My two friends have known each other since late 2002. She is 29 and he is 20. They would do friend stuff like hang out at game shops,anime club,other places,talk about anything and everything on there minds,even share what would be bothering them at the time. After holiday weekend (12/26/05) that all changed,he'd stop e-mailing,IMing,calling on the phone,hanging out,etc. She didn't know why this happened to her,it didn't happen to me or anyone else both of them knew. I do know that those kind of actions,hurt her (still do) deeply inside. He never gave a reason why he was doing that to her.
Around April of this year,she offered a carpool to her friends to a regional up in MN. He aggreed to it,but then less than a week later he told another friend (behind her back) that he wasn't going to be carpooling with her but taking his car instead. When she heard that it hurt her deeply he said,did this without talking about to her in person.
2006-09-06 06:32:38 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
About a few days later at another friend's house,he had said in front of everyone (when he was leaving for the night due to class the next day) wasn't going up to regionals in MN. She just snapped by yelling at him that he was lying about not going. Then she relized what she said,how she reacted angerly,even through she was mostly hurt by this. She was trying to do something nice and thought that he was rejecting her more,after many months of no-communication between them both (not happening to anyone else),was missing his company,presance,etc. She broke down,was crying in front of him and the other two people in the room,due to the embrassement and ashame of raising her voice when she was hurt.
The beginning of May she and he were at the game shop,helping run a tournament. After the tournament was done,she thought it would be good to explain why she was hurt,afraid that she was losing his friendship.
2006-09-06 06:33:05 · update #1
She and he were talking,she was afraid and nervious (from what she and he told me)to speak. He was comforting her by hugging and holding hands with her. She asked him if it was okay,he didn't object and said it was okay. She said that she was afraid of losing him as a friend,wanted to know why he was distant with her. After many moments of talking there was silence,she was overwhelemed with emotion she nuzzled his cheek (in a non-threatening manner,she has done this with me and I was fine with it).
He on the other hand took it as her hitting on him. She shen sensed his reaction,she backed away and went home. That evening she called me crying,of how embrassed she felt,how she made him feel uncomfortable (with something she thought she was being non-threatening with).
2006-09-06 06:33:29 · update #2
He'd became more distant with her by not speaking to her. She didn't take to this well at all,became very quiet and withdrawn with me and anyone else. A month passed of them not speaking to one another (both of them being afraid to talk). Both of them one day were at another game shop,playing leasiure games of TCG we all play. I had to leave,asked him if he was able to take her back to were she needed to go. He said yes he was able to,that it was okay. I can tell that she was nervous that evening,she wanted to get something off her chest that was plaguing her mind.
On the way back to where she needed to go at,the two were speaking to each other about why she acted the way she did in April and the month after. She wanted to clear up any misunderstanding about the nuzzling,hugging.
He held her hand,as she spoke about why and how she didn't want to feel what she was feeling,was afraid to speak about it to him or let him know about her therory why she reacted the way she did.
2006-09-06 06:33:54 · update #3
She'd ask him if it was okay,to hold hands and to speak. He never objected and said it was okay,while he was rubbing her hang with his thumb. She was all choked up (fighting not telling him that she has some feelings for him,that she missed his friendship and company),all she said "yes I might have some feelings that's why I reacted the way I did". He grew quiet,she was getting more afraid of his silence again. Then he said to her in the car "yeah I kind of knew...from what you did last month...",then he appolized to her and said that she beytrayed his trust,that it was going to be a long time until he can trust her and he needed space. She just fell inside,cried and said quitely that she'd do what she was just told and she needed time,didn't want to upset him.
He tired to explain things,but she was upset with hurt,thinks it will be perminately him doing that. Before he can say thing else,she left the car in tears.
2006-09-06 06:34:22 · update #4
When she got home,she told me what happened. After I spoke with her,he then called me about what happened,that he told his Step-Mom what happened,she told him not to speak to his friend for a while (her,not me). I didn't know what to say to either one of them at the time,I just listened.
For the past 4 months now,he hasn't been much himself and burying himself more into his work and schooling,hanging out with more people,just to advoid her. I've seen him do anyting,everything to advoid being around her. She has been torn up by this and his reactions since then,she hasn't been sleeping well,doing hurtful things towards herself. IE: Almost killing herself by throwing herself out of a car,not eatting much at all. I know because someone else that I know that knows her told me this.
I hate seeing both of them like this,I know they both want to talk things out but both of them are afraid to.
2006-09-06 06:34:47 · update #5
But I do know that it's not fair to her,by being away from the game shops (that I know she goes to so she is not bored,lonely,she has Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder),for 3 months and being accross the street,just so she doesn't upset him. At the same token,he should have communicated to her months ago before all this happened,why he wasn't being communicative,that it wasn't because of her. It didn't help that his Step-Mom told him not to speak to his friend,that just insured to her in her mind that he hated her that this was going to be more preminate. If he had done that,maybe things wouldn't have gotten worse. I know both of them want to speak to each other,are missing each others company,etc.
How do I help my two friends to repair there friendship that is now strained ? How do I get them to sit down to try to speak to one another.
2006-09-06 06:35:11 · update #6
Additional detail: My female friend is going to therapy for her depression and bpd,is taking anti-depressants. My male friend not sure about,I understand he goes to school at MMI and works Mon/Thur/Fri/Sat/Sun. He is buring himself more into his job,thinks that she was making a pass or move on him. Neither one of them is speaking to each other as I've said,I can tell this complete misunderstanding,that needs to be worked out. They are both my friends,I can see how this is hurtting them both not speaking to one another. I feel helpless seeing them both like this. They arn't living at all,it's like they are both dying in someway or another.
2006-09-06 07:08:37 · update #7
i know your trying to help but it's best to stay out of it!
or invite them over and hang out and let them lash it out infront of you as a mentor!
But with stuff like this for your self stay out of it
Trust me lost lots of friends that way!
2006-09-06 06:36:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has gone far enough. If she is hurting herself she needs to see a therapist PRONTO. This is not something a well meaning friend can help with any longer, except to tell her honestly that she is frightening you and you want to help her get into therapy RIGHT NOW. Make it sound like a favor to you that she goes - she may not have enough self esteem right now to think she deserves the help.
Whatever you do don't encourage her to talk to this guy anymore. Everything that's happened between them seems to be making things worse. Let her get some therapy under her belt and let the professional make the call as to whether it would be healthy for her to see him ever again.
2006-09-06 06:40:51 · answer #2 · answered by Queen of Cards 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just being a guy and not seeing that she's reaching out to him - thinking that she's being clingy or smothering or something.
Has he got a gf different to this girl?
Is this entirely your business?
2006-09-06 06:35:44 · answer #3 · answered by Orinoco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
repair?...just give him a place...
2006-09-06 06:35:27 · answer #4 · answered by Max 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋