What do I say to my child? Serious only please.?

Question

Parents please, what do I tell my child?
My child is a teenager with moderate cognitive delay. (Mental Retardation) He always wants to know what is wrong I keep telling him everyone is different. It is so difficult because he looks "normal". but after talking to him you understand why he is in a special class, I am told that he will never be on his own.
He wants to be like other kids. He talks about driving, girls, working, reading, I am an educated person. I am not dealing with this and I do not know what to tell him. Especially when the word retard is sp prevelant. He even has a personal care aid at home. He rebells and says "I can do that "then he just stands there and he is not doing it.
I have looked on-line read books for many years. I need some advice. I can not put it off. HE IS JUST above the range where he is happily unaware. He is aware but ......can you please??

Additional Details

3 hours ago
he is painfully aware

Answer 1

Really sorry.
Try telling him the truth in a very gentle manner and frame it in this perspective:

Some people can't do things others can
Some people learn later than others

Point to his progresses and praise him over it.

When he get's impatient, just gently tell him he's not ready yet.

Most of all, instill the belief that his value comes from being a child of God. God made him and loves him no less than anyone else. God values him because of who he is, not what he can do and you feel the same.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

i have a child who has some special needs. He is highly functional atltisum.. with sensory issues. He is 9 and cries alot due to his nervous system being overloaded. . He is in regular school . so the kids and teachers dont always get what his issues are. I told him he has a form of altisum .. and he cried but didnt understand all the stuff i said. so I actaully gave him something the doctor wrote and read it to him. This explained some symptoms. But THIS is differnt for you I realize that ... Sometimes telling the child they have a problem is good.. But sometimes they dont always understand the words you mean. Can you tell him that you looked into him driving and it costs more money than you have. You are going to have to have an answer for every question.... as to why he cant do these things.. like why cant I drive ? Well the insurance is really high .. He may find a mate you never know...( I guess that your being bugged to death .. He may be able to work ... In florida Publix and goodwill help kids to work reguardless of their problems. They are bag boys helping with groceries. Good will they do all kinds of stuff and some get paid there was a great pbs show on this boy who has downs. It showed the boys life . He worked sorting something . But it was sad and funny. I cant think of the name of the documentary. ..you can explain the limits but will your son understand.. Depending on what he can do mabey he can have a life ajusted to him . You may have to explain each thing he wants to do away,. But he can always practice reading .. It doesnt come easy to anyone ..

Answer 3

Wow. Your question really tears at my heart. We have a child with a mild delay and I've often wondered when he's going to hit the wall , and start falling behind in school, with friends etc. We have always made him aware of his differences but not in a bad way, just the plain facts and he understands that. I guess the hard part for you is to make him understand that his life can be normal for him - on his terms. I wish you and your son the best, and i hope someone can give you some great advice.

Answer 4

My heart breaks for you. I know how hard this can be. My son has a speach problem but he is so smart. His sister teased him one day about it and I got after her about it and he told me,"that is okay mom...I know my voice doesn't sound right." I had to leave the room to cry because he said it so matter of factly and as a mom we all want the best for our children and we don't want to seem them hurt. We are seeing help for his speech but when I finally got myself together we sat down for a talk. I told him about how the brain works (he is 9 now but he was 7 at the time) and how the nerves and muscles work. Then I explained that the muscle movements to form the words don't work properly and that is why he needs the speech classes. After I talked to him I felt better about it and he became aware of why he can't talk right.

Same thing for your son. Let him know the medical reasons behind it and tell him that sometimes that just happens but that is the way God made him and that you love him very much. He may not lead the life like you and I lead it but he will lead his own in a very special way. In those classes he will meet friends and have him have close relationships with some of those friends. Try not to get too frustrated with him. His brain isn't working like how are brains are. Let him do what he can do and have him try the things he can't. Be patient with it. If he has a hard time ask to see if he needs help. I know as a parents we don't want to see our children struggle but at times they need to to learn how. And if they can't try to laugh it off with him so he doesn't feel too bad. Just say well, taking out the garbage can be a big task. Sometimes mommy needs help with it too. Then ask if he would like to do it together. It sounds like you need someone to talk to also to help you deal with all these questions also. Maybe his teacher or a family doctor or a support group can give you some support.

Answer 5

My prayers are with you.
I do not know what state you are in as your question doesn't say. In Texas there is an organization called the West Texas Rehab and they have a division or whatever you want to call it call Parent Case Management and they help with so many different things. Helping you get information whenever you need it, helping you find different programs or helps and I know somewhere in this same organization they (WTRC) they also have people that help challenged individuals become more self able. They have people who are parents that have gone through the same things to help you learn to manage. Most states have something similar sometimes in under social services. Their main thing is just to help you (parent) find available resources and programs to fit the individual. Ways to help them...such as helping them have more self-help skills.
Please
Don't give up..go on line search for resources and most of all don't take someones word about what he may not be able to do until you have exhausted all possibilities and given him all available chances. I have heard great stories about people they thought would never do for themselves become very self sufficient.
There is a vast amount of resources you just have to look. I hope things work out. As I said before you are in my prayers...

Answer 6

You could tell him the truth, that he got dealt a bad hand which will require him to work that much harder to get what he wants. Some things he will be able to achieve and some he won't. When he fails, simply be there for him to offer comfort. For the things he can't manage, if you insist that they be done, he will have to learn to accept help.

It is encouraging that he is so motivated to accomplish things. I know your instinct is to protect him but maybe he needs to try and fail in order to learn to try harder. You might find he surprises you with what he can do with the right amount of support and encouragement.

As for the word "retard," there is little you can do to protect him from that. People suck and they will say unkind things to him. Sadly that is a fact of life.

Answer 7

This forum will be little use.
Please find mental health organizations in your city.
You will be able to attend meetings and find others who are confronted with the same issues. They also have professional speakers with helpful info. You may even find groups where he can associate with others.

I have a daughter with schizophrenia. I attended some of those meetings and came away with an understanding that helped. She is doing wonderfully well and maintaining her meds.

Good luck.

Answer 8

you should start i feel by taking the word retarded out of your vocabulary, it is mentally handicapped. be straight forward, genteelly of course. find information or people that are living with or are themselves mentally handicapped.. i don't know your exact situation but all the things you listed are possible to some degree except the driving. My male cousin is mentally handicapped and he is married, works as a grocery packer and at 28 has learned some basic reading, printing and math skills... everything goes a slower pace for them, but with family support they can have a successful happy life.

Answer 9

I am really sorry for both of you. I wish There was something I could tell you to help the best i can say is try to be gental about it. You might have more luck just incase he does lash out to have someone else there.

Answer 10

Please speak to your son's doctor about referral to counselling. Your local mental health office may be able to help as well.

I wish you well; this is a very difficult problem and a professional counsellor can help you find a way to explain this to him.