I have been living with my pakistani man for 2 months. he has been stressing me out. he wants me to work full time, care for our 3 kids, clean our large house everyday, do laundry, and cook twice an evening, once for the kids at 6:30pm then for him at 11:00 pm. i am overwelmed and tired. i can't sleep or rest. if i slack off by not moping one day or cleaning the bathroom he has so many excuses. i can't deal with it. Also he will curse at me and not allow my friend to come over, or for me to go out with them. also he don't talk to me and makes me like his slave. what's up with these guys. i think it is about them only. then after all i do, he is still finding things that i haven't done. what can i do to change this man and make him understand that i work full time, plus attend to him and my 3 kids, clean, and etc.. iam going crazy.. thanks.
2006-09-06 06:21:03 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he's muslim then you have to understand the way he thinks about women in general. I feel bad for you and advise you to seek counseling. You need to stand on your own two feet and make things happen for yourself. Be a strong woman, don't show signs of weakness. If he becomes violent, call the cops.
2006-09-06 06:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by Amy P 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Are you living in USA? Put your foot down. If he acts up some more, divorce him!
I do understand the controlling part a little, my husband is controlling and sometimes I have to put my foot down. Guys do get that way easily. At first they tell you can do anything you want.. then a little at a time they take away our privilages. You feel taken advantage of and wish that they would just up and leave. You look at your expenses and think about how you could make it on your own.. but, you stay anyways...for the kids. I would advise women to not get married because it is a long road of fighting to not being controlled or takin advantage of. Just try to be positive. When he is a jerk, just imagine how happy you will be when he has a heart attack.
2006-09-06 13:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by missy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW I feel sorry for you thats alot to handle I hope he is also helping you too. Unfortunately you can't change him and if you try you will go crazy. It sounds like he is very controlling and he is getting he's way, so stop you can only do what your able to and if you don't express this to him you'll be the one hurting yourself. I'm a bit confused you say you have 3 kids but just moved in with him 2 months ago,If he just got into the picture you can get him out of the picture if he doesn't straighten out (the american way).
2006-09-06 13:31:07 · answer #3 · answered by tangelize 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one you cant change a person, they have to, because it is what they want. Number two if he cant see what you do then he is not very appreciative and is only out for himself, Number three if the only reason he has you there for is to cook ,clean, work ,take care of kids, and him not to talk to you, then what are you diong there.Sounds like he does only want a slave and sex cannot be that good without all the other qualities. You need to move and find a man that does appreciate you for all you do.
2006-09-06 13:30:58 · answer #4 · answered by cricket 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you should have thought about having kids with a man like this!! Not all, but the majority of mid-eastern men have very strong opinions on gender roles. If you wanted equality, you should have picked a different man. If you have family you can live with, get the heck out of there!
2006-09-06 13:24:26 · answer #5 · answered by Nunya 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him...Period - End of problem....He sounds like a majorly insensitive douch bag who needs to get out of the dark ages and start taking on some of the responsibility. He's not in Pakistan and that kind of treatment is b.s. I am definitely not some crazy feminist AT ALL, but I don't believe that he is considering your feelings and demeaning you like that is unacceptable. I'd rather be alone than be with someone like that!
2006-09-06 13:25:13 · answer #6 · answered by Brea1243 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm....very scary,, obviously there are potential cultural differences, this man has a preconcieved notion of a woman's role in society and a relationship. sounds like you dont share this view, hence, although setting limits or ending it is very difficult, you've also descrived emotional/verbal abuse towards you. that is how abuse begins, the red flags are before you, be careful, and remember you don't want this kind of role model for you three children right? i wish you well, professional counseling or women's support groups online or through your county or residence can help you get the courage and confidence to make a healthy decision before things get more dangerous for you.
2006-09-06 13:24:56 · answer #7 · answered by kim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you this, but there is no way a man like that is going to change, no matter what you do (believe me, I know). The best thing for you to do is leave him, and forget him. He'll beg you to come back, saying that he'll change (and you can try it, maybe once), but don't keep going back to him. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth.
2006-09-06 13:33:07 · answer #8 · answered by Verna T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me tell you something you are srong person for working two jobs and taling care of your kids alot of mom cant do that but my advice for this situation is to leave him controlling men dont change because thats what they're use to please listen to me you need to dont something if not go to marriage counseling . if you dont do something he's going to get more controlling and may hit you or your kids god knows! the way that your strong in multitasking bouncing a job and taking care of your kids i know you can stand up and speak up. good luck
2006-09-06 13:27:48 · answer #9 · answered by labonitameli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow.. I would get rid of him! Chances are tho he won't let you go.. if he is controling that much he would probably hurt you or the kids.. I say tell him it ends and is 50/50 or you and the kids are gone! If he hurts you, more of a reason to get your kids the hell out of there!! Evidently he doesn't love you he is using you for his slave.. and your dumb enough to let him keep trating you like that.. like Dr Phil says you teach ppl how to treat you... and your letting him.... STOP IT.. stop letting him abuse you and your children!
2006-09-06 13:26:58 · answer #10 · answered by nknicolek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have realized that, sorry, you cant change a man especially a middle eastern one. They treat women like sh*t and it will never change. But I think you already know that buy now. LEAVE HIM! Quit fooling yourself, you are an adult aren't you?
2006-09-06 13:30:08 · answer #11 · answered by lizzy*lou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋