asked this question b4. I found out the reason behind it after talking 2 him. He's White,Catholic & lives with his parents. I am East Indian, 34 & Catholic. He's been living with them most his adult life. About 2 & half years ago he found a steady job. Before that he's been going 2 school & working off & on. So he wasn't able 2 pay rent to them. Now he takes care of some of their bills & even bought them a brand new car when they already had a car. He does alot of work around the house for them. Since he travels alot for his work sometimes his dad pays his bills & deposits his paycheck when he's away. So he has their name on his account. When this became an issue & I asked him about it & he said it's been that way for years & why should he change it now & Bank will screw up if he tries to change it. Now he says he will not put money in that acct after we get married. He said when his folks got 2 AZ for winter he will pay their bills.He said his mail will still go 2 their home.
2006-09-06 05:38:26 · 22 answers · asked by cluelesschickus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He's not doing anything with YOUR account so why are you having a problem with it. Marriage is a partnership, not ownership. If there was an issue with the parents controling his household (meaning your relationship and finances with him), then I could understand. As long as his first priority remains with you and what the two of you work on together, there should be no problem. You didn't mention anything about the parents abusing the account sharing situation, so you two shouldn't have anything to worry about. If your husband wants to thank his parents for all their support by buying certain things, making banking transactions easy for them, that's his choice and his right. Welcome to America.
2006-09-06 07:31:27 · answer #1 · answered by *~*~*~~~His Angel~~~*~*~* 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you've talked to him and he still doesn't see your side, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
I know it's hard when you love somebody, BUT
1. His parents shouldn't have more control over your finances than you do.
2. He should trust you to handle money, your and his.
3. He should be willing to find a compromise to work things out with you.
4. He should be more open to your ideas and feelings.
5. You should not be expected to hand over your paychecks when your name is not on the account.
Go to premarital counseling. Whether it's with a member of the clergy or a professional therapist, you two need help. Fiances are one of the main causes of arguments and divorces. If you two can't find a happy middle ground, then you shouldn't be getting married. All this will do is get worse with time.
At 37, he is old enough to be on his own, not letting mommy & daddy pull the purse strings. Sounds like he never grew up.
2006-09-06 06:29:30 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"It has been that way for years"
Past doesn't equal to present and doesn't represent the future.
"why should he change it now"
Because he is an adult, a big boy and getting married.
"bank will screw it up"
It is a very easy and simple process. Sounds like an excuse to me.
"He will not put money in the account"
Then why keep it open?
"He will pay their bills"
No reason to. They are adults and they are capable of paying it themselves. If they can't, obviously they shouldn't be going anywhere until they can find a system.
Bills can be paid on line now adays or threw mail. Not that hard to transfer things like that.
"His mail will still go to their home"
Then he isn't ready to be married and live as an adult on his own.
Either he leaves the nest or you will be dealing with an adult male who still wants to be nurtured by mommy/daddy like a child for rest of your "marriage".
2006-09-06 09:28:51 · answer #3 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being the fact that you are Catholic I feel I can say this to you.
The Bible says that "a man is to leave his father & mother & cleave unto his wife."
And "when & was a child I spake as a child...... but when I became a man, I put away childish things".
I am glad your fella is so considerate of his parents. He is to 'honor' them. But I feel he is taking this waaaay too far. I think you have a very serious problem on your hands.
And the fact that he is 37 & only been working 2 years. Even with schooling, I find this a bit strange.
I'm sure you love this man or you wouldn't have called him your fiance. But I will reiterate, I think you have a very serious problem on your hands. Think long & hard as to what you're about to do. He is choosing his parents over you.
2006-09-06 06:07:02 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree w/ Carribean babe. That is totally weird and you should dump him and get someone who isnt attached at the hip to his parents.
the bank can take the name off, no problem, really easy. The parents can also deposit into his account without their name being on it. (anyone can make deposits-I used to work at a bank)
and why has he been living with them the whole time? at 37 he shouldn't have been so on/off again with employment!
it sounds really fishy. I think if you married him you would be miserable beucase you would never be his 1st priority.
run, run away!!
2006-09-06 09:12:33 · answer #5 · answered by kermit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, this seems weird to me. Is there a problem with you, his soon to be wife, having your name on the account to mail off the bills while he's out of town? This seems really screwy- he even lived with his parents until recently? That seems very childlike. Before my husband and I got married we had a bank account together for our mortgage payment. After we got married, it was simple to change my name. It can't be that hard to take someone's name off of it. I hope this works out for you- I really do.
2006-09-06 07:50:35 · answer #6 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a mommas boy. If he is buying them things and taking care of them what is left for you. I think he so attached to them that he never really had a chance to grow up. This will cause problems in the marriage. The bank will not mess up that is just an excuse he is using.
2006-09-06 05:48:41 · answer #7 · answered by red1967 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
that is just creepy. he's a grown man, he needs to act like it. it's great that he wants to help out his parents ect. but they do not need to be on his bank account, and as for not changing his address, thats just ridicilous. when you are married you should both have an account together and his address should be your address, end of story!
and if he's had a steady job for 2 1/2 years there is absolutely no reason for him to be living with his parents. i'm only 23 and my fiance and i neither one have lived with our parents for a few years now.
it's time for him to grow up and move out.
2006-09-06 06:02:22 · answer #8 · answered by TN girl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a red flag. There is NO reason that he needs to keep them on his account, not change his mailing address, etc. It is very strange. Tell him that when you're married, it's just the two of you (NOT his parents) living together and doing all things together. I would be very suspicious of what is going on.
2006-09-06 05:52:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Solution, Have him add your name to the account and set up another just for the two of you. If he doesn't trust you to do that, then don't marry him. This is a major issue and needs to be resolved before getting married.
2006-09-06 05:49:49 · answer #10 · answered by really???? 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋