Growing up with my father was very stressful. He was very strict and not always friendly. It was either up or down with me. He convinced my mother who would never speak out to him that I was having sex and other things when I wasn’t and they continued to look at me in this light for years. He refused to help pay for college and tried to kick me out several times before I was 18. Our last disagreement was when I realized I was too old to deal with this and I didn’t have to anymore so I stopped talking to him. He told my mother, sister, and brother that they weren’t allowed to talk to me and they listened for awhile and then eventually started talking to me. It’s been 3 years and I half-heartedly attempted to reconcile but I could tell by his tone that he was not interested at all. Because of this, my mother and I barely talk unless I call her. She thinks I should try to fix things with him and my sister and I have an up and down relationship. She was “Daddy’s little girl”. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want another Holiday to go by without seeing my family but I wonder if things are too damaged to fix alone….help.
2006-09-06 06:24:05 · 11 answers · asked by Rainey 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That's a really hard situation. It sounds kind of like you are the one member of the family that hasn't fallen under your father's domination. He's not going to change. What he wants is submission. And it sounds like you've got more self-respect than that.
In a way, you're lucky that you have the constitution you do. But if the rest of your family is under his control, I know it's got to be painful to be separated from them.
I think you need to build your life without them but let them know your door is open to them. When you have your own life going well and you stay in touch as much as you can without breaking your own heart, I bet your brother and sister will come to you.
2006-09-06 07:55:40 · answer #1 · answered by beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG NO! Babies do not fix relationships, they only create new and different problems. First you have to ask yourself "Does a baby DESERVE to be brought into such a tumultuous relationship?" Second, you need to ask yourself if you would be better off with a cat to cuddle you and a pron magazine to comfort you because that's all that she's giving you. If you are not emotionally satisfied, a baby isn't going to fix it. You feel like she has no interest in you now, wait until she is pregnant and the baby comes along. She will be repulsed by you by the third trimester because she blames you for her pain. Then you will be competing with A BABY for her attention. A child is not a frivolous thing you can just "buy or rent for her" like a movie. It's a responsibility. Even if you end up marrying her, you will likely get divorced because you will both be unsatisfied and then you are left to fight over A CHILD ANOTHER LIVING HUMAN BEING! You are already worried about finances, and a baby is a big expense. It's 18 plus years of dedication. Also, it is often hard for a person in a relationship to see when it is unhealthy. If all of your friends and family feel this way, then they probably aren't wrong. It's natural for your mom to hate her, but your whole family is ridiculous. Just from what you wrote, I can tell you that you are NOT in a healthy relationship because you are giving and she is not reciprocating. That can only last for so long.
2016-03-17 09:13:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to work on the relationship with your family, but don't expect too much too fast. These things often take some time, especially when your dealing with a father who is possibly prideful and stubborn. You might try to get the ball rolling by inviting your Dad, Mom or both to lunch to talk things over. Be respectful (even if your not the one at fault) and let them know you would like to be part of their lives. Then, hopefully, your father will soften. Hang in there and good luck.
2006-09-06 06:40:31 · answer #3 · answered by tnmtngirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's a reason for everything.. im not saying ur a bad daughter.. and maybe u didnt really have sex and all those things.. but there MUST be a reason, even if its buried deep inside him and u dont know what it it.. try to find out and start from there..
ask urself, has he always been that way to u? what abt when u were a kid? i mean like 6 or something.. in ur pics, does he hold u and love u like a parent should? when did this gap start?
start from there and try to fix THIS issue in particular
best of luck!
2006-09-06 07:17:49 · answer #4 · answered by Stratomanssy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone needs to step up to the plate and think about what it is that bothers him about you. Ask him, what have I done to create the ill feelings you have towards me? Take him out to a restaurant and discuss it with him one on one. You and he need to do this. If he's unable to, then you take the first step. Some people, like my father, are not emotionally mature enough to understand their feelings, or to correct broken relationships. Keep trying, young lady. Just keep trying.
2006-09-06 06:31:45 · answer #5 · answered by Amy P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok u have two ways of looking at this. 1. u can fix the problem and say u r sorry and things could change or not. i believe that they won't change, but u also have the ability to let in go in one ear and out the other. the reason i say i don't think they will change is b/c once someone reaches a age its hard for them to break how they r. and to me your dad feels like it u not him. 2. in this world u have to look at for u and only u. there is no one that is going to do that for u, but u. so u can try to make this work and then when it doesn't work out u can go thru all that heart-ach again. so to rape all this up u r in a lose-lose area. best of luck to u!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-06 06:31:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, my parents are difficult too...the thing is i have fleti had to confront them. For years i have suffered from emotional problems but there opinions about my health flood my mind and then i feel that i am wrong. I am lying to myself and that i am selfish. They tell me these things at times. I don't think that they want to change our relationship and counsleing is a joke to even mention with them. I would have to have a gun to my head for them to consider it. I want to change how they feel about me soo much! I want them to love me and care for me. I don't want to realize that they mikght not feel the same way...or that even though they say they love me they might not know anymore what love is. I tired desperately for while to get them to listen to me on how i feel about how they rasied me but i must have been to hostile in that respect. I want you to know that for me it hurts so bad...they to this day want to 'control' me. I felt so bad for going aginst there wishes...and seeing a counselor when they made me feel that i was just making things up. Anyway....some advice is to confront them through a letter...or in person with a trusted friend if you can't do it alone. Try counseling if they will go. You might be luckier then me. My family seems cold and apart.
2006-09-06 06:37:49 · answer #7 · answered by darkmatter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To fix the problem you need to find out what the problem is. You are going to have to confront someone and get the issues out on the table. It may not work out the way you want, but right now what have you got to lose?
2006-09-06 06:30:46 · answer #8 · answered by voandginger 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think you should go see ur mom and dad. i hadnt seen or spoken to my father since i was 15. im 31. he was killed feb. 26 of this year. i never got the chance to make things right. i hope you can!
2006-09-06 06:31:28 · answer #9 · answered by ladielez73580 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
30 years of not talking to each other will only be 30 years wasted.
Get counseling--family counseling
2006-09-06 06:26:57 · answer #10 · answered by Weatherman 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋