (As if I sit at all! And there is barely a day that goes by that Maya isn't with other children!)

The point is, I think that it is wonderful that your husband is willing to stay home with your child so that you can continue your career! Don't listen to anyone says. You and your husband know what is right for your family, and no matter what anyone says, a 3 month old needs constant one on one care from someone who loves them. Weather it is the mother or the father doesn't matter. I imagine that your little girl is going to grow up a strong, independent Daddy's girl. It will do a lot for a young girl to see her mother succeed in business, and still getting that stay at home parent.

Answer 3

I'm a stay-at-home-dad myself. I have been lucky and haven't gotten bashed too much. Some people have expressed some opinions, but nothing too bad.

When people do say negative things, I think they are just projecting feelings about their own role as a parent or child in their lives. Bashing good dads is their way of soothing the discomfort of their own psychological issues.

The only thing that a mother can do that a father can't is breastfeeding. And if formula is involved, then there's no difference in general.

Answer 4

My father was a stay-at-home dad and I loved it. My mother enjoyed working out of the house and my father preferred to take care of my brother and I. It worked for them, so that's all that mattered. Sure my dad got teased here and there, but he was being teased by those that didn't have the opportunity to stay home like he did. Just like any other different thing in society, it's looked down on. Not because it's wrong, only because it's different. If this is something you both want to do. Go for it. Please don't let others get to you. Don't let them tell you how you should raise your child.

Answer 5

It is very sad that the man you love is getting bashed for wanting to care for his child. It's also sad if anybody puts you down for wanting to return to work. Quite simply, I say screw them! You guys know what works best for your situation. So do what suits you and ignore the rest!
The only thing I can think of is that some people get uncomfortable when people step out of their traditional "box". Some in some people's eyes, you guys are doing a role reversal. Lots of "traditionalist" have a problem with it because 1 - the rely on people telling them what to do & you're shaking up the rules tht they "know". 2- it makes them uncomfortable for whatever reason. Lots of people, when uncomfortable, say rude or mean things because that's the only way to deal with their uncomfortableness.

Good luck to you all and I hope you can surround your family with supporting people and not all the haters.
Depending on your town, you may have a "stay at home" dads group in your area. You can research it online and your spouse may find great freinds & support in that group. If there isn't one, I suggest he explore starting one. I bet there are lots of dad's like him who'd benefit from a support group (plus, the kids can have play dates, too).

Answer 6

Well to answer your question, he gets bashed because in history, the man has been the provider, while the woman has been the nurturer and no one wants to accept change.

I, however, think it's wonderful. I love to see Dad's out with their children.

I say, tell people in your community to shove it. Your husband is doing a wonderful thing, and he's going to know more about your children than any other dad could ever dream of.

Answer 7

Yay for your husband! I think it's fantastic that he is an
"at home" dad. Ignore the bashers. They are closed minded and jealous that your household is supported generously by one income.
I'm sorry that you live in such an unevolved community.
I work part time in a preschool and we love the stay at home dads. Why? They are more consistent with drop off/pick up times and stay longer to help in the classroom. I know it sounds sexist but it is just an observation from my interactions with dads at preschool.

Answer 8

Tell your hubby to blow them of i wish there were more men in this world like that belive me if i could find a job where i made enough money to support my family i would let my hubby stay home and he would love it too. There is always a double standerd no matter what you do and if you all are happy the way you are tell everyone else to blow themselves;)

Answer 9

That good that's he so willing to do what it takes to care for his family. Don't mind sallow minded people. The world is so uses to men going out and being the breadwinner that they don't know how to deal with a real man that is will to sacifies. My husband did the same with or first child.

Answer 10

if this arrangement is working nice for u why do u worry about others ?had u left your job & stayed at home to look after your baby the same people would have said " what a husband ? can't he help his wife. poor girl she had to leave her job to look after the baby ."so, don' worry about what other people say. if both of u r happy that is it. enjoy your life. by the way my congratulations to u for having such an understanding & darling husband. may god bless you & your family.