I'm in my Sister's wedding coming up in three weeks. I have helped her with the planning. My husband is playing the music for the wedding and dejaying the reception. I arrainged for my friend and myself to work the bar. Plus we're watching their baby while they're on their honeymoon. My Mother asked me to go with to to pick out a present for the wedding. I told her that my husband and I were not getting her a present because of everything we've already have done and will be doing. My Mother got upset and said I still had to get her a gift. So my question is what is the protocall in this situatution? Do I need to go out and buy a gift?
2006-09-06 04:19:49 · 23 answers · asked by LJ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm not complaining about how much work we've put into the wedding. I'm just wondering why my Mother thinks we need to get a gift.
2006-09-06 04:54:35 · update #1
I do not believe that you need to get her a gift. Honestly, a gift at all is discretionary and is not REQUIRED. I am getting married as well and my sister is helping me quite a bit. And she is not providing bartending services and her husband is not providing the entertainment. I STILL would not expect a gift from her! The help is invaluable.
In your case, the help that you & your husband are providing is valuable. There is a tangible dollar value that you could apply to those services. Therefore, I don't believe any gift is in order. Your sister should ABSOLUTELY understand that everything that you are doing for her and her fiance is to be considered a gift. You are very generous, I am sure your sister and her fiance are very appreciative!
2006-09-06 04:24:19 · answer #1 · answered by PT&L 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Miss Manners says that gifts are never to be expected - only graciously accepted.
If you feel what you and your husband are doing is your gift to her and her husband to be - then simply find a very nice card to express your sentiments on this very special day. I would think that your sister realizes that providing the music & dejaying as well as the babysitting represents a significant reduction in their cash outlay for their wedding.
She may not however. Hopefully she wouldn't be so rude as to question you about "no gift". But if she does that will be your opportunity for you to tactfully respond that you and your husband gave the "in-kind" gifts mentioned above and felt this showed your love and support. I guess you could make some kind of statement to this effect in the card. Or, an alternative is to still give them some small item which will be useful but not terribly expensive.
2006-09-06 11:29:04 · answer #2 · answered by yonica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Things I have learned in dealing with wedding issues: everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it isn't necessarily right. Take it as a grain of salt. You are doing so much for your sister, and unless she is the kind of person who thinks she SHOULD still get a gift, then I wouldn't worry about what your mom says. Even so, if your sister thinks she will be receiving a gift after all you have done, then she is just being greedy. Hopefully she understands. Don't listen to everything everyone says all the time. Listen to what people say and use the information or leave it to form your own ideas and opinions on matters. I wouldn't bring up the gift issue with your mom to avoid stress. If she asks about it, just tell her you are have taken care of it. If she still presses you for details just tell her you got something that only the three of you want to know about it. Maybe your sister could explain to your mother that a gift isn't necessary especially for all that you are doing for her.
The main point, do what you thing in the best thing.
And remember, parents are NOT always right.
2006-09-06 12:28:02 · answer #3 · answered by fallencupid79 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Of course wedding gifts are discretionary. That said - the point of a wedding gift is not to prove how much you have done for/spent on someone; rather, a wedding gift is a token of your love, support and well-wishes for the newly betrothed couple.
You have been a great sister to go to such lengths to help your sister plan and execute her big day! And although you certainly are not required to give a tangible gift, wouldn't you like to give them something meaningful that they'll both keep and revere forever? It need not be expensive; it need not even be store bought - but a tangible wedding gift would certainly be a nice and appropriate gesture.
2006-09-06 17:22:53 · answer #4 · answered by corann 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I would say that is your call, not your mom's. Seems as if your husband and you are doing plenty and I am thinking your sister will be more than thankful for all of it. She probably won't even expect an extra gift on top of all of it. The babysitting is an especially nice gift..so many couples have to postpone their honeymoon due to a lack of child care or they have to take the child/children with them..what kind of honeymoon would that be??!! I know if I were your sister, I would be ecstatic about all you are doing and would not even want to accept any more from you!! Good luck with it and best wishes for your sis and her hubby :o)
2006-09-06 11:24:49 · answer #5 · answered by tmh_31 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think if you can afford to get her a gift you should. If you cannot afford much, choose something more pratical that's less expensive. Or perhaps even make something, but that takes time and you obviously are complaining about the time you've already spent. You should be helping because you love her, not to get out of giving her a gift. You could even talk to your sister, explain that you cant afford much (if that's the issue) and I'm sure she'll understand especially with all of your help. Weddings are not about gifts, but purposely not getting her something because you think you dont have to, might cause problems between you and your sis. Talk to her, leave your mother out of it.
2006-09-06 11:24:43 · answer #6 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you do not need to buy her anything or give her any money. Take watching the kid as the gift. If you want you can write that in the card to her so that it is clear why you are not giving money. You mom is steping over the line with this one. Just don't mention it anymore. She is not going to be keeping track of who gave what to your sister. And it is none of her business what you and your husband are giving. You are doing enough work by helping her save money. Your sister should be apreciative of everything that you and your husband are doing. I wish I had such a nice sister!
2006-09-06 11:54:37 · answer #7 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Since you are doing all these things, you are saving your sister tons and tons of money, I hope your sister appreciates it. I am sure she would not expect a gift, I wouldn't. I would consider all the things you & your husband are doing is gift enough. don't worry about what your mom says, this is between you and your sister. If you and your sister have the understanding then don't worry about it. Have fun and enjoy the wedding.
2006-09-06 11:25:25 · answer #8 · answered by Bec 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you need to get a gift. Just because you are helping out with the wedding - which is what family does, happily and willingly - doesn't excuse you from this. Don't you want them to have something chosen specially by you?
2006-09-07 07:22:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the services you & your husband provided count as wedding gifts. So far, you are giving her:
a DJ
a babysitter
2 bartenders
plus you've been helping her plan.
Unless you can EASILY afford to hand her a monetary gift as well, I would just give her a wedding card.
2006-09-06 11:24:49 · answer #10 · answered by mand 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋